26 Oct 06iPhone Looks Like Crap.

A disturbing report on what is clearly the upcoming iPhone leads to the incontrovertible conclusion that what many hoped would be the next flagship Apple product just looks like crap.

“What the hell is that?” asked the New York Times’ David Pogue. “What a fricking piece of crap!”

Pogue’s criticism was echoed by other analysts.

“Here I was thinking the iPhone was going to be this incredibly cool, slim device,” said the Wall Street Journal’s Walt Mossberg.

“But this… this looks like a pack of smokes with a couple of buttons on it.”

Others attempted to explain away the appearance of the images in the patent application.

“Haven’t you ever seen those concept cars?” asked Wired’s Leander Kaheny. “Well, the finished product never looks like the concept.

“Of course… in that example the concept always looks better than the finished product. And this…

“Jesus, what a piece of crap.”

Apple declined to comment for this story, but did ask “What? You don’t like it?”

No Responses to “iPhone Looks Like Crap.”

  1. Salmon says:

    Second, and I read

  2. Psyko says:

    It’s a toaster.

    MARK

  3. Spider says:

    Third and I blue

  4. Bob the wrecker says:

    Bob spelled backwards: 4

  5. Bob the wrecker says:

    eh 5 (well ok: 6)

  6. Ace Raider says:

    Fifth and I green… like that makes any sense

  7. Ace Raider says:

    Booooo

  8. Ace Raider says:

    That’s no phone. It’s a Midland Walkie Talkie from about 1979.

  9. Diez and I don’t smoke

  10. Huh? says:

    It’s a… It’s a… It’s a…
    um….
    Yeah, one of those.

    moo

  11. Sir Macallot says:

    It’s a , it’s a… help?

    I guess 12th?

  12. Bob the wrecker says:

    Bob’s from europe. Bob wonders why US cells still have antennae. Is there no cable in US;-) Without antenna it just looks like a lunch box. Well, an american lunch box. In Europe lunch boxes have antennae.

  13. Ventzi says:

    It looks as if you can collect nice little bugs in it. And when you put it to your ear, they will bzzzzzz…

    meow

  14. Nxxx says:

    Where’s the beef? Nelson would have been proud to have used one of those at Trafalgar.

  15. scared monster says:

    There is some improvement : Apple included the cracks in the front !
    That way, if some new cracks appeared, no one would notice them !

    What ?
    Some drawing code representing glass ?
    A shiny surface ?

    Ooooh… It’s not only they lost their design mojo…they can’t draw anymore…

  16. Ace Deuce says:

    I saw the original illustration and it was quite lovely.

    Problem is, the patent office has standards and so Apple’s artist used the Photoshop filter called StandPat.plugin which instantly transforms any image into a standards-compliant patent illustration.

    Some bozo used the filter on some pages from Da Vinci’s notebook, was granted a patent, and is now suing Sikorsky.

  17. Carl says:

    I think they got the patent mixed up. This product is an iPhone from the Red Apple cigarettes company, not an Apple (Red) cigarette box/iPhone. Those will be patented later. (Hint: they’re addictive as hell and sponsored by Bono.)

  18. The Highly Esteemed YoYo says:

    I read cell phones in China have antenna because Chinese girls like to customise them (don’t ask me how). I also read that the horniest beetles have the tiniest testicles. I even more also read that the sexiest female flies have the least attractive sons. I didn’t read how the researchers could tell which flies were sexy.

  19. The Highly Esteemed YoYo says:

    Regarding the phones looks: I like it, its got a certain… ah… what do you call it to it… hideousness, that’s it.

  20. Eses says:

    It’s so…80’s. Can’t you just see it being used on Miami Vice or something? Or is that when we were all still using bag phones?

    So retro is the ‘new black’?

  21. Joe #2 says:

    It’s a Cookbook! A COOKBOOK!!!!

    Sorry, had to get that out.

  22. Steve G. says:

    Re: #16 and 17

    You are correct in that the US Patent and Trademark Office has certain drawing requirements regarding cross-hatching for different materials (if you’re really curious or just plain bored, see this PDF http://www.uspto.gov/web/offices/com/iip/pdf/brochure_05.pdf from the USPTO at page 21). It looks like a “refractory material”, but then I’m just a patent attorney, not a patent draftsman.

  23. Del says:

    I was thinking it looked like my garage door opener. I can just see it now. Every time I answer a phone call my garage door opens.

  24. Paul says:

    I think the reason it looks like crap is that it’s brown…

  25. OMGHAX says:

    Wait a second… I know what that is! It’s the DOOMSDAY DEVICE!

  26. Jasonbot says:

    ^^ agreed! But why is apple patenting it? I thought zune would fill that spot?

  27. blank says:

    Maybe you’re supposed to carry it rolled up in a t-shirt sleeve like a pack of Lucky Strikes. You know, for that James Dean look.

  28. comacnut says:

    Haven’t you guys heard, ugly is in. Apple is always on the cutting edge. Kudos to Mr. Ives.

  29. foo master says:

    Not only is it ugly, it’s hairy. But why did they number each hair? Must be a “patent” thing.

  30. g says:

    What you can’t see from the drawing is that it’s about the same size as the new iPod Shuffle.

  31. The Invisible Evil Industrial Desingers' Choir says:

    CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP!
    CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP!
    CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP!
    CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP!

  32. Woz says:

    Yeah, when you consider that there’s a Segway and polo mallet inside – plus a year’s horse feed and a generator to charge up the Segway, and that the manure from the horse is used to make methane to drive the generator, then it’s not so big as you might think.

  33. Ace Raider says:

    ^^^ And your house in Los Gatos was “not so big” too…

    moof

  34. Rip Ragged says:

    If you look carefully at all the drawings, and read the entire article, you’ll come to the exact same conclusion I did: Keith Richards is WAY too old to be in a rock band.

  35. jack says:

    HUMMMMMMM,OK THAT WAS THE CONCEPT,(I GUESS)WHEN WOULD THE REAL THING BE LAUNCHED,
    DON’T NEED HAMER ANY MORE.

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