Macs Are, Indeed, Gay.

Science has given us evidence of gay humans, gay apes, and even gay penguins. But the accusations of Microsoft fan boys that “Macs are gay” have always been considered to be nothing more than childish hyperbole.

Until now.

In what promises to be a shocking issue of the journal Nature for the Macintosh-using community (at least the part that’s not gay), zoologist Derek Park of the San Diego zoo will be the first to provide documented evidence of hot Mac on Mac action.

“I had never actually considered the possibility,” Park said “until I was able to observe some Macs in the wild.”

Park was in the Fashion Valley Apple Store and happened to catch a glimpse into the stock room when an associate left the door open.

“There they were all stacked up on top of each other like some bacchanalian Roman orgy of computer gayness. I was shocked at first. But then I thought, I’m a scientist. I should observe this behavior.

“Plus, I mean, I don’t swing that way, but it was so hot.”

Park’s research covers this observed behavior – which he calls “in-store mounting” – as well as several others such as the inherent gayness of Firewire target disk mode.

“I mean, come on. Anyone who’s seen lesbian porn knows what that’s all about.

“You know what I’m talkin’ about, am I right, fellas?


Apple declined to comment, but the Village People could be heard playing in the background.

[Photo credit Michael Hanscom.]

53 thoughts on “Macs Are, Indeed, Gay.”

  1. What have you done Moltz?

    Ever since my Mac read this thread the only sound I can get out of it is Tom Robinson’s “Sing if you’re glad to be gay.”

    I’m going to weld it to the desk and fill all orifices with epoxy filler.

  2. Well. Okay. But mine gets to be the guy. Every single time.


    And from now on in here, I just unwrap a fresh bar of Ivory. Every single time.

    I’m going back to bed now.

    The door is shut.

    And locked.

    I have a pistol.

  3. Uh-oh. I hope Mr. Moltz didn’t have anything planned for today. Wait ’til he sees what George Eww is saying now…

  4. What is a heterosexual Mac? Is a G5 having sex with G5 gay? How about a G5 and a Flower Power iMac? How about a MacBook and a Pismo? How about a Newton and a Cube? Just curious or maybe bi-courious.

  5. Man, we’re a such a bunch of 12-year-olds.

    Still, I kinda thought the same thing the first time I put a thumb drive into a G5…

    (Wait. Now even THAT sounds gay now.)

  6. I had a beige G3 Desktop and I can tell you that was totally NOT gay. It was lame, but not gay. Not a shred of queer eye about that thing. It was bear all the wa..hang on…


  7. I am just happy to see that gay or straight the Macs are practicing safe sex. The picture clearly shows they are all using protection.

  8. I’m not sure sure about the newer Macs being gay. The older ones … well, they did have rainbow logos on them. I’m just sayin’, that’s all.

  9. Gay ?

    That’s why …



    …………OOOOOOH !

  10. Surprised this topic hasn’t arisen sooner given that the Intel Macs can “switch-hit,” as it were, between Mac OS and Windows. See Kinsey, etc., regarding the nature of sexuality as a continuum, as opposed to an either/or assignment.

    Then there’s the lesbian ninja sexbot topic, and no, you can’t use that toothbrush.

  11. My Mac has been celibate for years now. I think I’ll follow the military on this one, don’t ask, don’t tell.

  12. Were Derek Park and Michael Hanscom cruising Apple stores together? Is Michael Hanscom a talking dog? Is he even in the union?

    Howard almost never gets credited. Are we to assume he took a particular photograph unless told otherwise?

  13. Considering the gender of the cables used to connect the Macs, they’re all female.

    They’re all LESBIANS!

    wooooo hooooo!!!!!


    I still like my LESBIAN Macs.

  14. It occurred to me that Macs can “interoperate” with both other Macs and PCs, so they must be “bi.”

    PCs, on the other hand, can only work with other PCs, so THEY must be gay.

  15. My iBook won’t let me erase this whole gayness thing from my memory because it says that it is not able to unmount the disk. Is that because it’s gay? I thought that it was just quirky…

    And that picture… well what can I say about that picture?

    I’m just glad that I didn’t see this post last night, I wouldn’t have been able to sleep a wink.

  16. @23

    I’ve long been an advocate for changing this site’s name to Crazy Apple Rumors For The Sex Obsessed Site.

    People tell me I’m a loser and that CARFTSOS doesn’t roll of the tongue as easily as CARS. I think they’re dysfunctional fuddy duddies.

  17. Woody Allen once observed: I’m heterosexual myself, but bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.

  18. Did anyone notice that those two Macs are fully encapsulated in cardboard.

    They’re just dry-humping. That isn’t really gay. Yet.

  19. I won’t beleive it unless the first time I boot Leopard, the startup chime is Diana Ross singing “I’m comgin out.”

  20. Leave it to some Psykopath to break the numbering. Thanks, I always prefer being post 1 but I can’t ever time it right (or even *close*).


  21. they are totaly lesbian, i mean, the plugs on them are all female, it even covers its opticle port!(if you know what i mean) did you see those huge fans in the back, they kinda look like, well…oh god, i saw my lesbian g5 naked…she only had one cpu(i think she is blond^_^lol) she doesnt like it when i plug and unplug alot, she likes it to stay in…ok, that sounded weird.

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