06 Dec 06Religious Group Complains About iTunes Buttons.

A group of concerned members religious sects – Concerned Members of Religious Sects of America – announced today that it has lodged a formal complaint with Apple over some of the buttons in iTunes, claiming they are lewd and unsuitable for software that might be used by children or those easily susceptible to cases of the vapors.

The group specifically listed Shuffle and Repeat, which it said “clearly depict acts of intercourse.”

“Look at that!” said pastor Rob Robbins of the Church of the Unironic Word in Corpus Christi, Texas, pointing at the Shuffle button. “It’s filthy! Is that a penis? What is that? Two penises intertwined? I’m not sure, but there’s definitely a penis in there somewhere.

“The other one is obviously two people in a 69,” Robbins said of the Repeat button. “Anybody can see that.

“And then there’s that eye icon way over there on the right… watching the whole thing… It’s disgusting.”

Apple Senior Vice President of Worldwide Marketing Phil Schiller denied that the icons on the buttons were anything but emblematic of their functions within iTunes and the iPod.

“I think you’d have to really be looking for a couple of penises to see that in the Shuffle button,” Schiller said, squinting at the screen of his MacBook Pro.

“I’ve been looking for about a half an hour and all I see are two arrows.

“Wait… wait!

“Oop. Nope. Just arrows.”

Schiller said that Apple has no plans to change the buttons in iTunes, but did admit that the icon for iDVD sometimes reminds him of a breast.

47 Responses to “Religious Group Complains About iTunes Buttons.”

  1. ME says:

    What the hell? First?

  2. pizzaboy says:

    First.

  3. MNAH says:

    MNAH!!!!!

  4. pizzaboy says:

    What the hell too! Now I’m 2 when I thought I was 1. Now this is 4. I’m confused.

  5. John Moltz says:

    Ah, but is it not always such with women, eh?

    Sorry, I was channeling Omar Sharif for a second there.

  6. Don of Doom says:

    Is it just me or does the “Show or hide item artwork” button look like that cute little triangle that some women shape their pubic hair into?

  7. John Moltz says:

    Hey, you’re right! And I should know. I watch a LOT of porn.

  8. OMGHAX says:

    Oh my! How obscene!

  9. Jasonbot says:

    9, CARS is getting dirtier every time I come her. Especially that Moltz guy!?

  10. vitamin fortified says:

    Some how Rip Ragged is drooling over the material this post will provide.

    And I looked at those icons for a long time, and I all I saw was dead people squirting

  11. Don of Doom says:

    And if you actually hide the artwork, the girl turns upside down – brilliant Apple – Brilliant!! Wish that happened in real life. Actually, I just wish I could meet a girl in real life. As in a real girl. Ok, a sexbot will do very nicely I suppose. Can you get them with the little triangle bit?

  12. Huh? says:

    I see.. no..
    Wait… noooo…
    Um.
    I see…. uh…

    It looks like… mmm…

    I don’t see it.
    Maybe I should start speculating

  13. Nxxx says:

    Had to change my glasses three times, but he’s right you know.

  14. Don of Doom says:

    No Huh?, you have to be able to see it first as it helps with your speculation. It used to take me forever to speculate, now, with the help of iTunes, I can speculate in a matter of minutes. Just not sure if it’s those damn icons or the Jennifer friggin Connelly videos.

  15. Don of Doom says:

    Now, if you want something really offensive, I suggest going here:

    http://www.zuneboards.com/portal.php

    I do however strongly recommend not eating first! Also, this definitely will help with the premature speculation problem.

  16. Huh? says:

    Well, I found my problem. Wrong app.

    Final Cut Pro IS porn!!!!!

    WOW!!!!!

  17. Ace Deuce says:

    Just so you know, the arrows are actually Tails of Satan. And the triangle thingy is called the Delta of Venus.

    The first button is the one I have trouble with… Victorinox?

  18. 1% man says:

    The Reload button in safari looks like a self-servicing willy.

    Uh, if such things existed.

    Umm. I knew someone once with one.
    err.
    In High School.

    And also, have you noticed, the stop/cancel button in safari is an X?
    Well, that’s halfway to soft porn isn’t it?

    filth.

  19. The Highly Esteemed YoYo says:

    The other day it was all give-aways with the Apple Store starting their MacBook and 5 iPods a day give-away and then CARS started their some-crap-a-day-give-away. And today I just finished watching a not very funny My Hero in which the doctor was dating a religious programming presenter and then a very funny Coupling in which Jane was Dating a religious programming presenter and then I check up on CARS to find a religious themed post. Spooky.

  20. hp says:

    yes, the episode with Jane in the Bible group is priceless. “God? Isn’t he the one with the x-ray-vision?”

  21. Bob the wrecker says:

    Bob finds the bouncing items in the dock very stimulating. Not quite enough to speculate, though.

  22. J0n says:

    On different, but serious topic, the new issue of Macworld came in yesterday’s mail.

    As has been my wont, I turned to the back page to read John Moltz’s “What’s Hot” submission, and IT WASN’T THERE!!!!

    John, what were they thinking?!

  23. UhhhDude says:

    Sorry, I can’t find anything on the Windows interface that’s remotely pornographic.

    In fact, it’s practically like a new version of birth control.

  24. Ahnyer Keester says:

    As an active member of C.O.V.E. (Creatures Opposed to Virtually Everything) I must protest! Clearly those buttons contain a message. When read left to right the images are a cross, a shuffle, recycle and then a downward pointing arrow. The message is “If you start as a Christian you’re mixed up. You get reincarnated and then go to hell.”

    When read right to left the message is “Get down with your bad self! Roll over and get the covers all twisted up, then seek first aid.”

    Its not always about sex, John.

  25. John Moltz says:

    Yes, “What’s Hot” has been put out of its misery. I am still associated with the magazine, however. I lick every copy before its sent out. See if you can find where I licked yours!

  26. Joe #2 says:

    THAT’S WHAT THAT WAS!!!
    I thought the cat peed on mine.

  27. Del says:

    It’s about time we had a Schiller Update! I was going through Withdrawal!

    Crap, let me send that through the Bablefish translator into Canadian so Phil can understand. I’ve heard his American is a little weak.

    It’s aboot time we had a Schller Update, eh! *chugs beer* I was going through Withdrawl!

  28. Saikou Yuden says:

    This is completely off-topic, but now that it’s occurred to me, I can’t get it out of my head:

    Why no “zune-phone” rumors?

    Oh, and let me just say “penis!” Okay, we’re back on-topic.

  29. Picker of Nits says:

    There’s no better sects than religious sects.

    No one else mentioned it so I thought I would.

  30. scared monster says:

    Isn’t the third buttons of the “presentation” representing a sexBot from downside ? And “Eject” an erection under the sheets ?

    Oh help me !
    I need a twelve step redemption course.
    Or a beer.

    Let’s make it for a beer.

  31. Too all-beef patty says:

    Little twisted arrows, yeah.

    There goes $4000 worth of therapy down the drain. Thanks CARS. Now I’ll have to quit using iTunes as well. At least until they let me out.

  32. Anonymous says:

    To The Highly Esteemed YoYo:
    Thank you for reminding me of my Jane/Susan dream. Now I’ll get nothing else done all day. Well, except for all that speculating aboutttttttttttttt, oops… crap.

    To John Moltz:
    I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again and wipe off my nose… Your four rumors per month were about the only good thing left in Macworld. And now MacAddict is becoming Mac|Life… Hey, that reminds me that I need to speculate about that dream about Jane/Susan/”Shadayim”… oh no, not again.

  33. Anomynous says:

    What’s all this talk about religious sex?

  34. DocWolfram says:

    And I get to watch a 10-story crane erecting a parking garage. Talk about speculation.

    Oh; and 33, which is three times eleven.

  35. DimBulb says:

    But if you click on the buttons, nothing happens!

  36. Del says:

    Moltz,

    Have Masako do something cool with the buttons. The repeat could cause the browser to reload. The + could make the browser window maximize, and the triangle could minimize the window to the dock.

    The shuffle is a little more difficult. Maybe something that throws you into a random CARS story?

    Masako should be able to whip that up in minutes.

  37. Steve G. says:

    As a left-handed person, I must protest!
    Only one of the four arrows points to the left. Why not two? Or all four?

    Will the iPhone have similarly prejudiced handedness?
    What about the Lesbian Ninja Sexbots? Will they be left-handed? I’m hoping for ambidextrous.

  38. Streetrabbit says:

    Maybe it’s the time of year but I see the “show/hide artwork” as an envelope.

    Perhaps once Christmas has past I’ll see the fanny.

    I’m kind of hoping not though.

  39. Rip Ragged says:

    Sex. Religiously. I always thought the whole secular humanist movement was about removing references to religious sex from the pubic forum.

    Oh, wait. public forum.

    I also thought all those crooked arrows were derogatory towards Native Americans.

    Can I have my Ovaltine now?

  40. Oliver says:

    Haha… “members.”

  41. Rip Ragged says:

    I can hardly wait for my first | issue of Mac|Life.

    I”m so | excited I can barely contain it.

    “OOOhhhhhhhh!” She shrieked, then moaned, “shuffleshuffleshuffleshuffleshuffleSHUFFLEREPEAT!!!!!

  42. vitamin fortified says:

    Rip Ragged,

    After reading that I speculated all over the place and had to hit the eject button

  43. John Otway says:

    COR Baby that’s really free!

  44. ilsix says:

    First? … oh, damn.

  45. Ventzi says:

    Just a small question, Moltz: Do you also lick the digital magazines?

  46. […] In another scandalous article at CARS, the Crazy Apple Rumors crack reporting team once again gets some exclusive fake quotes from Phil: “I think you’d have to really be looking for a couple of penises to see that in the Shuffle button,” Schiller said, squinting at the screen of his MacBook Pro. “I’ve been looking for about a half an hour and all I see are two arrows. […]

  47. Cap'n Groucho says:

    I’ll not look at iDVD the same way again! Though I might look at it more frequently from now on… 😉

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