Upcoming Video iPod Not The Video iPod.

Extremely disappointing news has reached the Crazy Apple Rumors Site headquarters today as sources indicated that the upcoming iPod announcement will not be that of the true video iPod as expected, but another pretend video iPod.

As educated Apple followers will know, the “video” iPod that was released in October was not the true video iPod. October’s faux “video” iPod is really nothing more than a resized photo iPod with a larger hard drive and certain added capabilities.

Such as the ability to play video.

The true video iPod – predicted by rumor sites since the Clinton administration – will be a video powerhouse of untold video power featuring a video screen of gigantic iPod porportions with enhanced video graphics and, most importantly, the ability to play video.

Totally different iPod.

Quite possibly it will also feature free high-speed wireless downloading of movies currently in the theater, force feedback for the Brickles game, free pie and an optional laser cannon for you to use to smite your enemies. These remain unconfirmed, however.

Crazy Apple Rumors Site is advising readers to not be fooled by whatever pretender to the throne of the one true video iPod Apple trots out later this week. Wait for the real thing which Apple will almost certainly announce next month or the month after or sometime during the Time of the Lawgiver when apes rule the Earth.

That’s supposed to be around 2050.

The one, true video iPod’s appearance will be notable for causing Apple fans to experience:

  • Weakness in the knees
  • Visions of a chorus of angels sounding upon high
  • A damp, squishy feeling in the loins
  • Stigmata

Rest assured that rumor sites will let you know when the one true video iPod has arrived.

35 thoughts on “Upcoming Video iPod Not The Video iPod.”

  1. “A damp, squishy feeling in the loins”

    Ummm, ahem, that would be the ham I’m defrosting there?

  2. Cinqa!

    Unbeknownest to most rumour-mongers (yes, that’s how the word is really spelt!), the coming of the video iPod will bring World Peace. But no-one will move out of your way on the bus.

  3. Judging from the description of Apple fans’ reactions, viewing the true video iPod will be a combination of Christ’s return and porn.

  4. Free pie, eh? Well, 44 years is a while, but to get that free pie … do you think they’ll ship with different flavours?

  5. The iPod’s dead for me.

    I’m over it.

    Ever since Sparky Mullins sharpened a third gen 40 gig into a shive and stuck me during my last stretch in Marion.

  6. “Judging from the description of Apple fans’ reactions, viewing the true video iPod will be a combination of Christ’s return and porn.”

    Both of which, incidentally, you’ll be able to view on the true video iPod.

    Or iPod video true, as Apple will call it.

  7. I like to see the websites that people have listed by clicking on thier name. It would help if people would update thier blogs…ie….bored bode and stuck streetrabbit.


  8. Well, I usually use my pants to smite my enemies.
    But having a laser cannon to do it… That’s insanely great!


  9. I can’t wait for the release of the Apple iPod with Apple iPie.

    Now I’m hungry. Luckily there is lots of Cheez Whiz around.

  10. I will design a pie that you can thaw in your pants, ward off UFOs and make Steve Ballmer jealous all in one fell swoop.

    At least, it could last time I tried to do a fell swoop. But swooping can be quite tricky if you don’t know what you’re doing.

    Later on lets get some coffe and pie, y’know and talk and stuff..

  11. I am tired of rumour sites predicting products like an ibook for example for 9 months and then after new product comes out saying “As we predicted new iBooks are here” shit, I predict ford will change its models next year. Damn i am good.

  12. I don’t think that you appreciate the severity of the situation. Sure, the true video ipod won’t come out this year, perhaps not next year either, but whenn it does, we all must prepare for untold doom. No consumer should be able to wield the power and convenience afforded y the true video ipod.

    It must be destroyed.

    When the time comes, We must return it to the funaces of Cupernito which Ives sits nexts to on a rocking chair crumpling up drawings of various rectangles, back into the fires wence it came!

  13. jobo da hobo:


    osx has a built in spell checker, you know…

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