12 Jul 05Live Keynote Coverage!


Uh…

Well…

See, we were all set to provide live coverage of today’s Macworld Boston keynote but… this is really weird.

It’s now 10:00 PM PST and we’re still waiting for the feed of Steve Jobs’ Macworld Boston keynote to begin. I’m not sure what the problem is. I mean, this should have started, like, 16 hours ago.

Regardless, it doesn’t really matter as we already know what Steve Jobs was going to announce today:

Hot, fabulous sex with Jessica Alba.

Um…

No, wait. I’m sorry. That was… uh… that was something else.

I probably shouldn’t say any more.

No, what Steve Jobs was going to announce at the keynote he seems so determined not to give (where the hell is he?!) was this:

His shorts are filled with radioactive shrimp.

Ack! Dammit! That’s not it either. I mean, it’s true, but that’s not what he was supposed to announce.

He’s saving that for Paris.

OK, let’s try this again. And concentrate, people! Why do I have to do all the hard work?!

Steve Jobs… was going to announce…

… an 8 X 5 tablet device designed to play music, DVDs and run applications on a modestly powered pen input-based platform.

Whew! I got it out. Ha-ha!

Oh, and it comes with a little stand that you put in your living room and connect to your entertainment system. And it comes with the new Coldplay album and a copy of the Incredibles. And a bottle of fine anejo tequila.

But, well, I don’t know what the deal is. He was supposed to go on the stage at 9:00 AM EST and… like I said… it’s 10:00 PM PST and…

Bupkus.

This is really kind of ridiculous. I mean, Steve should…

What?

Oooooohhh…

Macworld Boston

Ha-ha! ‘Cause…

They don’t… so much go to Boston any more.

Ohhh… crap.

No Responses to “Live Keynote Coverage!”

  1. Zeb says:

    Firstest!!!

  2. Admiral Chales says:

    First! (And read it!)

  3. third says:

    third, I read it too

  4. Zeb says:

    Bupkus – No entry found. Did you mean?

    bucks

    bulks

    bunks

    NO flagdabbit! BUPKUS!!!! Grrrrrrr…

    I am so relieved to have finally achieved numero uno. Yes, you may kiss my ring. mwah, mwah.

  5. managing my widgets says:

    Jessica Alba…

  6. Huck says:

    Lol! You’ve been bostoned!

  7. still managing those widgets says:

    Maybe Jessica Alba should do the Keynotes…

    Yes, that would be much better.

    Ooohh… Jessica Alba…

  8. Huh? says:

    My pants left me to go to Boston.

    I’m sure they’ll have all sorts of fun stories when they get back.

    But I won’t. Because I’m not there…

    Really.

    moo.

  9. Nxxx says:

    If they give away a Coldplay album, wont the suicide rate increase?

    Hell, that might help reduce global warming.

    Why not give away two Coldplay, some Nirvana and Leonard Cohen, and everyone left will be middle class, non sensitive Apple users.

    Steve, you’ve done it again.

  10. ficko says:

    jUST uPDATED tO oSX 1)>$@. tIGER wITH tWO eXTRA sTRIPES.

    uSUAL fANTASTIC aPPLE pERFORMANCE, lOVE iT.

  11. PoisedNoise says:

    Leavened Bread, it’s so great!

    Traditionally comes three after eight…

  12. MacIntel (user formely kown as MacPower) says:

    Oooh, Aah. Great Specs. I love it.

    Jessica Alba I mean.

  13. Switcher says:

    Any secret “kept for Paris” ?

    After the iMac G5 last year : the first intelMac wooo-hooo !

    Wait… It has already been announced.

    Humpf.

    Maybe better, then : .mac in french.

    For his “grand return”, Steve HAS to kick some butt.

  14. Fore Poster says:

    Is there any chance radioactive shrimp will be involved in the MacWorld Topeka keynote?

  15. Baal says:

    We’re in daylight saving time now, man.

  16. Dexter Span says:

    Jessica Alba in Blue Spandex…. Ah, Damm that force field.

  17. Composer says:

    *hic* This anejo tequila rocks!!!

  18. blank says:

    I’m probably breaking NDA to say this, but the newest secret product is a pair of pants *powered* by radioactive shrimp.

    Look for the announcement at Macworld Tokyo.

  19. Anonymous says:

    iPants

  20. Red Lantern, Dead Battery says:

    I would NEVER make a derogatory comment about golfers the week of the British Open. I would, however, make comments about MacWorld Attendees who pretend to be golfers, by actually golfing on the week of the British Open.

    If you see the difference.

  21. Red Lantern, Dead Battery says:

    Mmmmmm, Radioactive Seafood.

  22. Ace Deuce says:

    This is a bit off-topic, but maybe you can help me.

    I’m looking for a new word for ingesting intoxicants. Instead of the awkward “They’re reporting shorts filled with radioactive shimp? What have they been drinking and/or smoking and/or popping?” — one could use a portmanteau such as “sminking” or “droking,” or perhaps something totally new, like “squamping.”

    Please, what is the word I am looking for? And be quick, for I’m on deadline.

  23. Psyko says:

    Ok people, can we please keep it on topic for once? I mean, how hard can it possibly be to praise Psyko for the god he is?

    MARK

  24. Bellidancer says:

    All praise the great and glorious Psyko. He from whom all wisdom flows.

    ( Before I continue with this drivel I need to know:

    Are you a monotheistic god or part of a pantheon?

    If part of a pantheon, what is your portfolio? ie. Are you the God of Spurious Information? The God of Immature Urges? The God of Fustrated Fertility?

    All you all powerful or do you has specific powers? ie. Power to cast thunderbolts, Power to Cause Computers to Reboot? Power to Corrupt Data? Power to Cast “MARK”s into Comment Streams?

    Your faithful followers want to know.) (The rest of us couldn’t care less.)

  25. Abe Lincolnlogski says:

    What are you people garfing????

    Jessica Alba is NOT a radioactive shrimp, no matter how much I’d like her in my iPants.

  26. Anonymous says:

    What are you people bonking

  27. Psyko says:

    Monotheistic. I have the power to make any other “god” do whatever I want them to. It is quite handy really, when they decide to listen that is…

    MARK

  28. Anonymous says:

    What are you people adsorbing through mucus membranes?

    What are you people ingesting through your oral orifice?

    And Jessica Alba is undoubtedly radioactive, but at 5′ 6 1/2″, she doesn’t qualify as a shrimp. Petite, thin, slender, yes, but not a shrimp. Now, Eva Longoria at 5′ 2″ might be considered a shrimp. She is also radioactive!

  29. The Invisible Evil Boys' Choir says:

    SHRIMP! SHRIMP! SHRIMP! SHRIMP! SHRIMP! SHRIMP! SHRIMP!

    SHRIMP! SHRIMP! SHRIMP! SHRIMP! SHRIMP! SHRIMP! SHRIMP!

    SHRIMP! SHRIMP! SHRIMP! SHRIMP! SHRIMP! SHRIMP! SHRIMP!

    SHRIMP! SHRIMP! SHRIMP! SHRIMP! SHRIMP! SHRIMP! SHRIMP!

  30. John C. Randolph says:

    I’d just like to mention that even though I resigned from Apple immediately after WWDC this year, I’m still not attending MacWorld Boston.

    -jcr

  31. Chris Martin says:

    I dhew a yshellow linesh

    I dhew a yshellow linesh fwor shu

    I shlike yshellow.

  32. LastPostGuy says:

    Last Post!