Gates Details Plan For "iPod Killers."

In a question and answer with students, Bill Gates revealed his master plan to create a line of “iPod killers”.

According to the Microsoft founder, the company will focus on developing synergistic relationships with its many hardware partners that leverage value and increase “buy-in”.

Which, he claims, will somehow result in “hot products.”

Unfortunately for Gates, however, the students were unable to hear his comments as they were already listening to their iPods.

“WHAT?” yelled iPod shuffle owner Rick Levitas.  “WHAT DID HE SAY?”

“SORRY, DUDE,” said iPod nano owner Darren Nantz.  “I CAN’T HEAR HIM.  MY IPOD IS ON TOO LOUD.”

Pointing to his iPod for emphasis, Nantz repeated two inches from Levitas’ face “TOO LOUD!”

He then held up his hands and shrugged as if to indicate there was nothing he could do about it.

Levitas stared at him briefly before yelling “WHAT?”

Gates quickly moved on to a question about what his favorite color is.

56 thoughts on “Gates Details Plan For "iPod Killers."”

  1. Well, simply because you don’t believe in it does not mean that it does not exist.

    Like, some people don’t believe in waffles. And, yet, there they are.

    Across the room.

    Mocking me.

    Damned waffles.

    Any-hoo, the moderation is only supposed to be on your very first post. I’ll have Masako look into it.

  2. Waffles? I do not believe you have seen any waffles.
    I do not believe that waffles could have evolved naturally.

    If they exist, are they proof of Intelligent Design?

  3. OK. Moderation is off. Masako signed us up for a Akismet account.

    I don’t really know what that means.

    She just… um… said she took care of it.

    And needed $55.

  4. Oh, if your comment’s all about levitra or cialis or Texas Hold ‘Em, don’t come whining to me because it got held.

  5. So no more moderation is what you’re saying. I can call 11 right now. And actually get it…

  6. Moltz, they are all idiots. Err, I mean lesser beings. Wait, that isn’t much better. Uh, they don’t know what they are talking about.
    Moderation is king!


  7. Well this is meant to be number 18…… but it could come out at number 35 or 36 because of the GOD DAMNSTUPID COMMENT MODERATION!….. sorry I get a bit excited over things like that.

  8. I heard even bad things are good for you in moderation.

    Oh, I’ll claim eleven as nobody else did.

  9. Gates and Jobs are rather akin to the difference between our UK and your US politicians. Our Deputy Prime Minister response to having an egg chucked at him was to deck his opponent with a single punch, your Vice President shoots friends.

  10. I have served for three years in Jagdstaffel Jasta 2, of the Imperial Prussian Luftwaffles (better know as the Flying Syrup.) I have defeated over eighty English breakfasts, and have recieved the Blueberry Max.

    I would be killing the iPod for Kaiser Gates, excepting that I have inconveniently perished in 1916.

    Veilen Danke,


  11. Apparently Micro$oft have teamed up with Dell to produce the worlds first 24X dual-layer waffles that also have a chip in to let you know on your mobile when they are burnt anywhere in the world.
    Unfortunately the chip makes them taste of snozzcumbers and there are as yet no dual-waffle compatible phones but just imagine the possibilities!
    “Micro$oft your imagination on LSD and our total lack of vision”

  12. Perhaps Mr. Gates meant that, in inventing a better, more high-tech waffle, he was looking for the next “iHop killer.”

    That could be what he said, but I don’t really know. My song came on, so I turned up my iPod….

  13. One question are the dual layer waffle drives lightscribe? Cuz that would be the only way I’d buy one.

    Look everyone Elvis appeared on my Waffle. Now I will sell it on Ebay for $42

  14. I think someone sold a moldy cheese sandwich with an image of ??Christ or the face of the Virgin Mary – on eBay. Maybe for an unusually stupid amount even. Anyhow…Too bad there isn’t a way to buy in to a sort of cross market assortment of companies making accessories for the iPod. More of them out there than actual content for the 5th gen currently. Was in Apple the other day and heard a kid say “MOM, this is the iPod accessory store and look, they have COMPUTERS that go with the iPods” Drrrrrrrrr….

    Weigh in on waffles – homemade waffles rule, waffle house rules. eggo? omg, sorry, it HAS been used (as popcorn has been) as packing! seriously. I can prove it.

    Anyone compared the Power Macs with the new (?? new-ish) 975X Intel? Some unbroken things should not be fixed.

  15. What part of “comment moderation is off” don’t you understand, Aimon?

    Or is someone not reading all the comments before posting?

    For shame.


  16. I made a grilled cheese sandwich that displayed the image of the prophet Mohammed. I ate it very quickly, as I don’t need that kind of trouble.

    Next day I grilled one that showed Colonel Sanders. Now, that’s just plain wrong.

  17. (powers down iFlame)
    Well, looks like I won’t be needing that today.
    (turns iFlame back on)

    Hey, Del- Have the bugs been worked out of the ‘waffle’ setting yet? I’m hungry, and with all these waffles around….


  18. Yay, no moderation. That was to be expected. John just said “What part of “comment moderation is off” don’t you understand, Aimon?”. But my name is not Aimon.

    Anyway, I liked it more when the name of the poster was below the comment.

    And waffles do not exist. I know it.


  20. Yeeeeeeaaaarrrrgggggggghhhhhhaaaaawwwwwwtttttttt!!!!!!111!/!?!?
    You tell, ’em CTHULHU!!!1!

    Seriously, Windows will be waffle compatible with the first release of Vista, we’re just not going to be compatible with syrup until 2023. Did you see my pic in the article?!1! Steve Balmer says I look “super cool”, and I believe him. And as for that smartass Schyler Mishra. Let’s just say that there is one less member of the John Marshall High School chess club. Make me look like an idiot?!1! HA!

    Anyway, when I said we’re going to “make even better music players” what I meant was that we’re going to hire some really good musicians to play slightly altered versions of today’s top hits and sell those on our own branded music site “The Microsoft Online Music Store for Music Application Distribution” or MOMSMAD! As for the hardware, we’re just going to buy a bunch of iPods and rebrand those. It’s working great for our OS strategy. Why should we bother innovating? I didn’t become the richest man in the known universe by innovating. Sheesh!

  21. Huh?

    The waffle setting works perfectly if you don’t mind a little char and a little open flame and possibly some carnage, destruction, and possible the end of the world.

    Happy waffling.

  22. I do not like green waffles and ham.
    I do not like moderation, Sam I am.

    I do, I do so like the look of the new WordPress server error and honeybaked ham
    Thank you, thank you, Sam I am.

  23. Since an Axe murderer is someone who kills people with an Axe wouldn’t an iPod killer be someone who killed people with iPods?

  24. I am schyler and Yeah I am a smart ass, So what I put the Bill Gates on the spot and made headlines in the news. Hate all you want agianst me I dont gave a damn. Most hated never confronted.


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