Sources within Apple’s payroll department indicate they are sick and tired of administering CEO Steve Jobs’ $1 salary and wish he’d “just get a fricking real salary already.”
Jobs has famously taken just a $1 per year salary while reaping great rewards in other forms of compensation, including a personal airplane. This allows the mercurial CEO to claim the high road by repeatedly pointing out that his compensation is exclusively performance-based.
But payroll administrator Beth Lao claims that Jobs’ $1 salary actually costs the company about $10, 00 extra a year to administer.
For example, as Apple is on a bi-weekly pay schedule, Lao is forced to divide Jobs’ $1 salary by 26 and then apply any taxes.
“You know, it’s a fucking bitch trying to figure the FICA on 4 cents,” Lao said.
“And, of course, to make it come out to exactly $1, it’s not 4 cents every pay period. It’s 4 cents for 22 pay periods and then 3 cents for the other four. And Steve doesn’t want the four 3-cent pay periods to come all together, he wants them to come each at the end of a quarter.
“What a jackass.”
Further, Jobs must be taken out of the normal salary review process as he does not receive any cost of living increases and certainly not any market adjustments.
“There’s no field for that!” Lao shouted at the SAP salary administration screen shown on her computer. “He’s going to pop up every month and i’m going to have to put in a salary adjustment and then back it out! Mother fu…”
Lao has repeatedly asked her manager, Darren Pinales, why Jobs cannot simply be paid $10,000 a year and then donate the net of taxes to charity. Pinales has responded that if Lao would like to ask Jobs herself personally, he would be glad to fill out her termination notice.