Despite the renowned ease of use of both the iPod and the iTunes application, Apple today launched a web site – iPod 101 – specifically designed for its customers who are idiots. The site goes into excruciating detail, explaining such mind-boggling concepts as “the scroll wheel” and “buttons.”
“Our research indicated that many of our customers are so intensely stupid that they could not master even the simplest of applications,” said Apple Senior Vice President of Worldwide Marketing Phil Schiller.
“Or even the simplest of fractions,” Schiller added.
“Or even, in a few cases, graham crackers.”
Internally the iPod 101 project was known as “iPod Short Bus.”
Apple sources indicate that the site is the first of a series of rudimentary guides designed for “the slower students in the class.” Upcoming guides include:
- The mouse – despite what you might think, it doesn’t go in your pants.
- Sticking your tongue in USB ports – a best practices guide.
- So, you’ve gotten your head jammed inside your G5 again…
- Seriously, get the mouse out of your pants.
While many in the Apple community took umbrage at the company’s condescending attitude toward its customers, some were pleased.
“I like beans!” said Mac user Eugene Budd, happily banging his fist on the keyboard of his iMac, his face covered in a smear of baked beans and the cord of his Mighty Mouse protruding from his pants.
Budd declined, however, to elaborate.