Child Discovered In Word Code.

Shocking news has been leaked from the Microsoft Business Unit today that reveals the reason the release of Office for the Mac was delayed last year. According to sources, some times last year, developers in the MBU discovered a child lost in the voluminous source code of Word for the Mac.

Sources were unable to say how he got in there or whose child he might be, but he apparently had been living in the code in a feral state for a number of years.

Lost in a morass of legacy code, the child was only first glimpsed when Microsoft began to remove Visual Basic support.

“He was apparently hiding behind some of that code,” said a MBU developer who declined to be identified.

The source placed blame on former MBU head Roz Ho and credited new head Craig Eisler with the boy’s eventual rescue.

“Roz ignored the obvious signs there was someone living in the code,” the source said. “There were signs of nesting, old bones and scat everywhere. Craig personally coaxed that kid out of there and saved him from a life that was nothing but a constant struggle to survive.

“Oh, my god, I just realized he probably had to live with Clippy! What a horrible existence. It’s inhuman. I can’t even bring myself to think of it.”

If this child was living in Word for the Mac, one shudders to think what could be living in Word for Windows.

Microsoft declined to comment officially for this story.

We told them it would probably be their last chance but they still declined to comment.



55 thoughts on “Child Discovered In Word Code.”

  1. That’s it?

    I mean all these years, and this is the last one…
    I should just go and watch the last episode of St. Elsewhere, or The Sopranos.

    Ok… perhaps that was a bit much. Sorry John.

    If this really is it, thanks to everyone, especially John.
    Ranging from the insane to the obscene, this really has been one heck-uv-a ride.

    So, where everybody going from here?
    Denny’s is still open…

  2. Hey, did they ever catch the guy that thought up Clippy? Was he prosecuted, executed, electrocuted, drawn and quartered? Eighthed? Siixteenthed? Bifurcated, shunned, cast aside and forgotten? Was he the same guy who came up with Microsoft Bob? Was he duly reprimanded?

    I mean, is there any justice in the world?

  3. The person who came up with Clippy wasn’t a guy. She was Ed Fries’ sister.

    And the kid didn’t have to live with Clippy. The kid was Clippy’s illegitimate offspring. The other was Max, who’s real name was Maxine.

  4. For those who have the most prurient of interests, Clippy and Maxine were practicing unsafe byte-sex.

  5. I thought the Microsoft Bob person was sentenced to marry Bill Gates.
    And, Moltz, thanks for the electrons.

  6. Please don’t make him meet the Excel Girl, they could reproduce…

  7. (Oh and, my taunting is encouraging you to keep on going… you know, you’ve got to meet my challenge and all that stuff, not forcing you into submission, right?)

  8. Without you I have no other daily funny fix.

    The only other funny fix I get is the sort of weekly VGCats comics…

  9. I thought she was the kid of Waterworld. But, WTH.

    You’re gonna be missed, John. Even Gruber, perhaps, maybe, kinda is gonna miss you.

  10. First to mention The Rockford Files.

    Geez. I’m gonna miss this place. Hey. Um…

    Stop by my place from time to time.

    Drive fast.

    Ignore all the signs.

    Write if you find work.

  11. Dammit, knowing that this is the last CARS post, makes it impossible for me to enjoy it. John, you seriously gotta reconsider your leaving, Apple rumour world just wont be the same.

    That said, best of lucks in whatever you plan to do next. Would be nice to keep us up to date so we can go on harassing you in the future.

    Good things, Sexbots and Ponies for you, mate


  12. What time will you be posting today’s Friday Help Desk? I really really need help…

  13. I’m of the mindset that the kid bent Clippy to make one of those “cube longbows”. You know the ones where you open the paper clip, put a rubber band on for the string and then shoot things at people.

    How do you think he killed his meals?

  14. Thirty-eight is the new thirty-eight (it’s the old one, too, but that’s beside the point).

    Moltzy, you never said how much Apple paid you to shut down your rumor-posting. You must have been getting too close with your sexbot rumors.

    Anyway, Cheers, Farewell, Buh-bye, Don’t Do Anything We Wouldn’t Do.

    If you run into Jack of AtAT at the retirement center, tell him “Hi” for us.

    Best Always.

  15. Re #7: I would pick the last episode of the second Newhart, since it referenced the first, which could mean that this won’t end.

    Re #12 and #18: Correct. Melinda is to blame for Bob. I think she used his toothbrush…

  16. Nice to know I can still control huh? with mere insinuated disbelief. But stacking??? I am surprised.

  17. Moltz swings, he drives a line shot out to deep center, it’s going back, back, it’s OUTTA HERE!


  18. @26
    Your reference is to the MASH episode when Col. Blake was written out of the show (ummm…but the show went on for quite a while after that).

    I still pine for AtAT.

    FSJ was fun for awhile (but now DL can rot in he11). Finally got around to bookmarking CARS a while back and now it claims to be history, too.

    [unless JM is pulling an FSJ-like fast one on us]


  19. Since I still can’t bring myself to delete my bookmarks to AtAT, or even Perversion Tracker, I don’t see myself being able to get rid of the CARS one either.

    I’ll just look at the 404 error and sob quietly.

    Last post?

  20. I shudder to think what’s living in Windows! Maybe that’s where Bin Laden has been hiding..ahahhahaha

    John, thanks for bringing laughter to this Mac user’s life. (I know I don’t have a life, shut up!)

    oh and 49!

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