02 Jan 07Apple Sued For "Mo-no-po-ly"

Apple’s recent filing with the SEC revealed that company has been sued for something called “mo-no-po-ly.”

Apple fans were at a loss to fathom what this heretofore unheard of transgression could entail.

“Does it have something to do with iPod battery failures?” asked Mac user Chris Shea. “I know a lot of people have gotten really pissy about the iPod batteries.

“Mo-no-po-ly,” Shea said rolling the word around in his mouth. “Mo-no-po-ly. Mo. No. Po. Ly.

“Nope. Doesn’t ring a bell.”

Shea declined to be interviewed further as he was late for a deposition in a court case. While he considers himself a Mac user first, Shea is also an antitrust lawyer.

Many Apple web sites launched a counter-offensive against the claim while not fully understanding its basis.

“This is a specious argument that has no merit,” wrote Daring Fireball’s John Gruber.

“Its specious nature will soon be revealed for its speciosity.”

Gruber would not admit to having received a Random House Word-A-Day calendar as a holiday gift, despite the fact that the January 2nd entry is “specious.”

Some have suggested that this “mo-no-po-ly” may somehow be related to the monopoly power exercised by Microsoft through its illegal and destructive stranglehold on the operating system market for sixteen years.

But all members of the Apple community agreed that that was just stupid.

No Responses to “Apple Sued For "Mo-no-po-ly"”

  1. comacnut says:

    Yahtzee!

  2. The Doctor says:

    What is this mo-no-po-ly that I hear so much of this century?

    Fantastic!

  3. Carbonfish says:

    Three? Four?? I don’t care, top five again!

  4. g0rdo says:

    4!

    Ha-ha!

  5. g0rdo says:

    I’m a f##kin beast!!!!!!!!!!

  6. Huh? says:

    Hey, it’s all just a game anyway.

  7. Carbonfish says:

    Will this in any way affect the people that I can call with my iPhone? I mean, will I have to use Apple’s iPhoneBook or can I just call anybody I want? I’m a little worried now… Perhaps I should wait ’til the guys in legal get this figured out. What do you think?

  8. Magnanimous Wang says:

    Geez, further evidence to prove that John Moltz is John Gruber.

  9. Nxxx says:

    “Why do I always land on go to jail?” said Saint Steve.

  10. nameless norman says:

    nameless norman notes the litigant is one Melanie Tucker.

    http://www.hackwriters.com/mistake.htm

  11. Ventzi says:

    Who is buying music anyway?
    I find it a bit stupid to buy DRMed music, if you want to buy it that is.
    And I find it doble stupid to complain afterwards.

    And no, mo-no-po-ly doesn’t ring the bell with me either.

    meow

  12. NWJR says:

    Microsoft has a monopoly on crap, I think. John Gruber has a monopoly on daringfireball “dot com” domains. I don’t see what any of this has to do with the upcoming iPony phone.

  13. Too all-beef patty says:

    The underlying legal issue is not mo-no-po-ly (though you gotta love the hyphens, the more the better), but rather “tying”, that is obligating customers to purchase a second item from you because they decided to purchase a first. This is arguably illegal in franchise arrangements, where the franchisee is obligated to continually buy products from the franchisor. That being said, there is a long history of savvy businesses recognizing that a dependent market can be developed, even if in some sense, trade is limited because the secondary product will only work with the initial product. And there is also a long legal tradition of making a dollar arguing about it.

    But getting back to the real question: Has anyone else noticed that crayons don’t taste like they used to? And why don’t we see more men’s hats with little feathers on the side?

  14. Rip Ragged says:

    People, people, people. We’re missing the real culprit here. One company gets free advertising, and their trademark splashed across newspapers and websites everywhere every time any company is accused of unfair and abusive business practices. I’m talking about Parker Brothers. It’s high time somebody ended their stranglehold over the word used by envious crybabies and their trial lawyers to describe business practices that don’t profit them directly.

    I move that henceforward we use the word “Parcheesi,” or possibly “backgammon,” which doesn’t even need to be capitalized unless you start a sentence with it, or if that’s what you’ve decided to name your child, which would be alright I guess when you see some of the names people have these days. I mean, at least it’s a word.

    What do you mean you don’t have ketchup? Who eats egg rolls without ketchup?

  15. Too all-beef patty says:

    My rottweiler is named “Backgammon” but I spell it with a hyphen.

  16. Squished Squirrel says:

    Q: I’d like to complain that the sentence fragment “…further has he was late…” forced me to break stride reading the article, and totally ruined it for me. I’m suing for damages, a Simpsons Monopoly game… and a cookie.

    A: I’ sorry sir, this is abuse.

  17. Aaron says:

    Do not pass Go, do not collect 200 million stock options…

  18. UhhhDude says:

    Maybe they meant to say “Mono Pony.”

    OMG OMG OMG OMG Ponies!!!!!!!!!!!

    Who cares if they’re in one color!

  19. Ace Deuce says:

    This year, Free Parking was empty when Jobs landed on it. Chance or Community Chest might make it right.

    Have some hyphens:

    -m-o-n-o-p-o-l-y-

  20. Chris says:

    I think the term “stereo-poly” would be more apt.

    But it’s still a dumb suit.

  21. OMGHAX says:

    What was that? The roly poly spider?

  22. SandFleaz says:

    I’ll pitch in $100.00 to help the cause …give me just a minute to find that mo-no-po-ly mo-ney!

  23. Del says:

    I was just laughing at all those suckers who went into the future to buy an iPhone. Ha how do you like your Linksys POS now!!! I’m so glad that I used my one free trip to the future coupon to get the extra special, polymorphic, anthropomorphic, & metamorphic sexbot rev 9.4.7 c with the extra costumes and wild west package.

  24. Too all-beef patty says:

    Ace:

    Sorry, but what you’ve got are not hyphens, but dashes. En dashes, I believe, as opposed to em dashes, which are longer.

    If you’re going to hyphenate, hyphenate responsibly.

  25. Chris says:

    I had to look up the difference among the em dash, the en dash, and the hyphen (not to mention the “hanging hyphen”):

    http://www.getitwriteonline.com/archive/091502.htm

    Makes my colon hurt.

  26. Ace Deuce says:

    Too all-beef patty:

    Nice try, but I’ve been a typographer for over thirty years, and those are hyphens, pure and simple. Perhaps your off-brand web browser renders them as dashes, but I can’t be held responsible.

    Here, have some hyphens and en-dashes: – – – – – – – , – – – – – – – .

    And pipes and slashes: ||||||||| //////////// \\\\\\\\\\\\\.

  27. Chris says:

    Well, we certainly have some dashing commenters here.

  28. Too all-beef patty says:

    Okay mr. i’ve-got-credentials-that-no-one-can-verify-so-ha-ha:

    I’ve been doing nothing of note for over thirty years, and doing very well at it, thank you.
    And for your information, I don’t use a browser, though my dog does. I sleep fine without one.

    And Chris, if your colon hurts; don’t make too much of it. Think of poor Rip with his colostomy bag and, yes (you knew it was coming, didn’t you?) a semi-colon.

  29. Anomynous says:

    Hey, what ever happened to the “Month of Security Dicks” thing?

  30. John Moltz says:

    Go back and read the last sentence of that entry.

    I think the point was made. Besides, who wants to go through *that*?

  31. comacnut says:

    “Fa de ha ha ha road something? he da dee dee da.” I can’t wait until my iPod can tell me what song that is. Its been stuck in my head for months. If for some reason my iPod never develops that ability, I will have to bring severe pain to the source of the rumor. (better watch your back for a pony stampede).

  32. We have a new product name, and it’s……

    …worth more than my job to tell you what it is. You’re going to have to wait until MMS 2005 to find out,…

  33. ex2bot says:

    I have a kitty!

    Bot

  34. Rip Ragged says:

    Wow. The shorthand gets easier and easier around here. Now instead of verbosely describing my medical problems I can just say that my |; hurts.

    Now where did I put those tongs?

  35. The Anti-Zune says:

    What’s a law suit? Is it like a birthday suit? Can you wear a law suit on your birthday?

  36. Doom Pa De Dum says:

    The tongs are … gross. Nobody should touch those tongs ever again.

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