31 May 06Mac Users Demand Anti-Windows Immigration Legislation.

As the realization that their values are being compromised by an inundation of inbred, Windows-using yahoos spread today, the Mac community began to rise up and demand action.

“In order to protect our vital cultural heritage as Mac users, we ask that the Mac community be sealed off until futher notice,” said a statement issued by a collection of commenters on this site.

Recognizing a vital voting bloc in this year’s mid-term election, politicians raced to pander to Mac users.

President Bush today vowed to build a 150 mile collection of fences around Apple Stores in an effort to keep Windows users from migrating to the Macintosh. Republicans in Congress pressed for stricter measures that would require former Windows users to switch back.

House Democrats, meanwhile, proposed a tepid reeducation program that would help Windows users acclimate to the Macintosh community by teaching them some of the basics of good taste.

House Democratic leader Nancy Pelosi said, “Many Windows users simply don’t know, for example, that War At Home is really a horrible, horrible show.

“Truly awful. Abysmal. Absolutely unwatchable.”

For most Mac users, however, none of this pandering was satisfactory.

“I won’t be happy until Windows users are shot before they come within thirty feet of a Macintosh,” said columnist Andy Ihnatko.

“I’m kind of a stickler that way.”

Many were concerned that an influx of Windows users would mean fewer Macs for those who bleed six colors.

“Macs for Mac users!” a collection of protestors shouted unironically outside the flagship Fifth Avenue Apple Store.

Apple declined to comment for this story other than to repeat “‘Macs for Mac users’?”

No Responses to “Mac Users Demand Anti-Windows Immigration Legislation.”

  1. Oh my, did I break the layout? Someone really should fix that…

    I forgot to mention, 50th biatchnuggets!

  2. John Moltz says:

    Ha-ha!

    Bi-atch.

  3. Nxxx says:

    Why can’t we have a 53rd No.1.

    You’ve cocked up again Young Johnny.

  4. zox says:

    um…123th damn..

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