iPhone News Dominates the Day.

Shocking news came late this afternoon as – just hours after announcing a release date of October 26th – Apple announced that Leopard would be delayed again. According to the company, some late testing revealed that there were lingering performance issues on older Macs.

When asked which Macs were affected, head of Mac hardware engineering Peter Mehring said “Mostly Performas. For some reason it runs really slow on even a later Performa like a 6400. And that was a really nice machine. Despite what people said.”

Mehring said he thought it might be the Core Animation.

“Or, really, it could be an icon, actually. They’re a lot bigger than they used to be.”

Asked about the system requirements that state a G4 or higher is required, Mehring said “Oh, that? That’s wrong. I mean, why wouldn’t we get it working on as many machines as possible? Like the PowerBook 2400? Now that was a machine.”

Mehing thinks it will only take another 10, 14, 28 months to get one or two of the 300 Leopard technologies running on Performas.

“I’m sure everyone understands. Shouldn’t be long. Well, OK, kind of long. But, we’d hate to leave our Performa-using customers behind.

“Um… again.”
A huge news day today as CEO Steve Jobs announced that Apple would indeed be releasing an iPhone SDK as this site accurately reported was predicted last week.

Jobs said the development work would take some time as Apple was trying to come up with an effective way to skim a little off the top for Stevie ensure that the applications are secure.

Meanwhile, reports indicated that Apple would be selling an unlocked version of the iPhone in France, a surprising revelation considering the lengths the company has gone to to lock the phone to AT&T in the U.S.

Crazy Apple Rumors Site has learned that Apple has found another way to achieve its objectives. The unlocked version of the iPhone will cost 9, 000 Euros.

“There you go, you French whiners,” Steve Jobs reportedly said. “Happy fricking Bastille Day.”

Jobs seemed uninterested to learn that Bastille Day is actually in July, but added “I got your unlocked iPhone… right… here.”

And then he grabbed a part of his body where it was unlikely there was actually an unlocked iPhone, unless Apple will be releasing iPhone crotch holsters any time in the near future.

Jobs further added that French people could “mange” his “big, crusty baguette.”

“And by that I mean my junk,” Jobs concluded.

The French government declined to comment for this story.

29 thoughts on “iPhone News Dominates the Day.”

  1. Okay, I don’t know how that happened. I’d like to thank the people at Newsgator for making this all possible. And all the guys at Gillett Evernham Racing.

  2. Is it possible to have two knots in your panties, or maybe two panties in a knot? Any topologists around here, or at least someone with panties?

  3. Sacré Bleu! I believe the phase en Englaise is: “He’s got his knickers in a swivet!”

  4. Well, the iPhone’s dangerous chemicals aren’t poisoning my brain!

    Nope, for me it’s full seasons of 60s TV shows on DVD.

    Plus a handful of websites.

    Also, I don’t think that Mr. Clean I drink is doing me any good, but I don’t think it’s poisoning my brain, specifically.

  5. phew… just missed 13th. again. cursed are all those who hit no. 13, as it is they who are doomed to suck steves crusty bagette in hell for all eternity.

    or not. whatever you belive.


  6. Maybe that’s why Apple gave in and decided to sell iPhones to France. It gives them a place to send all the poisonous ones.

  7. I think this whole thing is getting out of hand, personally. I think we need to stop picking on the French. I mean, it isn’t like they did anything wrong. Besides, if they want to “mange” on a “baguette,” well who are we to find fault.

    Excuse me, my sausage is ready.

  8. February release of SDK is clearly directly related to the panty-twisting; as I recall, SDK is an acronym for Seriously Damaged Knickers.

  9. As far as I’m concerned, the response to the French should be, “Siooma!”

    (Many, many thanks to FSJ for that most wonderful acronym.)

  10. De toutes façons, nos baguettes sont trop bonnes pour vos iPhones.

    I’m quite sure it doesn’t mean anything really coherent in French, but who cares ? There are only fucking tea’n’hamburgers eaters in here. Some freaking aussies, too.

    By the way, there was always a lot of french references in mac ads or presentations.
    Now it has ended, can someone give a reason ?

    Now I leave, I have a Soufflé aux Grenouilles to watch. Kids are hungry.

  11. An “area” with ham and lettuce and pickles. Maybe a hard-boiled egg. Butter, no mayonnaise.
    No coke to that : beer, red wine, or anything civilised.

  12. “stupid french”

    fuck off, stupid american cocksucker

    improve your knowledge about the rest of the world, and maybe you wish pretend talk about us.

    stay in your shitty Texas eating your cow’s shit

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