Commenting on a Wall Street analysis indicating that over a million users switched from Windows to the Mac in the past three quarters, Apple sources said there would be many more to come.
Driven by a halo effect generated by the success of the iPod and the iLife suite of applications, Apple has begun to do what many felt was impossible – steal market share from Microsoft. But the company has more ambitious plans than stealing a paltry million users.
According to sources, in 2007 the company plans to capture a full 95% of the market – effectively turning it upside down – with the dramatic introduction of the much-anticipated sexbot line.
“Listening to music is one thing,” said a source close to the project. “People like music.
“But screwing? People love screwing. And this is screwing without all the pressure. I mean, who needs all that ‘Oh, you’re not doing it right.’ And ‘What do you think you’re rubbing? Because you’re not rubbing what you think you’re rubbing.’ And ‘Who the hell is Linda?’ You don’t need that! I know I certainly don’t!”
Analysts support Apple’s contention that it could capture a majority of the market by releasing sex robots. Actually, they supported the contention that Apple could capture the majority of anything by releasing sex robots.
“Sometimes as a technology pundit you ask yourself ‘Would I like to get down on that?’,” said the New York Times’ David Pogue. “And, in the case of the Apple sexbot, I’m forced to say, yes, I would like to get down on that.
“Get… bizzay. Nnnastay.
“And I believe that if I would like to have sex with a robot, then many other people would also like to have sex with a robot. And… that was pretty much the scope of my analysis.”
Sources indicate that after the sexbot rollout, Apple will be following up quickly with another blockbuster release to secure its position in the market.
When asked how the company expected to follow up on robots you can have sex with, a source said it was was looking into either curing death or sexbot socks.