12 Oct 06Apple Faces New MacBook Lawsuit.

Having recently learned that it is the target of a lawsuit over over-heating MacBooks, Apple learned today that another group is targeting the company.

According to sources at the Shady Acres Retirement Home, a group of seniors is suing the company because their MacBooks aren’t hot enough.

“I bought this gahd damn MacBook so I could stay warm this winter!” shouted Herbert Warner, pointing accusingly at his MacBook. “I got bad circulation! And this gahd damn thing wouldn’t keep a fly warm!”

Warner shook his fist at the MacBook and spit on the floor.

“Gahd damn it! I didn’t lose a nipple on Iwo Jima to waste $1,100 on a cold laptop! Makes me wish I got me one of them laptops with the… waddaya call ’em… the explodin’ batteries.”

After an angry silence, Warner said “I lost a nipple on Iwo Jima, you know!”

Warner’s wife of 56 years, Martha, indicated that Warner did not actually fight in World War II and has never served in the military.

“He was 4-F, you know!” Mrs. Warner, a co-litigant said. “Because of his missing nipple, you see! My father said, ‘Jesus, Martha, tell me you’re not gonna marry that one-nippled Warner boy!’

“But…” Warner said, hugging her irate husband, “I loved him!

“And we bought this laptop to keep us warm! That Jobs fellow should do right by us!”

When reached for comment, Steve Jobs said “You’ve got to be kidding me.”

43 Responses to “Apple Faces New MacBook Lawsuit.”

  1. Dude! I did it again! I read the article and then posted and was 1st through 11th! No one has ever done this. EVER! And I have now done it 3 @#&@#&*!ing times!!!! Dude!!!!!

  2. OMGHAX says:

    Since that accursed chicken has taken over posts 1-14, I shall be henceforth known as the rightful owner of second.

  3. OMGHAX says:

    Oh wait. That’s no chicken. That’s some sort of Eastern Orthodaschund. My eyes must be failing me after 3 hours of Halo.

  4. Ace Raider says:

    And I’ll take third.

  5. Nxxx says:

    Moltz, you’ve lost it.
    It’s Friday 13th here in Europe.
    Will we survive?

  6. Carl says:

    Land of Goshen, but I declare, if that roughneck is come all expecting hisself to take first through eleventh while us’n’s is quiet as church mice, well I do believe he’ll find another thing coming, sure enough.

  7. vitamin fortified says:

    With all nipples intact and appropriately spaced I take 6tthhh.

  8. Gag Halfrunt says:

    21st is the new first.

  9. croikle says:

    Does his wife have the one he lost?

  10. Ventzi says:

    Guys, don’t you get it?!? He didn’t even turn the damned thing on!!!

    That’s what a missing nipple does to one’s brain. So protect your nipples!

    meow

    P.S.
    This looks like 3rd, according to Halfrunt

  11. Bob the wrecker says:

    if i think my macbook is running a bit cool, i just fill it up with some hot water. Works like a charm.

  12. 2000guitars says:

    nipple nailer (of doom) (in bed)

    *insert “brace -n- bits” joke here*

    ….no, ya idgit, don’t actually *insert* it…

    uh, I give up

    the whole Package™®™℠©℗

  13. pauldwaite says:

    “Shay-dee. Eh-kers!” I love that jingle.

    Rockstar are gonna sue you so baaaaaaaad.

  14. Streetrabbit says:

    I can’t believe you actually got a comment from Jobs. Usually he declines. Well done. Brilliant!

  15. A.Coward says:

    Friday the 13th and Moltzy has the balls to type in “gad” when refering the Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Everybody take two steps back from your computer before the lighting strikes. Unless your using a MacBook. The wireless should save you. Unless you are missing a nipple and haven’t even turned it on yet.

    At least use a capital G. For the love of……Cowards

  16. NWJR says:

    Huh, huh. He said, “nipple”. Huh, huh, huh.

  17. UhhhDude says:

    Hey, I think I found your nipple! (To think it’s been over here for the last 50 years.)

  18. Ahnyer|Keester says:

    Apple has a strict policy about one-nippled|men. If you look deep into the end user license, it’s there.

    No, the exemption, not the nipple. Gosh, that’s just wrong.

  19. Step says:

    11th, since no one has seen fit to yet claim it. (besides boobyhead, who only questioned and didn’t claim anyways)

    Woohoo! And I didn’t even have to stay up sooooper late!

  20. One nipple? Ha! As half of a cow, I have six nipples! And the dog half has eight!

    Moof

  21. Steve Jobs says:

    Ha! I’ve got his nipple! I modeled the roller ball on top of the Mighty Mouse on it! Now I keep it in a hyperbaric chamber at 1 Infinite Loop!

    Steve (not iWoz)

  22. Ace Deuce says:

    The Lost and Found Department on Iwo Jima has three nipples unclaimed. You must have identification and have your DNA tested to make a claim. Good luck!

  23. His Steveness says:

    My ponys have nipples, too!

  24. Rip Ragged says:

    Wait, is this a one-nippled-guy class action suit? Cuz’ I could go for something hot on my lap. If it’s hot enough, I’ll even cut off a nipple.

  25. Ahnyer Keester says:

    That’s it, if 11 is already claimed, I’m claiming ||

  26. Rip Ragged says:

    | like it.

  27. Bill Eccles says:

    You know, Apple doesn’t call ’em “laptops.” They call them “Notebooks.”

    With a capital “N.”

    For “Nipple.”

    Huh huh.

    Um, I said, “Nipple.”

  28. monkeys says:

    Nipple = Nike + Apple.

    Thank you ATAT II.

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