03 Aug 05Contest Update!

The entries for Pimp My Apple Executive are flowing in! We already have more than enough to award all the prizes!

A few things I’d like to mention about the contest:

I’ve noticed that Mail is dropping a lot of the email entries into the Junk folder. Perhaps it’s the use of the word “pimp.” At any rate, I’m replying to everyone who sent something so if you haven’t received a reply, please send your file again.

Unless, of course, you’re using Mail and my reply is getting dumped into your Junk folder. In which case we could go around like this for days.


Maybe you shouldn’t mention the name of the contest in the email.

Some people have asked if there’s a limit on how many entries you can make. There is no limit. Please feel free to submit as many entries as you like.

As several people have noted in the comments, Apple’s terms of use for the downloadable images of its executives indicated that you may not modify the image at all. I’m sorry. I didn’t realize you were all a bunch of sissies who were afraid that Apple legal would call your mommies.


We’re not afraid of the man, but if you are, here are some links to help get you started:

Steve Jobs

Phil Schiller

Jon Rubinstein

Avie Tevanian

Ron Johnson

Finally, we’re thrilled to announce our panel of judges!

  • Myself, John Moltz, editor in chief of Crazy Apple Rumors Site
  • An Apple employee who would prefer to remain nameless
  • Noted technology writer Glenn Fleishman
  • Shawn King, host of Your Mac Life

Frankly, that’s far better than you people deserve. It’s certainly more than we deserve.

Remember, you’ve got one week from midnight tonight! Get cracking!

No Responses to “Contest Update!”

  1. ScheisseGern says:

    Yeah whatever, first.

  2. purrdeta says:

    SECOND! but I cant enter.

  3. ra3ndy says:

    wow…third…what a waste of time and posting.

  4. Anonymous says:

    a number!!!

  5. appleswitch says:

    “Some people have asked if there’s a limit on how many entries you can make. There is no limit. Please feel free to submit as many entries as you like.”

    THATS ME!!!

  6. jinzo012 says:

    I think Steve Jobs has a tattoo of the Apple logo in his balls,


  7. jinzo012 says:

    I meant ON his balls.


  8. Aimon says:

    Eat what exactly jinzo012? You us to eat Steve Jobs’ balls? What if Steve and his lovely wife Laureen want to have more children? Is anyone going to tell Steve to freeze some of his little men before we dine on his balls? And will Steve know of this plan beforehand? I don’t think Steve would like it very much you know, and what of the heterosexuals among us? I’m sure that they would find the thought and the act of eating another mans balls quite off-putting?

    Seems like a stupid thing to say to me, or were you want us to eat his tattoo?…….. but then again we’d have to eat his balls to do that, and I think that they consensus would be to leave Steve’s balls as they are……. intact.

  9. crazycubeguy says:


  10. greenacres says:

    You mean use our Macs for CREATIVE?! puposes! That would never happen….

  11. greenacres says:

    It’s been a while since I posted and now I get 13! Wooohooo! (silence) Wow, I hadn’t realized my sad existence had gotten so bad that I was excited over this….BLAM! THUD!

  12. Nxxx says:

    A European View.

    Our Stevie is a wondrous person, “Let there be nothing” quoth he. And there was nothing.

    All is barren in Appleland, including sense of humour, but not sense of importance.

    Robert Oppenheimer said “I have become the destroyer of worlds”. Take a bow Steve, and in the meantime poke Mighty Mouse so far up, that you can clean your teeth with it.

    Bring back The Woz.

  13. John Moltz says:

    jinzo012, I’m pretty tolerant of foul language, but when it’s *quite* foul – drive people away from commenting kind of foul – and has nothing to do with anything other than your personal tag line, I have to draw the line. If you’d rather I delete the entire comment as it no longer reflects your artistic vision, I’ll be happy to do so.


    Guess I have to post some comment rules.

  14. ficko says:

    I thought that Jinzo012 was encouraging females to eat something, as he directly addresses them as “bitch”. According to the Concise Oxford Dictionary, bitch is a female dog or other canine, a malicious or spiteful woman or a very unpleasant or difficult situation.

    One possible explanation; Jinzo012 has experienced my home-cooked Apple Tart.

    On the other hand, he is probably an over-testosteroned youth, ah bless.

  15. Shawn King says:

    “Guess I have to post some comment rules.”

    As a Judge on this web site, I’d call jinzo012’s comments more on the lines of moronic rather than foul. Stupid, actually. So I’m going to hand down a sentence of…..

    What’s that, John?

    Wha….? What do you mean I can’t……

    Why the hell not!? It says right there on the front page of the site, “Shawn King, Judge”! Dude, it can’t be much clearer than that…..

    But……I know but……Aw, come on!!

    Dammit…….fine…….whatever…..I was just trying to help but……you do what you need to do…..

  16. John Moltz says:

    Yes, CARS is proud to announce that Shawn King is the new comment moderator!

    Ah, shoot. That should have been a whole story. And here I blew it in a comment.

  17. Red Lantern, Dead Battery says:

    When did Photoshop(tm) become a verb?

    And, if we use Photoshop(tm) as a verb, do we have to put the ™ at the end of the word?

    And why doesn’t anyone ever want to Photoshop(tm) me?


    At least I’m nineteeth.

  18. Red Lantern, Dead Battery says:

    Or twentieth.

    But still no Photoshopping(tm). *sigh*

  19. jinzo012 says:

    Just delete it.

  20. David says:

    John Moltz disqualified my entry because I used a convenient Moltz staff photo as the basis for my depiction of Visionary Steve Jobs. I’m sure that I’ve read posts to CARS that show Moltz=Jobs. I feel that it is unfair to disqualify my entry just because Jobs is uncomfortable being Moltz or is in denial. I call on Shawn King or some other judge with a backbone to reinstate my entry.

    Because I haven’t won anything in a long time.

  21. echo says:

    Does anybody know if the ATI Radeon 9800 Pro Mac Special will work on a Windows PC?

  22. Psyko says:

    Nobody wants to Photoshop ™ you because you may be at least 19, but you are not at least real. Red Lantern, Dead Battery isn’t real.


  23. Ace Deuce says:

    If the phrase “to Photoshop” seems too proprietary, perhaps you could use “to Zelig” in honor of the revisionist Woody Allen film.

    Or find out who spliced John Kerry into a photo with Jane Fonda and use his name. To my ear, “Karl Roving” is more euphoneous than “Photoshopping.”

    Not that I can prove anything–I’m just sayin’…

  24. Psyko says:

    Uhh, yeah, whatever.


  25. Carl says:

    True Mac users know to press option and 2 to get ™. “(TM)” is for Windoze users, who don’t know their ALT-### codes.

  26. Shawn King says:

    “Yes, CARS is proud to announce that Shawn King is the new comment moderator!”

    YES! Finally!

    As my first duty as moderator, I will begin to delete any and all posts that have numbers or references to numbers in them. So, all you goofballs who post, “First Post!” will get deleted.

    Unfortunately, it also means that any posts that have the word “to” in them will also be summarily deleted….

    Hmmm…..I may have to rethink this……

  27. Shawn King says:

    “I call on Shawn King or some other judge with a backbone to reinstate my entry.”

    Whoa….wait a minute….I just got this sweet gig. No way I’m growing a backbone and risking losing it just to save your butt. I mean – I don’t even know you.

    Besides, you’re supposed to *bribe* judges…….(wink, wink, nudge, nudge).

  28. Streetrabbit says:


    …Uhm what about comments with the word “two” in them? Or people who use the word “tree” (a CARS top ten word according to the 2005 edition of “The CARS Big Book of Top Ten Words”) but misspell it “three”?

    We need to know these things. I don’t really know why, we just need to.

    ..Oh and another thing what about too?

    Hey! Where’d my comment go?

  29. Disgusted Col Retd says:


    Heaven knows what kind of filth you are encouraging with your so-called competition.

    You are trying to debase the Board of Apple, and by photographic trickery, bring them to the same low level as you trailer dwelling scum.

    The Board of Apple fought in three world wars to keep America free, and although your President seems to have avoided personal contact with military danger, he too is a man to be honoured.

    Moltz, if you had been in my regiment, I would have had you shot.


    Disgusted Col Retd

    1st Caravan on the right,

    Happidomes Holiday Parking,




  30. Switcher says:


  31. Asozasis says:

    I would humbly request that you don’t ‘?’, or even ‘?!?’ the poor gentleman. “Retd” is a little known contraction of “retarded”. Cut the fellow some slack. At least he’s trying!

  32. Asozasis says:


  33. Psyko says:

    Carl, I would like you to know that I know how to do the ™ thing (as evidenced right there), but I had to do the same thing as that one person so the posts would flow right.


  34. NWJR says:

    First, everyone needs a silver base coat…

  35. Psyko says:

    Then some green stuff.