Lots of activity to report today on the imminent release of Tiger (NOW!). Apple has picked up the pace of seeding release candidates in a sure sign that the few remaining issues are being quashed with all due speed. The company hit a road block earlier today, however, when several seeds were issued with erroneous release numbers.
Sources forwarded the following sequence of events that would seem comical if we didn’t need Tiger so desperately to fill our shallow, empty lives.
9:05 AM – Apple seeds Tiger Release Candidate THX1138.
9:22 AM – Apple realizes that that seed number is actually the name of a George Lucas film and withdraws the release.
9:41 AM – Apple seeds Tiger Release Candidate Zero, Zero, Zero, Destruct… Zero!
9:53 AM – Apple realizes that that seed number actually the final destruct sequence for the USS Enterprise and withdraws the release.
10:10 AM – Apple seeds Tiger Release Candidate 18-42-35.
10:31 AM – Apple realizes that that seed number is Avie Tevanian’s high school locker combination and withdraws the release.
10:47 AM – After much consultation, the company seeds Tiger Release Candidate 576.12 – a number picked at random but finally settled upon because one guy is pretty sure they haven’t used that one yet.
While the seed number scheme caused the company some delay, the operating system is clearly just days, if not moments (NOW!) away from being released. Indeed, several Apple sources report seeing sullen marketing interns dressed in tiger costumes wandering the halls, as well as “smelling Tony”, whatever that means.
Meanwhile, in the retail channel, shelves are reportedly being cleared of Panther boxes and replaced with small scraps of paper reading “I.O.U. one advanced operating system release with built-in automation, desktop dashboard and advanced file search capabilities. Your bud, Apple.”
Plus somebody emailed us something about some inventory tracking thingy that we couldn’t really understand. Something about SKU numbers or some shit like that.
Finally, the Earth Goddess appeared to a Mac user visiting Stonehenge and said “TIGER SHALL BE RELEASED UNTO THEE IN A FORTNIGHT.”
British sources confirm that “a fortnight” is two weeks in U.S. time.