Members of the Apple community are rolling in feather pillows tonight and rubbing themselves with Crisco as reports indicate that Bungie is leaving Microsoft and becoming an independent game developer again.
Despite Game Informer’s claims that Microsoft will retain first right of refusal on all future Bungie games, Crazy Apple Rumors Site sources say that Bungie will return to being a Mac-first developer. This news brought a near orgasmic response from long suffering Mac gamers.
[Editor’s Note: I cut the near orgasmic response from Mac gamers. It was icky. It’s bad enough that I had to read it, I’m not going to make you read it.]
First on the menu for Bungie will be a much-awaited sequel to its once flagship title, Marathon. While many have incorrectly considered Halo to be a Marathon sequel, the true sequel will feature an entirely new engine based on Core Graphics and a OS X port of Input Sprockets and will be written only for the Mac platform. After that, Bungie will go on to write a sequel to Myth and then a prequel to Pathways Into Darkness that will actually be done with a stereopticon.
As unbelievable and an out-of-the-blue realization of a long-held pipe dream as this news seems, it’s not all. Sources also say that:
- Your old girlfriend called and she totally wants to get back together with you.
- Your parents weren’t lying to you when you were 5, your dog Sneakers really was taken to a farm and – guess what?! – he’s back and he wants to play frisbee! Yay!
- Your parents breaking up when you were 12 was just a bad dream. Mommy really does love daddy. Not Rico down at the Jiffy Lube. And Daddy really likes women, particularly mommy. Not, uh… well, whatever disturbing thing it is you were told he liked on your 13th birthday. Sheep? Was it sheep? Or gophers? Sources couldn’t remember.
- Your old girlfriend? Totally wants to do it with you and another chick. Totally.
Apple declined to comment, but CARS staff member and long-suffering Marathon gamer Masako Yamamoto has had what medical experts call “an episode.”