Well, now…
Fortunately, someone in the comments of yesterday’s post wrote something so money that we really needn’t have even gotten out of bed. Frankly, we wish more of you commenters would make yourselves useful around here. You don’t all have to be witty. You could make some coffee or go out for donuts or something.
Setting an example for the rest of you slackers, commenter Rip Ragged came up with some absolutely filthy technology-inspired porn.
….her warm, moist vista engulfed my turgid Zune. “Ubuntu, ubuntu,” she repeated as she climbed from a husky whisper to a shrieking, wildly bucking crescendo, “UBUNTU, UBUNTU.”
I collapsed in her arms and murmured into her ear, “Welcome to the social.â€
That’s either our first or second favorite dirty comment of all time. Probably second because it’s technically impossible as the Zune is actually currently incompatible with Vista (or maybe that just makes it dirtier). We won’t tell you what the other comment was but it involved Hello Kitty and the Japanese word for something very naughty.
So, flush with the warm glow of Rip Ragged’s torrid opus, you should be set for the next ten days. Those of you in the states, have a happy Thanksgiving.
For those of you elsewhere…
Carry on.
first!
First?
Second
With a cigarette and a glow of satisfaction
Looks like I was sloppy seconds or maybe it was a threesome
In that case can I just say that I swear that has never happened to me before!
Just a one off baby, I assure you.
Hey, I got to confess I’m really Del, but I published under a pseudonym for obvious reasons.
I think from his total lack of work effort that Moltz is one of those damned liberals. Shooting’s too good for the commie, strap him to the gurney and let me inject Vista in his veins.
Happy Thanksgiving to our American cousins and remember, you can always rejoin the British Commonwealth of Nations and do what George W. says.
Just realised having read the news that John is queuing up for his Playstation lll.
They can rejoin just as soon as they master the classics, The Goon Show, Monty Python, etc.
Oh and exhibit an understanding of the rules of cricket.
| 11th too | bitches
I also want to confess that I’m sometimes disguised as John Moltz, pretending to be Del, dressed up like Nxxx.
So it’s confusing being me.
John suggested that a better dirty line is, “Fuck me like we’re in Tacoma.” That brought a flood of fond memories.
Warm beer at a Rainiers game, the smell of pulp mills; knowing that no matter what happens, you’re trying to find drunk-monkey sex in a city that hopes to get mentioned after Seattle once in a while. I almost got a tear in my eye, but living next door to a pulp mill in Aberdeen for 20 years permanently hosed up my tear ducts, so I couldn’t.
But a Saturday night in Tacoma will put the Ubuntu in your Zune, if you know what I mean (wink, nudge)
Oh yeah, and happy Thanksgiving, too.
Tacoma; the city of lost dreams.
When are they ever going to fix the 11th street bridge’s sidewalk?
Hey, I went out for donuts, so lay off!
Sorry I couldn’t come back afterward … for some reason I was curiously lethargic.
I loves me some good Zune porn. What a great way to wake up in the morning!
Shufflepuck Café, the second best game ever! Brilliant!
drink Guinness responsibly
Guinness and Zune porn. Brilliant!
No Dark Castle or Crystal Quest??
At least CQ had the sound effects to go along with Rip’s comment.
One of the great mysteries of life is….
Why don’t they update those old games and keep selling them? They’re still good games. I LOVED CQ. It would kick major ass on OS X. All my PC acquaintances would be jealous of something besides that I haven’t experienced a crash in five years. Sub Battle Simulator, Strategic Conquest —- BRING THEM BACK!!!!
While you’re at it, did anyone see where I put my glasses?
Hey, you ought to import a Cornish Beer called Doom Bar or a London (just) called Young’s Winter Warmer. You’d still be recovering in Thanksgiving, 2007.
Skip, you were the worst character on Shufflepuck Cafe. Seriously, I could close my eyes and still kick your ass.
That pig thing, though… gave me nightmares.
STRATEGIC CONQUEST!
I had a copy of that running on 9.2.2.
At least the pig thing played fair and square.
ARrr DoomBar is a very good beer. However, something to knock you a bit further sideways would be HopBack Entire Stout…
mmm
Yup. But SC doesn’t run worth a Zune full of Nsync in Classic.
Well…
as I have to ‘carry on’, I have these donuts made of turkey.
Brown.
And…they kind of…smell.
Don’t play any music.
Tried to reboot, but couldn’t, as the donut doesn’t have any button in the middle of the clicking wheel (My oh my ! How this sentence sounds !)
I’m having one of these big questioning moment, when you feel the world is upside down : Brown, smelling, no clicking wheel, no reboot, no music : where are the girls I’ve been talked about ?
ALL THESE WORLDS ARE YOURS EXCEPT TACOMA. ATTEMPT NO LANDINGS THERE.
30 !!!!!!
Moltz has abandoned the Mac and set up two other sites, Crazy PlayStation lll Rumors and Crazy Wii Rumors, both unpronounceable.
NOOOOO. Also found Crazy Ubuntu Rumors.
Ah, the City of Density. I knew ye well.
Interesting, as “Zune” is children’s slang for penis in parts of French-Canadian Quebec!
The PS3 runs Yellow Dog Linux, the Linux for Macs too! Conspiracy? Remember he did admit to switching to YDL a while back, after that whole Ubuntu CURs fiasco!
Tacoma may smell bad, but it has the same number of syllables, and is said in the same rhythm and meter as Ubuntu. You just can’t get that from your standard, ordinary, garden variety, run-of-the-mill, japanese made mid-size pick-up truck. Not in metal flake blue, anyway.
Yeee-Haw.
I’ve achieved modest momentary non-obscurity.
I’d like to thank all the littler people. Give the limo driver an extra quarter.
I’ll be in my trailer (the double-wide nearest the Inn).
Sir Ragged, would you like me to clean your Zune for you?
If Rip is indeed Del, then he most certainly is a she, we gave her the test back in the old Mega-Post days and she completely flunked all the questions on saddle bag adjustment. No way she’s a guy.
Way to go Rip
Streetrabbit I think you may be right, that erotic passage is far too literary to be inspired by porn a guy would read.
Why do the google ads offer to inform me ‘how to cultivate a meaningful relationship with the lord’ or how to register ‘my company with US FDA to comply with the Bioterrorism Act’?
How do you enter the Zune
its sultry brown skin
squirting its contents into my Vista
Like an All-Pro quarterback
I am in the Zune
with visions of green meadows
and nubile girls playing roly-poly
while my system reboots
As my inner DJ does a wicked scratch
I have to ask, “Am I really welcome
at this social?” Just then my dreams
are interrupted
by a naked fat sweaty balding man
squirting his songs at me
NO NO YOU ARE NOT AS HIP
as you think you are
And now I am covered in a gooey Ubuntu mess.
Across the way the Moltz cried out, “Shufflepuck!”
as he finished his Pale Ale.
So if Ripped and John are me than who am I?
Also I’d like to state for the record, I am excellent at adjusting my saddlebags. The ponies always say that their packs are very evenly loaded and never chafe.
I do have a confession though. It could explain why Ripped and John are now me. I can’t stand to be me any longer because this weekend, I touched a Zune. There I feel better now that I’ve confessed. Having some hands on experience I think the worst part is not the size, screen contrast, color, weight, licensing, etc. Instead the worst part of it is they made the wheel look so close to an iPod I kept trying to use it as a scroll wheel. Instead it is a lame clicky thing. The other people who tried it had the same problem. Who would have though M$ downfall is the scroll wheel.
HUCK!!!!! Long time no see!!! The Giga-Post misses you.
I too would like to see some old games back.
I know, they could bring back MARATHON!!!! They’ll update the graphics a little, and you could be Master Chief and go fight the… What? HUH? WHAT DO YOU MEAN THEY CALLED IT HALO?!?!?! IT’S AN XBOX TITLE?!?!?!
Um, nevermind.
“Aleph One is an open-source descendant of Bungie’s _Marathon 2_ first-person 3D shooting game. A1 plays Marathon 2, Infinity, and 3rd-party content on a wide array of platforms, with (optional) OpenGL rendering, Internet play, Lua scripting, and more.”
That’s what I always thought. Size doesn’t matter — but if it looks like a scroll wheel, it had better damn sure be a scroll wheel.
The reverse, though, doesn’t necessarily hold, vide sexbot nipples.
Just exactly what good is a sexbot if you can only afford one?
All I can afford is one sexbot nipple.
Half century!!! the trifecta is complete.
Rip could you elaborate?
Nxxx at least you can spice up your iPod.