25 Oct 06Jobs Announces Firefox 2.0

After its early release yesterday, Apple CEO Steve Jobs held a hasty press conference this morning to announce Firefox 2.0.

Which struck the technology world as unusual as Apple does not make Firefox.

“Firefox 2.0 is the best browser for the Mac, Jobs said. “And here’s why.

“It’s standards-driven, stable and faster than lightning. It’s my new browser of choice for OS X.”

Drawing nothing but blank, confused stares from the gathered members of the media, Jobs added “I went straight from Internet Explorer to Firefox.”

Jobs then denied ever having heard the word “Safari” before, including in its African context.

Listening to a webcast of Jobs’ presentation, lead Firefox developer Ben Goodger asked “What the hell is he talking about?”

Realization suddenly coming over Goodger’s face, he cried “Hey… hey… HEY! He… he’s stealing our project!”

Indeed, according to sources in the know, much as he did with the Macintosh over twenty years ago, Jobs is now attempting to steal Firefox.

“First there was Lisa and the Mac, now it’s Safari and Firefox,” said Andy Hertzfeld. “Well, you’ve got to give Steve credit. He knows a quality product.”

Hertzfeld then complained that Jobs stole his lunch once in June of 1983.

“It was a cheese sandwich on wheat with lettuce and sprouts,” Hertzfeld said angrily.

“I… I still think of that sandwich sometimes…”

No Responses to “Jobs Announces Firefox 2.0”

  1. Mykie says:

    Yeah, screw Safari… and Firefox… iCab forever, wooooooOoo!

  2. The Doctor says:

    A fox made of fire? Fantastic!

    I knew it would one day destroy the web of omniscience…

    -=The Doctor=-

  3. Lord Coronary says:

    I bet he’s never been to the opera either.

  4. Nxxx says:

    Firefox? Safari? My browser uses stone tablets bought from some dude called Moses. Reliable but slow and available for use on Ubuntu.

  5. jurgen says:

    Nor has he made a picture with little coloured tiles. What are they called again?

  6. The Doctor says:

    Lest we forget, my friend K-9 was the first real Cyberdog.

    -=The Doctor=-

  7. Carl says:

    Me and my homies, we pour out a bottle of 40 for Chimera all the time. David Hyatt, RIP dawg! When we party in Heaven, it will be 4ever, 4 real.

    Huh? Safar-what? No, I’m pretty sure both Hyatt and Chimera are dead.

    I mean, if not, that’s a lot of wasted malt liquor.

  8. Rip Ragged says:

    He also stole the hubcaps off of a ’58 Peugot, a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup, and, in August, 1967, all the paper napkins from a four-place table at Denny’s. Every once in a while, he gives employees the finger when their backs are turned.

    It’s a matter of public record. Look it up.

  9. Ace Deuce says:

    Alfalfa sprouts are okay. I’m not wild about bean sprouts. The cheese cannot be processed and the bread must have some color to it. If you want me to steal your lunch, it will have to be standards-compliant.

  10. vitamin fortified says:

    Now has he ever stole an El Camino? He can fill the back with standards compliant alfalfa sprouts.

    Will hubcaps from a Peugot fit?

  11. stridey says:

    Ben Goodger isn’t the lead dev anymore… It’s Mike Connor now.

  12. Bob the wrecker says:

    last! (beat that!)

  13. NWJR says:

    Firefox spelled backwards is “Xoferif”, which happens to be Swahili for “Jobs”.

    At least that’s what I heard.

  14. UhhhDude says:

    “Ben Goodger isn’t the lead dev anymore… It’s Mike Connor now.”

    You mean the lead developer for Firefox…is Mannix?

  15. Rip Ragged says:

    Mike Connor? He was a linebacker for the Oakland Raiders in the early 70’s. Played at the same time as Big Ben Davidson, Fred Biletnikoff; Ken Stabler was still a backup quarterback. That explains why my copy of Firefox displays all in Norwegian (or possibly Swedish).

  16. Hobbs says:

    Now THAT was really funny!

  17. Bob the wrecker says:

    Jobs spelled backwards is “sboJ”, which happens to mean nothing, in any language.


  18. derekm says:

    I thought SBOJ was “The State of the Beard Of Jobs” Quite a coincidence with that name, wasn’t it?

  19. Del says:

    I still prefer Safari. I was really hoping that ff2.0 would deal with RSS feeds better. Still no switch for me.

  20. Anomynous says:


  21. UhhhDude says:


  22. OMGHAX says:

    Steve Jobs will steal you!

  23. Ahnyer Keester says:

    Yea, what’s next?

    In a bizarre news conference, Apple CEO Steve Jobs announced the release of Windows Vista, “Vista is the best OS for the Mac,” Jobs said. “And here’s why.

    “It sets its own standards and intimidates others into adopting them, it is much more stable than Windows 3.1 ever was and on theoretically possible computer configurations it is almost as fast as Mac OS X.

    “Point 1.

    “On a G3.

    “With 128MB of memory.

    “It’s my new OS of choice for the Mac.”

    Drawing nothing but blank, confused stares from the media, Jobs added “I just went straight from System 7 to Vista.”

    I mean, it just doesn’t make any kind of sense to me!!

  24. Mittan says:

    Wait, was Jobs a vegan back in June of ’83?

  25. Ace Deuce says:

    Mmm… Tang! It’s tangy.

    According to Wikipedia, on “Married with Children” members of the Bundy family made “Tang sandwiches”. And if there was not enough for a sandwich, they would have “Tang wipe” (a slice of bread wiped in the jar to absorb the residual Tang).

    When I was young, I used Tang as a topping for vanilla ice cream. I believe that is why I now am a regular reader of CARS.

  26. Buthidae says:

    Tang sandwiches? I like the sound of that.

  27. Disclaimer says:

    I claim 1 through 10.
    lazy sonsabitches.

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