iPhone Hype Problematic.

While technology watchers are eagerly anticipating Friday’s release of the iPhone, physicists and others are concerned that this week’s frenzy of non-stop iPhone mania may have disastrous implications for quantum mechanics and other fields.

According to Dr. Phillip Binette, a professor at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology’s Physics Department, iPhone “news” has so eclipsed other events that it is threatening to force them out of our plane of existence.

“There is only so much logical space in our universe,” Binette said. “Think of it like a Chinese take-out box stuffed with Kung-Pao Shrimp. The more shrimp you stuff in, some shrimp pop out the bottom.

“One succulent morsel of crustaceany goodness after the other.

“Mmm. Dammit, I’m hungry.”

According to Binette, there are already disturbing signs that large chunks of our reality are being spat from the universe like watermelon seeds.

“There are whole swaths of North and South Dakota and Nebraska that are nothing but desolate wastelands. Also, whatever happened to Lindsey Wagner? She’s just disappeared. I mean, I saw an ad for the Bionic Woman the other day and she wasn’t even in it”

A research assistant approached Binette and whispered in his ear.

“What?” he said. “Oh.

“I’m being told those states have always been like that. And Lindsey Wagner is just, uh, really old now.”

Still, the over-abundance of iPhone coverage seems to be a self-evident and there is concern in circles other than that of quantum mechanics.

Dale Houser, a system architect at the World Wide Web Consortium said “Even the web can only hold so much pabulum. We’ve seen a number of system failures as the level of people talking out of their asses about a device they haven’t even seen first-hand has increased exponentially in the last several days.”

Houser asked that anyone who can find it within themselves to just shut the hell up for four days please do so.

33 thoughts on “iPhone Hype Problematic.”

    1. I would rather get the Sprint htc Evo 4g cuz Sprint and Phone Reviewers aditemtd it was better than the iPhone 4.It also searches the Web ridiculously fast.

  1. I just looked at my NNW smart folder for iPhone. Of the 835 unread articles from today and yesterday, 100 of them are about the iPhone, and I read a lot of the iPhone stuff already. What annoys me most is other people paraphrasing Goatberg and the Poguemeister. I mean, just like to them, for god’s sakes. My furball says that he wants to rub the iPhone.

  2. The regularly scheduled grammatical and spelling corrections have been suspended for this post in response to a polite request to “shut the hell up” for four days. Normal CARS-post-nitpicking will resume after this brief hiatus.

  3. If the hell is shut up for four days, where the hell will the people that go to hell go?

    They’ll be chanting “Hell no, we won’t go!” and go nowhere.

  4. carbonfish. you have just observed what we software engineers call a race condition. Your test and set is not atomic. you’ve been iPWND.

  5. As an anthropologist, I can say with some confidence, that there is no such thing as race. Hence, no race conditions can possibly exist.

  6. it’s a tricky maneuver, the reverse iPWN. I hope carbonfish didn’t strain anything. anthropologists are notoriously unlimber.

  7. Ok on Friday someone iPhone me on +61 2 96727731 and tell me all about it. Doesn’t matter that I’ll be sleeping just phone. Ok?

    As the pabulum proliferates, Australia’s sure to become a mecca for iPhonophobes. Especially since our major telco thinks Apple’s in the cardigan business or something.

  8. Street,
    You’ve blown it.

    Following iPod iSocks, iPhone iCardies.

    You’re now on Steve’s death list.

  9. Let’s talk about nothing in particular, since we can’t risk ripping a hole in the time-space continuum. (Especially since The Entity is still in the early stages of his particle transformation thingy.)


  10. You can get more with shrimp and a gun than with shrimp alone.

    All the iPhone hype and coverage concerns me deeply on many levels. Just last night I asked my wife,”Did you fart?” The pressure is getting to all of us.

  11. I assume that Apple has already sent you an iPhone.
    You know this is the only website’s reviews I trust.
    I really need an iPhone review… I need to know whether to pack up and get in line for an iPhone… now!

    No, don’t waste time reading this. Use Time Machine from your developers version of Leopard tot travel back and never read the post… it will save you valuable time that must be spent writing an iPhone reveiw.

    Actually, go back 2 years… no 20… 200… 2000… 20,000 200,000… 2,000,000… 20,000,000… 200,000,000… 2,000,000,000… 20,000,000,000… 200,000,000,000… 2,000,000,000,000 years into the past and write the review for the iPhone then! That’ll give you plenty of time to find the very small and little known features of the iPhone.

    After that… tell your decendands (I don’t think you’ll be alive anymore,) that they need to go 2,000,000,000,000 years into the future so they can bring back the following items:

    1.) Pizza
    2.) Spaceship
    3.) Computer

    Then you can totally have an awesome futuristic geek spaceship pizza party! Don’t forget to invite me!

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