Thor's Macworld Boston Tips

As Crazy Apple Rumors Site’s “high society” columnist, I always attend the highly visible Apple trade shows.

Which is why I won’t be attending Macworld Boston. Instead, I’m going naked hang gliding with Jennifer Connelly.

It’s not like you think, though. We’re just good friends.

But despite the fact that I have better things to do, I understand that many of you do not, so I’ve put together this handy list of tips should you find yourself in Boston this week with time on your hands and $25 in your pocket.

Although, if you’re on the island of Lanai in Hawaii on Wednesday, I’ll be naked hang gliding with Jennifer Connelly and admission is only $5. And all proceeds go to a shelter for puppies. And you get two tickets for premium well drinks.

But… whatever. It’s your money.

Now, first-time conference attendees will want to hit the floor and check out the booths where the many exhibiters are demonstrating their wares. Everyone who’s already been to a Macworld, however, will already have enough t-shirts in size extra large, keychains for more cars than they’ll ever own and other assorted crap to throw into a drawer when they get home and will never use.

No, the true benefit of Macworld is the sessions, and this expo is no exception. Those attending will want to be sure to check out the following:

  • David Pogue’s Genius Minibar – see Pogue get wasted on mini bottles of liquor and then proceed to shout at other presenters. Last year he was heard to remark, “Hey, Breen! You’re not sho shmart! You think you’re better than me? Huh? Do you?! I’m a frucking geniush compared to you! Don’t you turn your back on me!”
  • Jason Snell’s Booth Babe Wet T-shirt Contest – pretty much just like it sounds.
  • Watch Adam Engst Eat A Human Leg – the long-time venerable Mac author comes out of the closet about his cannibalism.
  • Andy Ihnatko Writhes In Pain, Clutching At His Severed Leg – this, also, pretty much just like it sounds.

Macworld is also a great networking event. For many of you, this will be your one chance this year to meet an actual woman. Her name is Wendy, and she is the barrista at the espresso stand outside the Hynes Convention Center. As you’ll be meekly ordering coffee after coffee from her, desperately trying to get up the nerve to ask her out, you’ll want to remember to switch to decafe at some point, before that vein on your temple starts to become a real eyesore.

But for those of you more socially adept, you’ll probably get invited to a party in a vendor’s or presenter’s room. If, however, the presenter is Adam Engst, you’ll want to politely decline and, without turning your back on him, walk slowly but deliberately toward the closest exit.

Enjoy your time in Boston!

Or, I’ll see you on Lanai.