The technology world was rocked yesterday as news leaked that Microsoft is planning a Zune phone.
Today, as details of the Zune phone began to leak on the Internet, analysts quickly came to the conclusion that the Zune phone would suck as badly as the Zune itself.
According to sources, in another moment of Microsoft marketing genius, the Zune phone will be called the “Zellular Phone Call”.
“As ‘tune’ is to ‘Zune’,” explained blogger Robert Scoble, “‘Cellular phone call’ is to ‘Zellular Phone Call’. See, it’s all about the user scenario. In this case, making a zellular phone call.
“Oops! I mean ‘cellular’. Although, it’s quite possible that everyone will start calling them ‘zellular phone calls’ once the Zellular Phone Call takes off.
“And there I mean the Zune phone.
“Uh… it’s, um… well… uh…”
Scoble also said that if you add a “z” to the front of anything, it automatically becomes cool, edgy and hip, and it totally doesn’t suck.
People who are actually cool, edgy and hip, however, say that Scoble is wrong.
“No, that totally sucks,” said 43Folders.com‘s Merlin Mann. “And it also just doesn’t make any sense.”
Beyond just the name, however, sources indicate that the Zellular Phone Call will have certain limitations inherited from the Zune platform.
For example, all calls will be wrapped in Microsoft’s DRM and the end-user license agreement will state that the contents of each call will be the property of Microsoft in perpetuity. Also, the Zellular Phone Call will only allow you to call someone three times. After that, every time you try to call that person you will hear a recording of a representative of the Recording Industry Association of America calling you a thief and yelling obscenities and threats at you.
Despite these serious drawbacks, Microsoft apologists continued to insist that the Zellular Phone Call was an “iPhone killer”.
“The Zellular Phone Call is an iPhone killer,” said Rob Enderle of the Enderle Group.
This comment was followed by a long pause as reporters waited for some sort of support for this contention.
“Uh, I got nothing after that. Usually that’s enough to get me quoted.”
Apple declined to comment for this story.
“Hey, it worked again!” exclaimed Enderle.