Snow Leopard, Mac Users, To Come On Friday

Apple announced today that Snow Leopard – its hotly anticipated operating system update – would be coming this Friday, August 28th.

In a related announcement just moments ago, the Mac user community announced that it too would be coming on Friday, shortly after receiving delivery of Snow Leopard.

Speaking on behalf of the community, Chicago MUG president Eric Northam said “Based on what we’ve seen of developer seeds, Snow Leopard looks to be an exciting release, full of the rich technologies that give hopeless squealing nerds like us immediate wood. The install process should take roughly an hour which is way more time than we’re used to holding out, so we expect climax to be achieved within moments of restart.

“In my case, for example, tracking currently says Snow Leopard should be delivered to my house around 10:20 AM, so I fully expect to have jizzed my pants by about 11:30.”

While Snow Leopard is not being touted as a feature-rich update, Mac users say their pent-up demand is because they “haven’t gotten any for almost two years“.

“Just because we’re used to it doesn’t mean we like it,” Northam said.

Rumors that Apple would be handing out Snow Leopard-themed boxes of Kleenex for purchasers who line up at retail stores could not be confirmed.

173 thoughts on “Snow Leopard, Mac Users, To Come On Friday”

  1. What we need it a bawdy limerick that can be laid out in a trail . . . like sausages or gold dubloons . . . to lure John from his lair.

    I’m not quite sure how that would work, however, as I may have just bashed my nose on the limits of this metaphor.

    Whereas it would clearly be more preferable to bash my ‘nose’ on the limits of Jennifer Frickin’ Connelly, of course.

    Like that utter bastard Paul Bettany. Who I used to think was great, but I now realise is clearly a selfish tosser for not sharing.

    Perhaps we could lay his bawdy intestines out in a trail to lure John?

  2. haha, awesome site. crossed thru as i was googling apple and google merge, and came across this madness. very cool. should come thru more… and yes, apple google seems like a very likely thing to happen at some point in the future. im betting on it.

    hilarious writeup. am looking forward to the upgrade (no, ahve not yet. am still a tiger)… and am very interested to see how much tolerance i would have for slow start ups after the experience. (have seen how fluidly it opens apps etc. )

    come next monday….!

  5. More germane, ‘do you think John has managed to wipe his Leopard DVD clean enough to install it’.

    Why is he still resisting the lure of the Haiku, hmmm?

    We demand more CARS.

    CARS or BLOOD! CARS or BLOOD!

    Actually…

    CARS and BLOOD! CARS and BLOOD!

    Yes, that just sounds so *right*.

  6. I love John Moltz.
    “The iPhone will have only one button”
    how could he have retired in his prime?
    Is he coming back?
    Brett Farvre of the Internet.
    I’m all yours, John.
    Call me Minnesota. Take me to the superbowl!
    We’ll monitize you somehow.

  8. Why don’t we all just post a ton of bowel-blendingly moronic mundanities on numerous message boards under John’s name until the tsunami of hate and ridicule drives him to a CARS post/statement?

    Or do you think he might just be secretly proud of them? Or even incorporate some of them into his ‘opus’?

    Hmmmm.

    Well, let’s give it a bash anyway. I’m off to Mac Daily News to do a frenziedly foaming pseudo-John post about a minor journalist who’s just expressed mild disapproval of some tiny portion of the Apple Empire. That’s sure to stand out like a sore thumb…

  10. ‘…Apple Fundamentalist and Sexbot [Destruct] Tester’?

    Actually, that’s too complimentary.

    How about…

    ‘….Apple Fundamentalist and Abject Pervert’?

  11. Whoah, I thought character assassination was supposed to be on hold until the next election season!

    Or at least until Talk Like a Pirate Day, ye scurvy maggots!

  12. It’s *always* open season on character assasinating…ing John. After all, it’s why the keyboard was invented. Imagine having to write out all those adverbs and adjectives by hand?

    We’re living in the White-Hot Future of High-Tech Moltz-Dissage.

    Embrace it. Possibly while wearing oven gloves.

    Me Olde Lubber!

    Avast!

  13. Hold hard you varlet.The Holy name of Moltz must not be criticised or debased in any form.
    Apple Fundamentalists is an apt and true description of the Mighty One, continue on your present path Brother, and your soles are at risk.

    As an afterthought, you are five days late for TLAPD but as it was also Jewish New Year, the TLAPD prefaced with correct form should have been prefaced with an “Ovez!”, or “My Life Already” and similar stylised Yiddish expressions.

  15. I abase myself in penance.

    Probably in blancmange. And a thong.

    And shalt send the video to Our Lord for his delectation.

    Or possibly just to complete his collection.

  18. Since the Mariners won more than they lost, John may be imbibing in their honor. One more excuse to slack off.

  20. Underclass?

    Actually, that was underhand.

    And the goading doesn’t seem to be working anyway.

    1. The nightly you are likley running is 4.0b8pre since the tree on Beta 7 build was closed earlier this week. Beta 7 should be out sometime in November. possibly as early as this coming week. RC1 is likley what won’t be until December.

  22. Not sure we can pull it off on our own, Nxxx, but I’m willing to give it a shot.

    How about I start posting my genome. One base pair at a time?

    Although this may possibly lead to some kind of ‘Minority Report’ pre-crime arrest.

    I’m pretty certain Ace Deuce will chip in at some point.

    At the resulting trial, if not on the post…

  23. Don’t forget that we still have the Tera-Post and the Peta-Post which have been basically ignored since Moltzy restored access to the Giga-Post. Since we recently “beat the Mega-Post” with the Giga-Post, I’m inclined to stop tormenting it. It’s not the fault of the Mega-Post that it was never resurrected and must forever remain a relic, a crystallized husk of futile aspirations.

  25. The problem is I’ve lost touch with the Tera, surely Terror, and Peta surely not encouraging preparatory sex, posts.

  26. I thought Peta was to do with animals.

    …

    Obviously I have nothing to add there.

    At all.

    M’lud.

  35. Nice!

    Sounds like a typical Saturday night in my charming hometown of Gravesend.

    If only one of the WWF letters was a ‘P’ we could do something with that damn Panda symbol they cling on to. Especially if the ‘F’ was still in there.

  36. Gravesend.
    That’s where the Native American Princess is buried.
    Also the famous Dickens escaped prisoner on the marsh scene.

  37. ‘Tis true.

    Our claims to fame are:
    1) Killing Pocahontas.
    2) Killing that Thames Whale.
    3) Various mental Dickensian scenes involving menace and violence.
    4) Having Conrad’s deeply disturbing novella about mental menace and violence ‘The Heart of Darkness’ narrated on the Nellie next to our ‘prom’.

    “The Nellie, a cruising yawl, swung to her anchor without a flutter of the sails, and was at rest. The flood had made, the wind was nearly calm, and being bound down the river, the only thing for it was to come to and wait for the turn of the tide.
    The sea-reach of the Thames stretched before us like the beginning of an interminable waterway. In the offing the sea and the sky were welded together without a joint, and in the luminous space the tanned sails of the barges drifting up with the tide seemed to stand still in red
    clusters of canvas sharply peaked, with gleams of varnished sprits. A haze rested on the low shores that ran out to sea in vanishing flatness. The air was dark above Gravesend, and farther back still seemed condensed into a mournful gloom, brooding motionless over the biggest, and the greatest, town on earth.”

    Smashing place. Won’t hear a word said against it. Not least because all those police and ambulance sirens have given me tinnitus.

  40. Shall we now crack Essex jokes?

    Q) What does an Essex girl call her knickers?

    A) Ankle warmers.

    Your Turn.

  41. Gentlemen, I’ve never been to England and am sadly ignorant of its particulars. You could help me immensely by playing a game of “fill in the blanks.” In the States we might say that “Texas is where people go to prison and prisoners go to die,” or some such thing. Likewise, if you could copy and paste into a new comment the following list, and characterize each county for me (or as many as you can) by replacing the blank with the unvarnished truth of its essential nature, then in the future I will be seen as a sage on the subject. Thank you in advance.
    Bedfordshire_________ Berkshire_________ Buckinghamshire_________ Cambridgeshire_________ Cheshire_________ Cornwall_________ Cumberland_________ Derbyshire_________ Devon_________ Dorset_________ Durham_________ Essex_________ Gloucestershire_________ Hampshire_________ Herefordshire_________ Hertfordshire_________ Huntingdonshire_________ Kent_________ Lancashire_________ Leicestershire_________ Lincolnshire_________ London_________ Middlesex_________ Norfolk_________ Northamptonshire_________ Northumberland_________ Nottinghamshire_________ Oxfordshire_________ Rutland_________ Shropshire_________ Somerset_________ Staffordshire_________ Suffolk_________ Surrey_________ Sussex_________ Warwickshire_________ Westmoorland_________ Wiltshire_________ Worcestershire_________ Yorkshire_________

  43. Also, it would be great if you could let us Yanks know where it’s OK to be a tourist. (The Missus is contemplating a trip across the pond next year. I’m assuming she meant England. We don’t have any ponds nearby our house.)

  44. I think Ace must be addressing both your alternate personalities, Nxxx.

    All my imaginary friends topped themselves.

    And here’s the big response. Take your pick from these, Steve G., secure in the knowledge that in Blighty you’re never far from history, the coast, or kebab van.

    Bedfordshire_Yawn

    Berkshire_It’s in the name + ….*Slough*…

    Buckinghamshire_Change the first vowel

    Cambridgeshire_Flat and cold

    Cheshire_Have you ever heard of ‘Hollyoaks’? And wife swapping?

    Cornwall_Have you ever heard of ‘Wurzel Gummidge’? And sister swapping?

    Cumberland_Only now remembered as a sausage. How old is your list, Ace?Are you working from the Magna Carta? Absorbed into Cumbria . . . which is Lumpy and cold.

    Derbyshire_Peaky and cold

    Devon_See Dorset

    Dorset_See Cornwall

    Durham_It’s Grim Ooop Narth + Hobbits

    Essex_Gomorragh meets Gehenna

    Gloucestershire_Welsh Wurzels

    Hampshire_Overspill from the Isle of Wight(s)

    Herefordshire_Sprayed with phlegm from Wales

    Hertfordshire_Sprayed with chavs from Essex

    Huntingdonshire_Eaten by Cambridgeshire about the time Alfred scoffed his cakes

    Kent_The Garden of England. Gravesend is its compost heap

    Lancashire_It’s Grim Ooop Narth + Druggies

    Leicestershire_Have these people never heard of phonics?

    Lincolnshire_It’s Grim Ooop Narth + Sinking into the sea

    London_Sorry, do you mean ‘Laaahndan’?

    Middlesex_Not as exciting as it sounds. And now not even a county. Or, indeed, a proper cricket team.

    Norfolk_Swing Out [with your] Sister

    Northamptonshire_Confusingly neither Ooop Narth nor replete with Hamptons. Just cocks.

    Northumberland_So Ooop Narth they are effectively Jocks. And vikings.

    Nottinghamshire_It’s Grim Ooop Narth + Harold Larwood

    Oxfordshire_You think they’ll sound posh, but it’s just more Wurzel Gummidge (possibly with his Thinking Head on)

    Rutland_And believe me, they do

    Shropshire_Stropshire

    Somerset_See Devon

    Staffordshire_Change the first vowel

    Suffolk_See Norfolk

    Surrey_And they should be

    Sussex_Normans

    Warwickshire_Morons

    Westmoorland_Absorbed into Cumbria because saying it in a Geordie/Dooorham accent made everyone there sound retarded when they tried to pronounce the ‘moor’ bit.

    Wiltshire_Possibly due to brewers droop

    Worcestershire_Nice cricket ground. The rest of it smells faintly of bacon

    Yorkshire_It’s Grim Ooop Narth + don’t they bleedin’ want you to know about it.

  45. Harsh, nay, very harsh but true, only watch it with these anti-Welsh comments Brother or I’ll have you merged with Tilbury.

    Maybe some slight alterations, Erith is the Kent compost heap and Leicestershire smells of pork pies, sweaty huntsman and horses.

  46. Tilbury: oh Lord. I can see it now. Literally. Through the murky miasma oozing over the Thames.

    And Erith is perhaps the poo in the compost heap?

    And trust me, Nxxxx, you’ll never hear any anti-Welsh sentiment from someone familiar with Richard Burton’s voice and the 1974 British Lions.

    PS: Typo: Buckinghamshire should obviously have been ‘first consonant’…

  47. Now, if I can commit the lot to memory, I’ll know which spots to avoid.

    Uh, doesn’t leave much, does it?

  49. The Isle of Man is not a part of England, has its own Parliament, incidentally the oldest in the World.

    Two things,

    1) Always say “Good morning Little People.” as you cross the Fairy Bridge. Forgot once and the oil tank fell off the outfit. Had to be held on with the knee and Velocette oil gets very hot

    and

    2) Young Manx cats have tails. It is a myth that Manx cats are tailless. The lack of rear appendages is caused through the lack speed crossing the road during the TT and Manx GP events and practice.

  50. That sounds about right. Although I’ve always thought Manx cats might be tailess as a result of (un)natural selection, given that the natives would find it harder to catch them for ‘breeding purposes’. Allegedly.

    Although my opinions may be overly influenced by that bastion of authoritative comment, ‘The Fast Show’.

    Incidentally, it’s not a Venom, by any chance is it, Nxxx? Or a Thruxton (with the utterly useless but unutterably cool weeny fairing+windsheild)?

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