Apple To Release "Leopard Mobile."

Joining the recent trend of Mac users switching to Ubuntu, Crazy Apple Rumors Site is pleased to announce that it is changing its name to Crazy Ubuntu Rumors Site! Yes, with the switching of one uber-geek after another, we’ve decided to get in on the ground floor of this sea change. Henceforth, this site will be solely dedicated to rumors about the Ubuntu operating system.

While “CURS” doesn’t have quite the ring to it that “CARS” did, we’re confident that you’ll see fit to join the increasing number of people who are switching to Ubuntu.


For those of you unfamiliar with Ubuntu, Ubuntu switchers and Ubuntu-mania, please look for our upcoming 132-part series entitled “What The Fuck Is ‘Ubuntu’ And Why The Fuck Would I Want To Recompile My Applications Myself? I Mean, Who The Fuck Am I? Fucking Linus Torvalds? Fuck.”

That’s, um, just a working title.

It might be longer.

We here at Crazy Ubuntu Rumors Site feel this announcement is particularly apt on the eve of the 4th of July, as we “declare our independence” from the “tyranny” of Apple’s “oppressive” DRM and proprietary data formats!



As a matter of fact, in a symbolic gesture of our newfound independence from Apple, we’ve taken our PowerBooks, iMacs and Power Macs and dumped them in Tacoma’s Commencement Bay!

Which was…


Well, that was a really stupid thing to do.

I mean, we didn’t realize this at the time, but we could have actually run Ubuntu on those.

Who knew? I just thought we’d call up Ubuntu Computers and order a bunch of new Ubuntus with the Ubuntu OS installed on their Ubuntu-formatted hard drives.

I guess we just got caught up in Ubuntu fever.

By which I mean the metaphorical “fever” experienced by enthusiasts of the Ubuntu operating system and not the actual “Ubuntu fever” which is an obscure but deadly type of flesh-eating virus found in the Congo.

Well, anyway, that’s all behind us now, and we’re eager to get started! So, if you’ve got Ubuntu rumors, please send them our way!

But not tomorrow. Tomorrow we’ll be off while we get some new hardware – probably at some crazy Ubuntu Store 4th of July sale I’d imagine. Then we’ll be spending hours upon hours editing a whole mess of files to get stuff like sleep and OpenGL to work and then recompiling some other shit and downloading GIMP and OpenOffice and learning C and, I dunno, FORTRAN or something.

For some reason I think you need to know FORTRAN.

It’s gonna be so boss!


[Editor’s Note: Since the posting of this article, we’ve realized that there really isn’t much of a business model in building a site around rumors about an open source operating system.

There… there just aren’t any.

It’s open source.

I mean… that… that should have been kind of obvious.


Damn, I really wish I hadn’t thrown my PowerBook into the bay.]
The Mac community was abuzz today over a YouTube video that purported to show a “lite” version of the next release of Mac OS X – dubbed “Leopard Mobile” – running on an Apple iPod.

While most of the sites linking to the video derided the its possible authenticity, Crazy Apple Rumors Site has learned that this video is real and is so totally not just a video that some dude is click-synching to.

“Leopard Mobile” will be released some time next year after the full version of Leopard is released and will be designed to run on “trim” platforms such as the iPod. In addition to the iPod, CARS has confirmed that “Leopard Mobile” will run on a number of other devices.

According to sources, “Leopard Mobile” will run on:

A Motorola Razr.


A Space: 1999 comlock.

A bagel with cream cheese.

Apple declined to comment for this story, but company spokesperson Cynthia Mclaren did have prodigious amounts of cream cheese in her teeth.

44 thoughts on “Apple To Release "Leopard Mobile."”

  1. That is what I get for reading it…
    Now I just need to remember what I was going to actually comment about. It is 10:12 right now; lets see how long it take for me to remember…

    AHA! I remember, it would have been better if I didn’t forget in the first place and have to flounder around, but oh well.

    The first three are obviously fakes. They are all a screenshot of the same thing, so why would the open window be of different proportions on each one? The window is stretched or smashed depending which device the Photoshop “expert” was putting the screenshot on. Only the bagel has a correct aspect ratio.


  2. Uguruko like bagels and cream cheese. My have all things stuck in teeth. But my not lite. My heavy. Veeeery heavy. So my want big leopard to eat, not lite one. Who want lite one? Leopard is goooood eating. Try barbeque. Big leopard, big fire, big taste, big tummy …

    Please to let me join staff. I am wanting to be so creative like you. I also wanting crazy wild neanderthal/Japanese boy/girl love triangle with so sexy Ugluk and so sexy Masako. (I wrote in comments of last two stories – you look!)

  3. Let’s not start on that ideological Linux crap again. You know, the whole free-software thing is so blindly ideological about its platform that they just refuse to see when … oh … OS 7.5.1 anyone?

  4. Of course the bagel is at the correct aspect ratio because it better meets the hardware requirements after adding the cream cheese upgrade. Duhhh! Flippin Retarded!


  6. every drawing board design could have been “Fake” at some point of developement. It is the visionaries who built this country! Suckling at the teat of mother necessity as she gently stroked their… wait a minute, bagels on’t even have a microprocessor…
    Oh that is so fake!!!

  7. “prodigious amounts of cream cheese in her teeth”

    I think a nobel is in order for this line. Ether that or a good hardy chuckle.

  8. “Only the bagel has a correct aspect ratio.”

    Psyko, my boy, it’s comments like that that make writing this site worthwhile. I think that could be a new CARS catch-phrase. I’m thinking t-shirts.

  9. Pants™ Pants™ Pants™ Pants™ Pants™ Pants™ Pants™ Pants™ Pants™ Pants™ Pants™
    Pants™ Pants™ Pants™ Pants™ Pants™ Pants™ Pants™ Pants™ Pants™ Pants™ Pants™
    Pants™ Pants™ Pants™ Pants™ Pants™ Pants™ Pants™ Pants™ Pants™ Pants™ Pants™
    Pants™ Pants™ Pants™ Pants™ Pants™ Pants™ Pants™ Pants™ Pants™ Pants™ Pants™
    Pants™ Pants™ Pants™ Pants™ Pants™ Pants™ Pants™ Pants™ Pants™ Pants™ Pants™

    So the question is, with it run on Pants™?

  10. “wait a minute, bagels on’t even have a microprocessor…
    Oh that is so fake!!!”

    So you can understand just how great an accomplishment this really is.

    Bagel fans rejoice.

  11. They’re having a problem with the bagels overheating. They get downright toasty. And the cream cheese melts a little, and the tester can’t stand it any longer and takes a bite.

    Warrantee violation.

  12. Bagels are soooo last year. Give me an english muffin any day. Or, just a new ultra MacBook Pro. Yes, I’ll take one of those to have matching PPC and Intel laptops. 😀

  13. I am *SO* buying that Moonbase Alpha comlock!

    My tricorder doesn’t even have the processing power to run Tiger, if you can believe that.

    Shoddy piece of 23rd century JUNK! They just don’t make ’em like they used to. Or will. Or something.

  14. The Dev version I own runs even on my bathroom’s mirror. I haven’t been able to shave for weeks now, thanks, Apple!

  15. Well, to clear things up, it seems that running it on Pants™ is rather unreliable.
    It does run quite nicely on Shorts™(make sure you run the firmware update first)


  16. What is this, people-who-normally-only-ever-post-in-the-megapost-decide-to-post-here day?


  17. Hey now, I’m not seeing many megaposters here at all actually. In fact, I am the only megaposter here that doesn’t normally post here.


  18. This “Pants” of which you speak… Is this a new venture that David Letterman is promoting?


  19. Although Mr. Letterman’s pants are worldwide, my Pants™ are… well, Pants™.
    Now if you were referring to Mr. Moltz’s pants, just ignore the previous comment.

    Everyone else does.


  20. [url=]Christian Louboutin[/url] your feet and this increases your confidence several levels. This is the main reason why women from all over the globe love these shoes and adore them. These Christian Louboutin shoes from all the varieties and ranges certainly have a sway over a woman’s heart. They make them feel loved, pampered, adored, understood and given the freedom to do whatever they want with their lives. This is what makes a woman reach out for these shoes again and again.On the other hand the Replica
    [url=]Christian Louboutin Shoes[/url] Christian Louboutin allows bringing out the unknown in you. This means that the woman is able to get the best of fashion at the best of prices. The right to remain fashionable even on a strict budget is what every woman craves for. Just because one’s budget is insufficient and real tight does not mean that one needs to dress in a depressing fashion. They love the way that these shoes make them feel about themselves. They are able to lift them from the ground and at the same time
    [url=]Christian Louboutin Outlet[/url] make them feel that life does not need to be all work and no play. It offers them the right amounts of fun and frolic and any woman will never complain.The minimal budget no longer comes between a woman and the fashion statement that she would like to make based on the way that she is dressed. Economic difficulties will not let her reject the favorite brand and settle for anything less than that. Most women love the brand because of the way that it goes ahead and depicts youth and all
    [url=]Christian Louboutin sale[/url] things youthful surrounded by it.When you have the Christian Louboutin shoes on, you become a part of the style tribe. A kind of tribe that allows you to be a part of the elite fashion tribe of women who have been lucky enough to be born with so much money that they do not need to work their fingers to the bone! This is certainly a distinctive style that can be got from no other brand.The right progress in fashion can only be made with the right shoes by your side and that is a fact

Comments are closed.