Category: CARS

Oh, you're not gonna like this…

I know, I know. No Help Desk two weeks in a row.

What will you do?

What… will… you do?

Why, you’ll drive away in your brand new car, that’s what you’ll do!

Yes, that’s right! You’d be driving in style in the 1974 Chrysler Imperial! With power door locks and a power sun roof, all you have to do is push a button and the world is your oyster! It’s 440-inch cubic V-8 and 2-stage electric assist choke mean you’ve got the power you need on today’s open roads!

[A $7,062 value.]

So…

What was your ride in the ’70s?

New Shirts!

Many members of the Apple community have complained about the outrageous prices at some sites that sell t-shirts in order to support their crack habits.

Or maybe it’s heroin. Or smack. Or…

Wait, is smack the same thing as heroin?

Well, whatever dangerous addiction these hippie punks are all hopped up on (Goofballs? Maybe it’s goofballs) there’s no reason the more upstanding members of the Apple community should have to support it.

That’s why Crazy Apple Rumors Site is proud to announce new shirts that are reasonably priced at $19 (the Cafe Press minimum – we are not making a dime off of them) and don’t carry the taint of enabling someone who’d probably only blow it on something that is to their own personal moral detriment.

This is a Crazy Apple Rumors Site original design, not some cheap knock-off, so I don’t want to hear a lot of bitching and moaning about copyright.

Well, OK, they’re cheap. Of course they’re cheap. I mean, Cafe Press just does those iron-on jobbies…

But they’re totally original.

Totally.

Here, take a look:

Now where ya gonna find another shirt even remotely like that, beeotch? Nowhere, that’s where. It’s hip, it’s happenin’, it’s fresh, it’s keepin’ it real and it’s what the kiddies want.

At least the ones not all hopped up on goofballs.

This shirt is a limited edition run – in as much as there is a limited supply of cotton on the Earth – so act now.

Click here to buy!

And… you know… there will probably be some legal action. Possibly before dawn.

So click now!

…

Well?

Go on.

LATE-BREAKING UPDATE: This site – which I had never hear of before – seems to have appropriated our shirt concept for its entire design and now has the hubris to threaten us! Well, good luck with that! Everyone knows lesbian ninja sexbots beat bat-wielding thugs in the Russian mafia. Everyone.

And On The 92nd Day He Rested…

As you may know, yesterday was April Fools Day which is my people’s holy day.

I fasted for much of it – sustaining myself by spraying seltzer into my face periodically – and then, as the sun set, took in a light repast consisting of unleveaned insoles from the discarded shoes of Jennifer fricking Connelly and cheese from an evil goat.

Have you tried the evil goat cheese? It really is delicious.

As the stars came out, we regaled each other with the writings of Rob Enderle and then drank fortified malt liquor long into the night.

Which pretty much knocked me on my ass as all I had to eat all day was insoles and cheese.

But, for those of you who don’t understand my faith, yesterday just kicked off the Festival of the Shaving Cream Pies which will run all week culminating in the Night Of Awkward Nudity in which…

Well, that’s actually kind of just like it sounds.

So, anyway, we’ll be off all week for this Holiest of Holies. Perhaps you ‘ll find a way to make it through without us. But before we go, we won’t leave you in the lurch. Here’s our analysis of the Apple/EMI deal to deliver DRM-free music:

Uh… it’s good.

See you next week.

Nothing tonight!

At the invitation of the lovely and talented Brent Simmons, the entire CARS staff is headed up I-5 to attend tonight’s meeting of Seattle Xcoders.

In the comments, please answer the following question: if humans were classes, which human would you inherit from (not your parents – who would you want to inherit from)?

Maybe some geeks can explain that.