01 May 07Apple Totally Forgotten About Macs.

Confirming the fears of many after the company dropped the word “Computer” from its name, sources inside Apple indicate that the company has completely forgotten it makes Macs.

Taking a look at Mactactic shows that almost all of Apple’s Mac lineup has now hit the red line – meaning they’re overdue for an update. An update that insiders say is not coming any time soon unless the collective amnesia that has hit Cupertino wears off.

“‘Macs’?” asked Peter Mehring, head of Mac hardware engineering. “Hmm. Doesn’t ring a bell. But I haven’t been here all that long, so… maybe it was something Apple made before? I don’t know. I’m just thinking out loud here.”

Asked what it is, exactly, he does at Apple if its not working on Mac hardware, Mehring fell into a spell of mumbling that included the words “synergy”, “competency center” and “donut run”.

But Mehring wasn’t the only one who seemed not to have heard of these so-called “Macs”.

“‘Macs’?” asked senior vice president of the iPod division Tony Fadell. “Hmm… no.

“iPods. iPhones. QuickTime. I think that’s it. Unless I’m missing something. But I don’t think so.

“I’m very thorough.”

Some elements of the Mac community have formulated a plan to combat this amnesia, however.

“We just sneak up behind Apple and – BAM! – hit it in the back of the head with a sock full of nickels,” said Your Mac Life’s Shawn King.

“Works every time.”

King said this was planned for Thursday and all members of the Mac community who could manage to be in Cupertino at 9:00 AM were invited to participate.

32 Responses to “Apple Totally Forgotten About Macs.”

  1. The Doctor says:

    Fortunately for me, I can just ride the TARDIS to where the new Macs are old, and the iPhone has already been declared a necessity of life.

    Brilliant!

    -=The Doctor=-

  2. His Steveness says:

    2nd little pony

  3. Nxxx says:

    As Scotland is likely to vote for The Scottish National Party at this week’s Elections, all the Macs have returned home.

  4. Ventzi says:

    And I almost forgot to say I’m 4th!

    meow

  5. So Not Chris says:

    Whats this Mac thing you keep talking about? Can I get that with Fries and a Diet Coke please?

  6. Ventzi says:

    And I think John forgot that they forgot about iLife and totally forgot about iWork, even though these aren’t Macs.
    But they only run on Macs, right?

    meow

  7. J0n says:

    Aren’t Macs those cute computers that you can run Ubuntu on?

    Who makes those?

  8. thelairster says:

    the ocho!

  9. Carbonfish says:

    HMMMmmmmm. I’ve looked everywhere and my iBook doesn’t say Mac on it anywhere… It doesn’t say Apple on it either… Why haven’t I noticed this before??

    What have I been typing on all this time?

    Now I’m a-scared.

  10. Carl says:

    I remember when Jobs debuted the 11Mac. Those were the days.

  11. 尼古拉 says:

    Bah! Who needs those Intel infused things anyway?

    Uhh, we are still supposed to hate Intel, right?

  12. Don of Doom says:

    It doesn’t really matter anyway does is, as Apple is Doomed, and it was the iPhone of Doom that is one of the catalists!

    http://www.macalope.com/2007/05/01/information-weak/

  13. redeyebase says:

    being out for the evening, totally missed top 10. however, here i am… and i swear i’ll read the article in the morning.

  14. John Muir says:

    Edinburgh, Scotland, the eve of the election…

    The startup chimes, the rapturous volume blips, the orgy of SOSUMI! Make it stop!!

  15. Grammar Czech says:

    “An update that insiders say is not coming any time soon unless the collective amnesia that has hit Cupertino wears off.”

    This is an excellent example of a fragment sentence. Don’t let it happen again or I’ll wake my cousin, who is on holiday with Jennifer Effin Connelly.

  16. Joe #2 says:

    They remember their laptops, right?
    Cause you can’t be hip without laptops to do work on.

  17. Too all-beef patty says:

    Maybe you’re thinking of laptop dancing.

  18. OMGHAX says:

    Found floating in the Mediterranian with 2 bullet wounds and the number to a Swiss bank account embedded in its hip, Apple couldn’t remember who it was or what it had done. Finding itself with extraordinary fighting skills, it sets out to discover its past.

  19. Lurker says:

    That’s not right… And it can’t be good for the keyboard.

    Oh, and 18!

  20. Lurker says:

    Ok, fine. 19

  21. Zesty says:

    After splurging on the NEW Octo-core Mac Pro, I can’t afford a sock full of nickels. How about a stocking full of pennies?

    Or maybe a glove slap across the face, only stuff it full of AOL CDs first… would that work?

  22. Agent 99, are we acutally # 20?

  23. No Mac(s), we’re 22…

  24. Ace Deuce says:

    Weird…I totally forgot about CARS last night.

    Peter Mehring went on to say, “The bottom line at the end of the day is I’ll keep you posted so we can hit the ground running. Going forward we’ll touch base on our mission-critical core competencies, and we’ll all be on the same page. The win-win value proposition is to actualize our best practices, conceptualize our vision statement in a cash-neutral, cost-centered strategic alliance. If we smartsize the customer-centered and value-added risk management, we will benefit from a fully empowered resource-constrained game plan. We need to ramp up the intellectual capital, push the envelope, and think outside the box in order to achieve a paradigm shift and leverage our knowledge management, operationalize the low-hanging fruit, and nail that market segment through actionable positioning.”

  25. blank says:

    I bet an iPhone properly swung in a gym sock would do it! Hey, I finally came up with a use for the damned thing.

    Quick, to the patent office!

  26. kingthedestroyer says:

    They get rid of the clone Macs, now they have forgotten Macs themselves, all is doom, I give up, I guess it time to dust off the old abicus.

  27. Huh? says:

    Maybe using a clone Mac in a sock is the right way to go…

    A big sock.

    A REALLY big sock.

  28. scared monster, better known as Le Chef De La Cuisine, says:

    Huh…Donuts…
    Talk about a croissant, or a Sablé au Chocolat, or a Tarte au Citron Meringuée.
    But a donut…
    Huh…

  29. Sudo Nym says:

    I knew I was right to panic when Apple switched to Intel chips.

    I’ve gone through the stages of grief, and I’m in “acceptance” mode now, which involves Linux. Linux will never abandon me.

  30. Linux says:

    I think we should start seeing other people.

  31. Seven says:

    “Don’t let it happen again or I’ll wake my cousin, who is on holiday with Jennifer Effin Connelly.”

    What the hell’s he doin’ ASLEEP?!?

    7

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