11 Jul 05Thor's Macworld Boston Tips


As Crazy Apple Rumors Site’s “high society” columnist, I always attend the highly visible Apple trade shows.

Which is why I won’t be attending Macworld Boston. Instead, I’m going naked hang gliding with Jennifer Connelly.

It’s not like you think, though. We’re just good friends.

But despite the fact that I have better things to do, I understand that many of you do not, so I’ve put together this handy list of tips should you find yourself in Boston this week with time on your hands and $25 in your pocket.

Although, if you’re on the island of Lanai in Hawaii on Wednesday, I’ll be naked hang gliding with Jennifer Connelly and admission is only $5. And all proceeds go to a shelter for puppies. And you get two tickets for premium well drinks.

But… whatever. It’s your money.

Now, first-time conference attendees will want to hit the floor and check out the booths where the many exhibiters are demonstrating their wares. Everyone who’s already been to a Macworld, however, will already have enough t-shirts in size extra large, keychains for more cars than they’ll ever own and other assorted crap to throw into a drawer when they get home and will never use.

No, the true benefit of Macworld is the sessions, and this expo is no exception. Those attending will want to be sure to check out the following:

  • David Pogue’s Genius Minibar – see Pogue get wasted on mini bottles of liquor and then proceed to shout at other presenters. Last year he was heard to remark, “Hey, Breen! You’re not sho shmart! You think you’re better than me? Huh? Do you?! I’m a frucking geniush compared to you! Don’t you turn your back on me!”
  • Jason Snell’s Booth Babe Wet T-shirt Contest – pretty much just like it sounds.
  • Watch Adam Engst Eat A Human Leg – the long-time venerable Mac author comes out of the closet about his cannibalism.
  • Andy Ihnatko Writhes In Pain, Clutching At His Severed Leg – this, also, pretty much just like it sounds.

Macworld is also a great networking event. For many of you, this will be your one chance this year to meet an actual woman. Her name is Wendy, and she is the barrista at the espresso stand outside the Hynes Convention Center. As you’ll be meekly ordering coffee after coffee from her, desperately trying to get up the nerve to ask her out, you’ll want to remember to switch to decafe at some point, before that vein on your temple starts to become a real eyesore.

But for those of you more socially adept, you’ll probably get invited to a party in a vendor’s or presenter’s room. If, however, the presenter is Adam Engst, you’ll want to politely decline and, without turning your back on him, walk slowly but deliberately toward the closest exit.

Enjoy your time in Boston!

Or, I’ll see you on Lanai.

Whatever.

No Responses to “Thor's Macworld Boston Tips”

  1. Evil Monkey says:

    First!!!

  2. K.S. 3.0.9.9.9 says:

    damn

  3. Evil Monkey says:

    And I read the article, too! My life’s goal has been achieved! There’s nothing else to go for now!

    I’ll just sit quietly in the corner.

  4. Zeb says:

    Third-ish!!! whoa nelly!

  5. 2000guitars says:

    …Booth Babes…

    There’s one for the Mega Post…

    mooooo

  6. adam Jackson says:

    why so hard to get first? sigh!

  7. Zeb says:

    Man I love Jennifer. No really. I’m taking a stalking class at the community college just so I have a shot. Hey wait! Maybe she reads CARS. Um, errr, hi uh, Jen…n…i..fer [gulp], you uh, so um…

    Ahhhhh, fergit it!!!!!

  8. Nxxx says:

    Either seems better than Bluewater. BTW Zeb, who or what is nelly?

    Oh, yes, fourteenth.

  9. 2000guitars says:

    and what, pray tell, is a premium well drink?

    expensive tap water?

  10. mrme118 says:

    post 10 or 11 whateva

    p.s. i love puppies

  11. Streetrabbit says:

    From Adam Engst bio “he ranked as the second (2000), third (2001, 2002), fourth (2003), and fifth (2004) most influential person in the Macintosh industry”

    How low can the guy go? Or will the cannibalism thing move him up to first? Is this what the Macintosh is all about…EATING PEOPLE!??!

  12. Streetrabbit says:

    That there was legs eleven….gettit?… LEGS?…See?

  13. Bobo the Clown says:

    WTF!!! No help desk? CARS needs help!

  14. Anonymous says:

    Ha Ha Ha HAAA ha haa ha……not funny, nope.

  15. Del says:

    Severed Legs are made of People!

  16. Thanks Moltz, really appreciate you taking Thor back. One problem though, Jamie Lee thinks he may have stolen some of her underwear, he may even be wearing it. Sure you can keep it. Just make sure it doesn’t end up on eBay.

  17. Bellidancer says:

    Booth Babes are only a faint memory at Macworld SF. Since the late 90’s Macworld SF exhibitors have not used “booth babes”. However, at least at MWSF, usually about a fourth of the attendees are female. Unfortunately, for some reason alot of the female attendees seem to be into goth or fantasy role playing. Even worse, the women tend to have the same physiques as the men. Far too many overweight and sedentary people from too much time spent in front of a computer screen eating chips and drinking cola.

    The vendors, however, include a high percentage of attractive young women involved in marketing. Well that describes booth babes too… except for the babe I saw at a MWSF who was in full Klingon costume and makeup. (I just can’t get into forehead ridges.) Not only are the women vendors attractive, but they have to pretend to be interested in the attendees, or at least not actively repelled. Male Geek Heaven! Well, actually having a T3 line and the best… no, newest equipment possible is probably closer to male geek heaven. A geek at least would know what to do with that.

  18. Ace Deuce says:

    Thor’s assertions are suspect, to say the least.

    Jennifer told me she’d meet me at MacWorld Boston, along with Don Crabb and Douglas Adams. We’re going golfing afterward.

    Whom are you going to believe, an acclaimed actress or an “internet journalist” who wants you to think he’s gonna “get lei’d”?

  19. JAV says:

    On the several occasions I have met Adam Engst, he has never attempted to eat my leg.

    But he was eating chicken fingers this one time…

  20. Engst! Engst! Engst! Engst! Engst! Engst!

    Engst! Engst! Engst! Engst! Engst! Engst!

    Engst! Engst! Engst! Engst! Engst! Engst!

    Engst! Engst! Engst! Engst! Engst! Engst!

    Engst! Engst! Engst! Engst! Engst! Engst!

    Engst! Engst! Engst! Engst! Engst! Engst!

  21. Invisible Evil Leg Chompers says:

    Masticate! Regurgitate! Masticate! Regurgitate!

    Masticate! Regurgitate! Masticate! Regurgitate!

    Masticate! Regurgitate! Masticate! Regurgitate!

    Masticate! Regurgitate! Masticate! Regurgitate!

    Masticate! Regurgitate! Masticate! Regurgitate!

    Masticate! Regurgitate! Masticate! Regurgitate!

  22. Psyko says:

    Remember me? Of course you do, nobody can forget the famed Psyko.

    MARK

  23. Anonymous says:

    Pity, no one claimed eleventh on the 11th.

  24. michael says:

    Can’t wait to hear the podcast of this entry!

  25. Del says:

    Now we just need someone to record their Mac speaking CARS and have them put it up as a podcast.

  26. Walking Contradiction says:

    naked …

    hang …

    gliding …

    with …

    Jennifer …

    Connelly.

    Oh god, I can’t contain myself. That sounds so erotic …

    Great, now I feel ashamed. Thanks folks.

    Jennifer Connelly – oh god, here I go again …

  27. Bellidancer says:

    WC, yes thinking about Jennifer Connelly hang gliding naked is erotic, but thinking about Thor hang gliding with her is disturbing.

    Actually thinking about any male hang gliding naked is disturbing. I mean hang gliding while hanging loose in the breeze… and doesn’t the harness binds right in the crotch?

    I don’t want to think about it.

  28. I’m thinking about it, and I think Thor is in for one MASSIVE BALL RASH!!!! I’ll bet it won’t be the first time though. You sly dog, Thor!

  29. Huh? says:

    Booth babes, PropTarts™, whatever… I STILL won’t be there.

    Will it be podcast?

    (The hanggliding, not MW…)

    moo.

  30. Invisible Evil Appendage Ingesters says:

    Chew! Spew! Chew! Spew! Chew! Spew!

    Chew! Spew! Chew! Spew! Chew! Spew!

    Chew! Spew! Chew! Spew! Chew! Spew!

    Chew! Spew! Chew! Spew! Chew! Spew!

    Chew! Spew! Chew! Spew! Chew! Spew!

    Chew! Spew! Chew! Spew! Chew! Spew!

  31. Red Lantern, Dead Battery says:

    Golfing?

    Sorry, I was gonna say something here, but upon careful reflection and consultations with both a lawyer AND a priest, I’ve decided not to.

    I mean, I certainly wouldn’t say something like people who go golfing after Macworld are KASMLASI GHJASGASO GAOSGUH JASODGJA LSGJASL KDGLAS KDGALKS

    Sorry again, my lawyer was beating me with a stick.

  32. Streetrabbit says:

    I’m confused. Is Wendy a barista or a barrister?

  33. Psyko says:

    Close, a barstool actually.

    MARK

  34. Streetrabbit says:

    I can’t believe someone would make derogatory remarks about golfers in the week of the British Open!

    I looked up KASMLASI GHJASGASO GAOSGUH JASODGJA LSGJASL KDGLAS KDGALKS to see exactly what you were saying, Google asked “Did you mean: KASILMASI GHJASGASO GHOST JOGJA LSSL KOALAS KDGALKS” No Google, that’s not what I meant I said.

    I saw a ghost koala once.

  35. Anne observer, the newspaper joke, says:

    The only relevance is an Apple product.

    “Private Eye” is the Brit magazine for those who never grow up, alias satiristi.

    Cartoon in current edition of an Orangeman, marching in full regalia to “The Sash my father wore”, wearing headphones whilst clutching an elegant plastic box marked iProd.

  36. The Rocketeer says:

    Jenn won’t make it. She’ll be rocketing around with me instead of letting some “journalist” get nekkid with her. I wouldn’t let that Nazi Dalton at her, and I damn well won’t let your masticated “Thor” reject anywhere near her.

    And how come Rick “Look, it’s the Rocketeer!” Overton only got that one line. Robbery, I say!

  37. Walking Contradiction says:

    OK, thanks folks. No longer am I covering myself in shame, that image of Thor disturbed me just enough to regain control over myself.

    Of course, now I’m scared …

  38. Adam Engst says:

    I am shocked, just shocked, at the intimations, nay, the downright allegations, that I could even conceive of eating a valued member of the audience during one of my presentations. For one, what would that do to my conference ratings? I already have enough trouble keeping up with Ihnatko’s blatant audience bribery approach. And how would cannibalism stack up against Pogue’s wit, humor, and stories about clandestine rendezvous with Judith Miller after she was sent to prison for refusing to reveal a source? Not well, let me tell you.

    And for two, have you actually seen those presentations rooms? A couple of bottles of water, if you’re lucky, and not a napkin in sight. Sheesh.

    cheers… -Adam

  39. LastPostGuy says:

    Last Post!