Friday Feature: Crazy Apple Help Desk.

Every Friday, the staff at Crazy Apple Rumors Site answers common help questions based on our vast experience with Apple products and our fervent belief that we know more than you do.

Q: This isn’t specifically a Mac question, but I know you’ve talked about the Getting Things Done methodology in the past and, I gotta tell you, I’m having a real problem with it.

A: Oh? Well, one app I can recommend is iGTD. It’s got a nice, clean interface, it integrates with Quicksilver and…

Q: No, no, no! My life used to be carefree! Now I have this monkey of ubiquitous capture on my back! I’m always capturing, capturing! I don’t fricking want to capture tasks anymore! I’ve got 40,000 tasks! Look at this one – “Organize pencils by size.” What the hell is that?! Why would I need to do that?!

A: Uh… well, if your pencils were organized, um… you could jot something down… uh…

Q: There’s no reason! And that’s the kind of crap I’m ubiquitously capturing!

A: You know, maybe GTD isn’t for you.

Q: I think you’re right. I’m going back to aimlessly meandering through a life of procrastination.

A: Good idea.

Q: I’m taking my MacBook to Asia next week and I want to make sure I can do my work, post some photos and watch some movies, but I don’t want to lug too much weight. Do you have any tips for travelers?

A: Absolutely. Instead of relying on your MacBook for watching movies on the flight, rip your DVDs and put them on your iPod before hand. You can get an additional lightweight battery pack for your iPod. In order to save more weight, check out what’s on your MacBook’s hard drive. Ones are, obviously, heavier than zeros. I recommend using a disk editor to change as many ones to zeros as you can.

Q: Uh… that doesn’t seem like a good idea.

A: Hey, do you know what the difference between a one and a zero is? Exactly one bit. You’ll never notice it except in the weight.

Q: I’m not gonna do that.

A: Sissy.

Q: I have an older Power Mac and I’m thinking about finally replacing it with a new iMac. The problem is, I keep hearing that Apple’s going to release new iMacs any day. Should I buy a new one now or should I wait?

A: W-w-w-w-wack! Ack! Ack! Blech.

Q: Um…

A: Glack! Ack! Wwwwwwack. Thoo!

Q: Uh… is there something…

A: Gah! I… swallowed a bug!

Q: Well, that’s great, but I really need to know what to do here.

A: Blach! B-buy a fricking iMac! Glack!

Q: OK. You don’t have to shout.

A: Gleck. Bleck. Oh, man. Mmm. Ahem. You know… that wasn’t so bad. I could go for another one.

27 thoughts on “Friday Feature: Crazy Apple Help Desk.”

  1. Good Morning/Afternoon/Night everyone.

    Your sparkling talent improves John.

    Ace, my name and home village is so unpronounceable/unspellable that I don’t know who I am or where I come from.

    Following your recommendation, have adopted Sneeze as my name and my home village. Thanks for your inestimable help.

  2. While you’re fixing that one John, are you really going to let your character “aimlessly meander though a life of procrastination?

    I mean really, after spending a day with editors climbing all over my back, you don’t expect me to come around here for a nice read and not notice that you’ve been drinking on the job again do you?? Well, do you?

  3. So, one helium balloon is heavier than zero helium balloons?

    Nuh-uh. No way no how.

    Good morning Sneeze (of Sneeze, Wales). Good night, John-Boy. Good night, Jayne-Girl. Good night, ladies…good night, ladies…good night, ladies: I’m going to leave you now.

  4. Man, for a minute I thought you had said Grouper sex and I was going to be titillated… I mean disgusted! Yeah! Disgusted!

    Groupers indeed. But you just said groupies, groupies are okay.


  5. Yeah. I didn’t have dinner either.

    Groupie sex. That’s why I’ve missed posting to the blog for a day or two. Yeah. You go ahead. As far as I’m concerned, Thurott and Eberle can have the whole bunch of them. Hairy, belching bastards. If just one of them ever brought flowers……

  6. Deliriously late to the table tonight. But then, a birthday celebration is worth it. What’s today? Friday 4/20? Oh, yeah. Q&A. OK, now I’ll go read tonight’s piece.

  7. Boy, Merlin is going to be all over you, John, for the pencil thingie.

    Did someone say Gruber sex? Now that sounds interesting !

  8. Zeros are heavier than ones. I know it’s counter-intuitive that nothing is lighter than something, but it takes a lot more silicon to make a zero. This silicon, incidentally, is the exact same silicon used in breast enlargements. Does anyone know how many bits it takes to make a boob? I’m working on a sexbot, and am hoping to get it right the first time …

  9. John,

    What is it with you and Jennifer ‘Freaking’ Connelly? Watched “House of Sand and Fog” on the box last night, and they all committed suicide. So did I.

  10. John,

    What is it with you and Jennifer ‘Freaking’ Connelly? Watched “House of Sand and Fog” on the box last night, and they all committed suicide. So did I.

  11. Thanks to the eagle-eye citizens of this site, I see my services are not needed. At the moment, anyway.

    I’m returning to holiday now. Jennifer Connelly says hi.

    Also, she says she prefers “Effin” to “Fricking.” Please govern yourselves accordingly.

  12. 100100100100100100100100 or 011011011011011011011011, that is the question …………..

  13. I have nothing relevant to say, and it’s Monday too.

    I’m useless….and late.

    Well, not THAT kind of late. Just late to post.

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