Driven by the cult popularity of the G4 Cube, Apple is reportedly working on a G5 hyper-cube – or hCube as it is expected to be called. The hCube will use plane-folding technology to bend space and extend itself into four physical dimensions.
While this development is impressive in that it violates many of the laws of physics, no one seems to be able to figure out how it will make the hCube any better.
“So… it extends into length, width, height and, uh, whatever the fourth dimension is,” mused Mac author Tom Negrino, sketching randomly on a pad of paper. “We’ll call it lidth. Or hength. Whatever.
“I just don’t see how that benefits me, the user. Is this just another cool Apple technology that’s going to die on the vine? Like DVD-RAM and OpenDoc and… well, you know the rest.
“And if you don’t, please look for my upcoming book on failed Apple technologies!”
Stan Ng, who has been put in charge of the hCube product line, defended the new device.
“It’s a hyper-cube!” said Stan Ng, gesturing to a test unit. “It’s just cool! This kind of crap sells itself!”
Ng demonstrated the cube’s coolness by picking it up and turning it, which caused a dizzying display of angles and perspective.
“You cannot tell me that that is not totally cool!” Ng said. “You know you gotta get you one of these!”
Ars Technica’s John Siracusa pointed out, however, that the hCube was simply an underpowered PowerMac with no room for expansion.
“You’d think that with it extending into infinite n space it would have infinite room for expansion,” Siracusa said. “But it doesn’t. It doesn’t even have an AGP slot.
“Also, the L2 cache is a measly 256k and the RAM maxes out at 1 GB. I just don’t see a market for this.”
Ng shook his head in disbelief.
“I cannot believe this! Hyper-cube, folks! I’m speaking English, here, right? It folds space! Hel-looooo?!”
The hCube is expected to be announced in time for the holidays. Price cuts will come in January, followed by cancellation in the second quarter of 2005.