05 Jul 06Apple To Release "Leopard Mobile."

Joining the recent trend of Mac users switching to Ubuntu, Crazy Apple Rumors Site is pleased to announce that it is changing its name to Crazy Ubuntu Rumors Site! Yes, with the switching of one uber-geek after another, we’ve decided to get in on the ground floor of this sea change. Henceforth, this site will be solely dedicated to rumors about the Ubuntu operating system.

While “CURS” doesn’t have quite the ring to it that “CARS” did, we’re confident that you’ll see fit to join the increasing number of people who are switching to Ubuntu.

Ubuntu!

For those of you unfamiliar with Ubuntu, Ubuntu switchers and Ubuntu-mania, please look for our upcoming 132-part series entitled “What The Fuck Is ‘Ubuntu’ And Why The Fuck Would I Want To Recompile My Applications Myself? I Mean, Who The Fuck Am I? Fucking Linus Torvalds? Fuck.”

That’s, um, just a working title.

It might be longer.

We here at Crazy Ubuntu Rumors Site feel this announcement is particularly apt on the eve of the 4th of July, as we “declare our independence” from the “tyranny” of Apple’s “oppressive” DRM and proprietary data formats!

Ha-ha!

Ubuntu!

As a matter of fact, in a symbolic gesture of our newfound independence from Apple, we’ve taken our PowerBooks, iMacs and Power Macs and dumped them in Tacoma’s Commencement Bay!

Which was…

Um…

Well, that was a really stupid thing to do.

I mean, we didn’t realize this at the time, but we could have actually run Ubuntu on those.

Who knew? I just thought we’d call up Ubuntu Computers and order a bunch of new Ubuntus with the Ubuntu OS installed on their Ubuntu-formatted hard drives.

I guess we just got caught up in Ubuntu fever.

By which I mean the metaphorical “fever” experienced by enthusiasts of the Ubuntu operating system and not the actual “Ubuntu fever” which is an obscure but deadly type of flesh-eating virus found in the Congo.

Well, anyway, that’s all behind us now, and we’re eager to get started! So, if you’ve got Ubuntu rumors, please send them our way!

But not tomorrow. Tomorrow we’ll be off while we get some new hardware – probably at some crazy Ubuntu Store 4th of July sale I’d imagine. Then we’ll be spending hours upon hours editing a whole mess of files to get stuff like sleep and OpenGL to work and then recompiling some other shit and downloading GIMP and OpenOffice and learning C and, I dunno, FORTRAN or something.

For some reason I think you need to know FORTRAN.

It’s gonna be so boss!

Ubuntu!

[Editor’s Note: Since the posting of this article, we’ve realized that there really isn’t much of a business model in building a site around rumors about an open source operating system.

There… there just aren’t any.

It’s open source.

I mean… that… that should have been kind of obvious.

Uh…

Damn, I really wish I hadn’t thrown my PowerBook into the bay.]
The Mac community was abuzz today over a YouTube video that purported to show a “lite” version of the next release of Mac OS X – dubbed “Leopard Mobile” – running on an Apple iPod.

While most of the sites linking to the video derided the its possible authenticity, Crazy Apple Rumors Site has learned that this video is real and is so totally not just a video that some dude is click-synching to.

“Leopard Mobile” will be released some time next year after the full version of Leopard is released and will be designed to run on “trim” platforms such as the iPod. In addition to the iPod, CARS has confirmed that “Leopard Mobile” will run on a number of other devices.

According to sources, “Leopard Mobile” will run on:

A Motorola Razr.

A PSP.

A Space: 1999 comlock.

A bagel with cream cheese.

Apple declined to comment for this story, but company spokesperson Cynthia Mclaren did have prodigious amounts of cream cheese in her teeth.

44 Responses to “Apple To Release "Leopard Mobile."”

  1. silta says:

    First?

  2. Psyko says:

    First for Psyko?

  3. Gary says:

    now to read it.

  4. silta says:

    Yeah!! I didi it…. I’m gonna read the rumour, of course.

    Regards,
    silta

  5. Psyko says:

    That is what I get for reading it…
    Now I just need to remember what I was going to actually comment about. It is 10:12 right now; lets see how long it take for me to remember…

    AHA! I remember, it would have been better if I didn’t forget in the first place and have to flounder around, but oh well.

    The first three are obviously fakes. They are all a screenshot of the same thing, so why would the open window be of different proportions on each one? The window is stretched or smashed depending which device the Photoshop “expert” was putting the screenshot on. Only the bagel has a correct aspect ratio.

    MARK

  6. Psyko says:

    I am not a cowboy. 🙁
    Take it back you insensitive jerk.

    MARK

  7. Psyko says:

    Maybe I should stop now…

    MARK

  8. Psyko says:

    ELEVEN

    Ok, now I will.

    MARK

  9. joey lange says:

    12?

    that’s the month of my birthday.

    i want a bagel

  10. Uguruko says:

    Uguruko like bagels and cream cheese. My have all things stuck in teeth. But my not lite. My heavy. Veeeery heavy. So my want big leopard to eat, not lite one. Who want lite one? Leopard is goooood eating. Try barbeque. Big leopard, big fire, big taste, big tummy …

    Please to let me join staff. I am wanting to be so creative like you. I also wanting crazy wild neanderthal/Japanese boy/girl love triangle with so sexy Ugluk and so sexy Masako. (I wrote in comments of last two stories – you look!)

  11. Ace Deuce says:

    Cyndy Creamcheese, oh baby now what’s got into ya?

  12. blah says:

    Hey wait, the bagel is fake!!!

  13. Nxxx says:

    But are they running on a Ubuntu base?

  14. Bill Gates says:

    So when are they comming out?

    -what do you mean you are joking, i don’t believe you.

  15. Tom says:

    Let’s not start on that ideological Linux crap again. You know, the whole free-software thing is so blindly ideological about its platform that they just refuse to see when … oh … OS 7.5.1 anyone?

  16. A Priest, a Rabbi, and Napoleon Dynamite says:

    Of course the bagel is at the correct aspect ratio because it better meets the hardware requirements after adding the cream cheese upgrade. Duhhh! Flippin Retarded!

  17. HisSteveness says:

    Will it run on ponies, too?

  18. The Invisible Evil Boys' Choir says:

    FAKE! FAKE! FAKE! FAKE! FAKE! FAKE! FAKE! FAKE! FAKE! FAKE! FAKE! FAKE!
    FAKE! FAKE! FAKE! FAKE! FAKE! FAKE! FAKE! FAKE! FAKE! FAKE! FAKE! FAKE!
    FAKE! FAKE! FAKE! FAKE! FAKE! FAKE! FAKE! FAKE! FAKE! FAKE! FAKE! FAKE!
    FAKE! FAKE! FAKE! FAKE! FAKE! FAKE! FAKE! FAKE! FAKE! FAKE! FAKE! FAKE!

  19. Ergo says:

    every drawing board design could have been “Fake” at some point of developement. It is the visionaries who built this country! Suckling at the teat of mother necessity as she gently stroked their… wait a minute, bagels on’t even have a microprocessor…
    Oh that is so fake!!!

  20. A priest, a rabbi, and I says:

    “prodigious amounts of cream cheese in her teeth”

    I think a nobel is in order for this line. Ether that or a good hardy chuckle.

  21. John Moltz says:

    “Only the bagel has a correct aspect ratio.”

    Psyko, my boy, it’s comments like that that make writing this site worthwhile. I think that could be a new CARS catch-phrase. I’m thinking t-shirts.

  22. NWJR says:

    Is the poppyseed bagel more expensive than the garlic/onion model?

  23. LARick says:

    “Only the bagel has the correct aspect ratio”

    Truly LMAO !

  24. Ubuntu says:

    Where’s the FUCKING Ubuntu?

  25. Tom says:

    If not a Nobel, then definitely a job with Hustler…

  26. Invisible Evil Pants™ Choir says:

    Pants™ Pants™ Pants™ Pants™ Pants™ Pants™ Pants™ Pants™ Pants™ Pants™ Pants™
    Pants™ Pants™ Pants™ Pants™ Pants™ Pants™ Pants™ Pants™ Pants™ Pants™ Pants™
    Pants™ Pants™ Pants™ Pants™ Pants™ Pants™ Pants™ Pants™ Pants™ Pants™ Pants™
    Pants™ Pants™ Pants™ Pants™ Pants™ Pants™ Pants™ Pants™ Pants™ Pants™ Pants™
    Pants™ Pants™ Pants™ Pants™ Pants™ Pants™ Pants™ Pants™ Pants™ Pants™ Pants™

    So the question is, with it run on Pants™?

  27. comacnut says:

    “wait a minute, bagels on’t even have a microprocessor…
    Oh that is so fake!!!”

    So you can understand just how great an accomplishment this really is.

    Bagel fans rejoice.

  28. Ace Deuce says:

    They’re having a problem with the bagels overheating. They get downright toasty. And the cream cheese melts a little, and the tester can’t stand it any longer and takes a bite.

    Warrantee violation.

  29. Bandar the Invinsible says:

    Bagels are soooo last year. Give me an english muffin any day. Or, just a new ultra MacBook Pro. Yes, I’ll take one of those to have matching PPC and Intel laptops. 😀

  30. I am *SO* buying that Moonbase Alpha comlock!

    My tricorder doesn’t even have the processing power to run Tiger, if you can believe that.

    Shoddy piece of 23rd century JUNK! They just don’t make ’em like they used to. Or will. Or something.

  31. monkeys says:

    The Dev version I own runs even on my bathroom’s mirror. I haven’t been able to shave for weeks now, thanks, Apple!

  32. Psyko says:

    It will run in pants, but not on. No sense in grinding a good pair of pants into the dirt.

    MARK

  33. Huh? says:

    Well, to clear things up, it seems that running it on Pants™ is rather unreliable.
    It does run quite nicely on Shorts™(make sure you run the firmware update first)

    moo

  34. Ozi says:

    What is this, people-who-normally-only-ever-post-in-the-megapost-decide-to-post-here day?

    pfffft.

  35. Psyko says:

    Hey now, I’m not seeing many megaposters here at all actually. In fact, I am the only megaposter here that doesn’t normally post here.

    MARK

  36. LKM says:

    screw the fucken psp. I want it on my ds!

  37. John C. Randolph says:

    This “Pants” of which you speak… Is this a new venture that David Letterman is promoting?

    -jcr

  38. Huh? says:

    Although Mr. Letterman’s pants are worldwide, my Pants™ are… well, Pants™.
    Now if you were referring to Mr. Moltz’s pants, just ignore the previous comment.

    Everyone else does.

    moo

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