After the company’s announcement of Gadgets, members of the technology industry expressed their heartfelt concern for the mental state of Microsoft today.
In the introduction of a feature clearly derivative of Dashboard, Konfabulator, or any number of previous iterations of small, easily accessible applications, a blogger for the company asked without deliberate irony “Have you ever wondered how new technologies get developed at Microsoft?”
Many in the technology industry saw this as a clear sign that the company has slipped deep into denial about its own position – that of a scavenging pack of hyenas – in the ecosystem of the industry.
“I’m concerned that the company has been listening to its spin for so long that it’s starting to believe it,” said Oracle CEO Larry Ellison. “Look, we all know that Microsoft just steals crap from Apple and, well, everyone. That’s just the way this works. But don’t lie to us about it.
“It’s not the stealing, Microsoft. It’s the lying.”
Looking down at his feet, Ellison added “I know I haven’t always been there for you. I know I haven’t always been supportive. I just didn’t know it was this bad. I feel terrible. Just terrible.”
Ellison was not alone in reaching out to Microsoft, a company in trouble.
“I think there’s a company out there that needs a hug,” said IBM chairman Samuel Palmisano. “I’m here, Microsoft, when you’re ready to admit you need that hug.
“Except for Monday, when I’m in Singapore.”
Consulting his PDA, Palmisano added “And Tuesday through Friday’s not good, either. I’m in Sydney then Auckland.
“It’s not business, I’m actually following Duran Duran.”
But while the morning featured a litany of technology executives At the end of the day the executives had decided they didn’t really care.
“What?” said Ellison when we called him back at 5 PM. “Microsoft? Desperate call for help? Living in denial? Strung out on the edge of reality?
“Call someone who cares, babe.”
When reached, Palmisano could not be heard over the sounds of “Hungry Like The Wolf” in the background.
“WHAT?! WHAT?! MICROSOFT?! OH, MY GOD, THEY’RE GONNA DO ‘THE REFLEX’! I GOTTA GO!”
When asked about the controversy, Apple CEO Steve Jobs simply nodded and continued eating his falafel.