03 Jul 06Welcome To Crazy Ubuntu Rumors Site!

Joining the recent trend of Mac users switching to Ubuntu, Crazy Apple Rumors Site is pleased to announce that it is changing its name to Crazy Ubuntu Rumors Site! Yes, with the switching of one uber-geek after another, we’ve decided to get in on the ground floor of this sea change. Henceforth, this site will be solely dedicated to rumors about the Ubuntu operating system.

While “CURS” doesn’t have quite the ring to it that “CARS” did, we’re confident that you’ll see fit to join the increasing number of people who are switching to Ubuntu.


For those of you unfamiliar with Ubuntu, Ubuntu switchers and Ubuntu-mania, please look for our upcoming 132-part series entitled “What The Fuck Is ‘Ubuntu’ And Why The Fuck Would I Want To Recompile My Applications Myself? I Mean, Who The Fuck Am I? Fucking Linus Torvalds? Fuck.”

That’s, um, just a working title.

It might be longer.

We here at Crazy Ubuntu Rumors Site feel this announcement is particularly apt on the eve of the 4th of July, as we “declare our independence” from the “tyranny” of Apple’s “oppressive” DRM and proprietary data formats!



As a matter of fact, in a symbolic gesture of our newfound independence from Apple, we’ve taken our PowerBooks, iMacs and Power Macs and dumped them in Tacoma’s Commencement Bay!

Which was…


Well, that was a really stupid thing to do.

I mean, we didn’t realize this at the time, but we could have actually run Ubuntu on those.

Who knew? I just thought we’d call up Ubuntu Computers and order a bunch of new Ubuntus with the Ubuntu OS installed on their Ubuntu-formatted hard drives.

I guess we just got caught up in Ubuntu fever.

By which I mean the metaphorical “fever” experienced by enthusiasts of the Ubuntu operating system and not the actual “Ubuntu fever” which is an obscure but deadly type of flesh-eating virus found in the Congo.

Well, anyway, that’s all behind us now, and we’re eager to get started! So, if you’ve got Ubuntu rumors, please send them our way!

But not tomorrow. Tomorrow we’ll be off while we get some new hardware – probably at some crazy Ubuntu Store 4th of July sale I’d imagine. Then we’ll be spending hours upon hours editing a whole mess of files to get stuff like sleep and OpenGL to work and then recompiling some other shit and downloading GIMP and OpenOffice and learning C and, I dunno, FORTRAN or something.

For some reason I think you need to know FORTRAN.

It’s gonna be so boss!


[Editor’s Note: Since the posting of this article, we’ve realized that there really isn’t much of a business model in building a site around rumors about an open source operating system.

There… there just aren’t any.

It’s open source.

I mean… that… that should have been kind of obvious.


Damn, I really wish I hadn’t thrown my PowerBook into the bay.]

No Responses to “Welcome To Crazy Ubuntu Rumors Site!”

  1. Garrett says:

    Ubuntu? Isn’t that something the bums get from the dumpster behind the Old Spaghetti Factory down on Jefferson Street? Or is that the name of the latest gang up in Hill Top? Or is that the sound newbies to Tacoma make when they get their first whiff of good old “Tacoma Aroma!”.

    Truthfully though, it’s a secret password. If you go down to the Emerald Queen and walk up to the biggest, ugliest Indian bouncer there and say “UBUNTU!”, he’ll take you to a secret room where you actually win money!

  2. Ubuntu says:

    Ilove Ubuntu!

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    … and so shoulf you! Ubuntu 4 Life, YO!

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    Ubuntu: Linux for Human Beings!

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    I couldn’t understand some parts of this article Welcome To Crazy Ubuntu Rumors Site!, but I guess I just need to check some more resources regarding this, because it sounds interesting.

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