New iMacs Coming.

Sources indicate that at a special event on March 20th Apple will announce new iMacs that will rock the hardware business as only an Apple product can.

Crazy Apple Rumors Site has confirmed that the new iMacs will come in an exciting new form factor. In 2003 Apple introduced iMacs with a circular base. In 2004 it introduced iMacs with an all-in-one rectangular form factor.

“Based on the latest trends in design, a highly-placed source said, “The 2007 iMac will be in the shape of a rhombus.”

Marketed under the catch-phrase “ParalleloWHAM!”, the new iMacs will feature Samsung’s brand new 17, 20 and 24-inch non-perpendicular LCDs

“We haven’t the slightest idea why Samsung decided to make monitors with non-perpendicular corners,” a source who was totally not Greg Joswiak said. “But when [Apple CEO] Steve [Jobs] saw them, he flipped. He said ‘We’ll take as many as you can make!’

“And I’m looking at Jony [Ive] like, hey, Elton, help me out here! But Jony’s such a butt-kisser he’s like, ‘Oh, Steve, I couldn’t agree more! Non-perpendicular trapezoids are where design is going to be in two years. You’re way ahead of the curve again! Rectangular screens are so 2006.'”

The new iMacs have already been delayed as Apple has had difficulty in finding vendors of rhombus-shaped corrugated boxes to ship the units in.

Apple declined to comment officially for this story and the source who was not Joswiak declined to pick up the tab for lunch at the sushi place.

43 thoughts on “New iMacs Coming.”

  1. Woohoo !

    My first first !!

    If i get hit by a bus walking out of here, i’ll die a happy, complete man-thing

  2. Hmmm

    I think i may have accidently doubled clicked on that beta of the new Parallels and entered

    one of those virtual world thingies…

    and i’m all alone

    so alone

    so very alone

  3. Eighteenth!

    It occurs to me that if I were Steve Jobs, I would call up Moltz and tell him everything I was actually going to do, because then who would Moltz tell? Nobody would believe him.

  4. If Cory Doctorow thinks Ubuntu has sharp edges, wait til he touches one of these new

    trapezoidal suckers

  5. Um … Molitz … I visited the Silver Cloud Inn in Tacoma, and the “luxurious” Crazy Apple Rumors Suite is really a broom closet that smells of Clorox. What gives?

  6. And there was I thinking that a trombone player in a rhumba band was a rhombus.

    Ignorance is bliss.

  7. No, a rhombus is what happens when you don’t look at the signs on public transportation.


    Wrong what?



  8. nameless norman say oh great, now everything’s going to be in italics…

    setting up for

  9. No.

    Parallelogram yes, but rhombus no. A square is a type of rhombus, which is parallelogram with equal sides. What we are shown is a parallelogram with two different edge lengths, which, while not a rhombus, is still incredibly futuristic, so forward-looking it appears to be leaning toward times to come.

    Steve’s cube was a hexahedral prism with right angles all around, perhaps too Bauhaus for the new millennium. A designer presenting Steve with a cubic design nowadays would be in the doghouse, or maybe Bauwauhaus.

    Next season’s look will be amorphous, even diaphanous, made possible by Apple’s Utility Fog.

    Or so Nostradamus told me.

  10. Apple announced the *half-spherical* iMac in January *2002*.

    Man. Whatever happened to the rigourous fact-checking around he- wait, right.

  11. And this fall, in collaboration with Parallels beta, iMacs will move beyond shapes in 3-D and be designed for n-dimensions. So not only will we have bubble universes but multidimensional hardware to run it on. That is so boss. I think I will take a white spherizoidbus shaped iMac. Or I will take a bagel with strawberry cream cheese and a cup of green tea.

    I will take the bus to Britney Spears Rinse n’ Rehab for 2 tokens and a pair of underwear, Alex

  12. Hey, Molz, Molitz, Molzman, Molzmeister, whatever.


    “And I’m looking at Jony [Ive] like, hey, Elton, help me out here! …’”


    “And I’m looking at Jony [Ive] like, hey, Ringo, help me out here! …’”


  13. The Samsung guy was talking about how he got on the wrong bus to get to Apple’s headquarters, and jobs though; he said rhumbus. Of course, Jobs is “always right” (not) so everyone just played along.

    Come on Moltz, let us have the REAL story!

    I’ll be playing polo on Jenny (the name I gave my Segwey) at the Bubba Gump Segwey Polo tournament in Bogaloosa Louisiana.

  14. Some people will by anything that ends in with “us”, but I prefer things that start and end with “me”; why share?

    Okay, so I’m narcissistic, but as long as we’re talking about me, I’m happy.

  15. >Man-Thing = Marvel

    >Swamp Thing = DC

    >Never the twain shall meet

    Except in the big super-sized crossover comic “Man-Thing vs Swamp Thing!”

  16. A machine with no right angles, seems like it would be very distracting, cause a loss of productivity.(maybe a touch of eye strain) But, since most of the world tells us mac users that we don’t do anything important on these machines, it shall make no difference.

    I’ll take quadrilaterals for 360º in angles Alex

  17. A machine with no right angles. It would seem distracting, maybe cause a loss of productivity. (Maybe a touch of eye strain too) But, since most of the world tells us mac users that we never do anything important on these machines, it shall make no difference.

    I’ll take quadrilaterals for 360º in angles, Alex

  18. Finally, I’ll be able to buy a machine that’s as warped as I am. Well, almost.

  19. I hope the one in the picture is just an early prototype, ’cause if the final version has the base attached as shown in the picture it’s probably gonna tip over all the damn time.

  20. I would like a Mac made of very soft and malleable plastic.

    A plastic that melts at room temperature.

    The iPuddle; fits at the bottom of where ever you are.

    Like beer.


    How do you use it. You might ask.

    Freeze it first.

  21. When can we expect a rhombicuboctohedral iPod? That’s what I’m waiting for. It would look like that project with the Doppler shift problem I was talking about.

    Dammit — I did it again. Said too frickin’ much.


    [nonchalantly] So, if lurg did get hit by a bus, would it put him at the correct viewing angle?

  22. Ok this is just half the truth. A friends brothers, sister, friend told me that these new IMacs will come in a purple with pink polka dots, in what people who have seen have called “the color blind gone mad”. Version that reminds my friend on the Flower Power IMac, then she just started laughing and pointing at me. This made me mad because I Still own a Flower IMac. I called Apple and was just past around from person who just laughed. So since no one was giving a straight answer I guessing it is true.

  23. I agree with Ace Deuce that it looks like it’s leaning. If the future is to my immediate right however, I’m going to have to rearrange my desk. I have my in box to the left.

    I’m not buying until the dodecahedron iMac is released. Screw planar displays. SO two dimensional.

    Rip Ragged for President in 2012. My platform will be 100% organic freeze-dried pressed celeriac.

  24. This platform you speak of… is it a raised surface you stand on, a new Mac hardware standard, or a pair of shoes with extremely thick soles?

    Don’t forget to change your filter.

  25. You got a problem with the Flower Power iMac. Ok, I’m a coward, say what you will. I think it’s a good computer.

  26. I thought we were promised the next iMac was to be the Bifucated Tangenoid with Crotch Ready Bluetooth.

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