01 Mar 07New iMacs Coming.

Sources indicate that at a special event on March 20th Apple will announce new iMacs that will rock the hardware business as only an Apple product can.

Crazy Apple Rumors Site has confirmed that the new iMacs will come in an exciting new form factor. In 2003 Apple introduced iMacs with a circular base. In 2004 it introduced iMacs with an all-in-one rectangular form factor.

“Based on the latest trends in design,” a highly-placed source said, “The 2007 iMac will be in the shape of a rhombus.”

Marketed under the catch-phrase “ParalleloWHAM!”, the new iMacs will feature Samsung’s brand new 17, 20 and 24-inch non-perpendicular LCDs

“We haven’t the slightest idea why Samsung decided to make monitors with non-perpendicular corners,” a source who was totally not Greg Joswiak said. “But when [Apple CEO] Steve [Jobs] saw them, he flipped. He said ‘We’ll take as many as you can make!’

“And I’m looking at Jony [Ive] like, hey, Elton, help me out here! But Jony’s such a butt-kisser he’s like, ‘Oh, Steve, I couldn’t agree more! Non-perpendicular trapezoids are where design is going to be in two years. You’re way ahead of the curve again! Rectangular screens are so 2006.'”

The new iMacs have already been delayed as Apple has had difficulty in finding vendors of rhombus-shaped corrugated boxes to ship the units in.

Apple declined to comment officially for this story and the source who was not Joswiak declined to pick up the tab for lunch at the sushi place.

43 Responses to “New iMacs Coming.”

  1. lurg says:

    Woohoo !

    My first first !!

    If i get hit by a bus walking out of here, i’ll die a happy, complete man-thing

  2. lurg says:

    And i actually read the story

    The WHAM starts now (TM)

  3. John Moltz says:

    Man-thing. I think I had an old Marvel comic where he fought the Swamp Thing.

  4. lurg says:

    Hmmm

    I think i may have accidently doubled clicked on that beta of the new Parallels and entered

    one of those virtual world thingies…

    and i’m all alone

    so alone

    so very alone

  5. Aaron Priven says:

    Eighteenth!

    It occurs to me that if I were Steve Jobs, I would call up Moltz and tell him everything I was actually going to do, because then who would Moltz tell? Nobody would believe him.

  6. redeyebase says:

    i’m so late to this party.

  7. lurg says:

    If Cory Doctorow thinks Ubuntu has sharp edges, wait til he touches one of these new

    trapezoidal suckers

  8. lurg says:

    Moltz would tell FakeSteve

  9. Trevor says:

    I’d buy one.

    10th?

  10. Carl says:

    The 11 sided post.

  11. disgruntled cynic says:

    Elventy. Magical.

  12. Doom Pa De Dum says:

    Um … Molitz … I visited the Silver Cloud Inn in Tacoma, and the “luxurious” Crazy Apple Rumors Suite is really a broom closet that smells of Clorox. What gives?

  13. Nxxx says:

    And there was I thinking that a trombone player in a rhumba band was a rhombus.

    Ignorance is bliss.

  14. Huh? says:

    No, a rhombus is what happens when you don’t look at the signs on public transportation.

    What?

    Wrong what?

    oh…

    Sorry.

  15. nameless norman says:

    nameless norman say oh great, now everything’s going to be in italics…

    setting up for

  16. Ace Deuce says:

    No.

    Parallelogram yes, but rhombus no. A square is a type of rhombus, which is parallelogram with equal sides. What we are shown is a parallelogram with two different edge lengths, which, while not a rhombus, is still incredibly futuristic, so forward-looking it appears to be leaning toward times to come.

    Steve’s cube was a hexahedral prism with right angles all around, perhaps too Bauhaus for the new millennium. A designer presenting Steve with a cubic design nowadays would be in the doghouse, or maybe Bauwauhaus.

    Next season’s look will be amorphous, even diaphanous, made possible by Apple’s Utility Fog.

    Or so Nostradamus told me.

  17. pauldwaite says:

    Apple announced the *half-spherical* iMac in January *2002*.

    Man. Whatever happened to the rigourous fact-checking around he- wait, right.

  18. Streetrabbit says:

    So long as you can still toast crumpets in the superdrive, who gives a fuck monkey’s dick what shape they are.

  19. Streetrabbit says:

    So long as you can still toast crumpets in the superdrive, who gives a fuck giraffe’s johnson what shape they are.

  20. vitamin fortified says:

    And this fall, in collaboration with Parallels beta, iMacs will move beyond shapes in 3-D and be designed for n-dimensions. So not only will we have bubble universes but multidimensional hardware to run it on. That is so boss. I think I will take a white spherizoidbus shaped iMac. Or I will take a bagel with strawberry cream cheese and a cup of green tea.

    I will take the bus to Britney Spears Rinse n’ Rehab for 2 tokens and a pair of underwear, Alex

  21. Past Tense says:

    Hey, Molz, Molitz, Molzman, Molzmeister, whatever.

    not:

    “And I’m looking at Jony [Ive] like, hey, Elton, help me out here! …’”

    but:

    “And I’m looking at Jony [Ive] like, hey, Ringo, help me out here! …’”

    Geddit?

  22. Jim says:

    Man-Thing = Marvel

    Swamp Thing = DC

    Never the twain shall meet

  23. Woz says:

    The Samsung guy was talking about how he got on the wrong bus to get to Apple’s headquarters, and jobs though; he said rhumbus. Of course, Jobs is “always right” (not) so everyone just played along.

    Come on Moltz, let us have the REAL story!

    I’ll be playing polo on Jenny (the name I gave my Segwey) at the Bubba Gump Segwey Polo tournament in Bogaloosa Louisiana.

  24. NWJR says:

    That thing’s got more distortion than a Rob Enderle article.

  25. I like playing Polo on Jenny too.

  26. Too all-beef patty says:

    Some people will by anything that ends in with “us”, but I prefer things that start and end with “me”; why share?

    Okay, so I’m narcissistic, but as long as we’re talking about me, I’m happy.

  27. Colonel Panic says:

    >Man-Thing = Marvel

    >Swamp Thing = DC

    >Never the twain shall meet

    Except in the big super-sized crossover comic “Man-Thing vs Swamp Thing!”

  28. kingthedestroyer says:

    A machine with no right angles, seems like it would be very distracting, cause a loss of productivity.(maybe a touch of eye strain) But, since most of the world tells us mac users that we don’t do anything important on these machines, it shall make no difference.

    I’ll take quadrilaterals for 360º in angles Alex

  29. kingthedestroyer says:

    A machine with no right angles. It would seem distracting, maybe cause a loss of productivity. (Maybe a touch of eye strain too) But, since most of the world tells us mac users that we never do anything important on these machines, it shall make no difference.

    I’ll take quadrilaterals for 360º in angles, Alex

  30. OMGHAX says:

    I would like a tetrahedral iMac with pentagonal base. Actually I wouldn’t.

  31. Walking Contradiction says:

    Finally, I’ll be able to buy a machine that’s as warped as I am. Well, almost.

  32. Anomynous says:

    I hope the one in the picture is just an early prototype, ’cause if the final version has the base attached as shown in the picture it’s probably gonna tip over all the damn time.

  33. shawk says:

    I would like a Mac made of very soft and malleable plastic.

    A plastic that melts at room temperature.

    The iPuddle; fits at the bottom of where ever you are.

    Like beer.

    So.

    How do you use it. You might ask.

    Freeze it first.

  34. Biff Whammy says:

    When can we expect a rhombicuboctohedral iPod? That’s what I’m waiting for. It would look like that project with the Doppler shift problem I was talking about.

    Dammit — I did it again. Said too frickin’ much.

    LOOK! IT’S AN OBVIOUS DISTRACTION!

    [nonchalantly] So, if lurg did get hit by a bus, would it put him at the correct viewing angle?

  35. esavage says:

    Ok this is just half the truth. A friends brothers, sister, friend told me that these new IMacs will come in a purple with pink polka dots, in what people who have seen have called “the color blind gone mad”. Version that reminds my friend on the Flower Power IMac, then she just started laughing and pointing at me. This made me mad because I Still own a Flower IMac. I called Apple and was just past around from person who just laughed. So since no one was giving a straight answer I guessing it is true.

  36. Rip Ragged says:

    I agree with Ace Deuce that it looks like it’s leaning. If the future is to my immediate right however, I’m going to have to rearrange my desk. I have my in box to the left.

    I’m not buying until the dodecahedron iMac is released. Screw planar displays. SO two dimensional.

    Rip Ragged for President in 2012. My platform will be 100% organic freeze-dried pressed celeriac.

  37. Too all-beef patty says:

    This platform you speak of… is it a raised surface you stand on, a new Mac hardware standard, or a pair of shoes with extremely thick soles?

    Don’t forget to change your filter.

  38. Anonymous Coward says:

    You got a problem with the Flower Power iMac. Ok, I’m a coward, say what you will. I think it’s a good computer.

  39. Brent A says:

    I’ve decided to lower my standards (even further). I am the first poster TODAY. Hah!

  40. Doc Wolfram says:

    And I am the first poster TODAY! Beat you!

  41. nonlinearG says:

    I thought we were promised the next iMac was to be the Bifucated Tangenoid with Crotch Ready Bluetooth.

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