26 Apr 04New Software Company Codes, Fights Crime.

As reported on Think Secret last week, Wil Shipley and Mike Matas, both formerly associated with the Omni Group, have joined forces to form Delicious Monster.

The new company’s first product is Library 3. Originally coded by Andrew Kazmierski, Library 3 will feature a new interface and the ability to use an iSight camera as a bar code reader.

It was Library 3 that prompted Shipley and Matas to choose a mission statement for Delicious Monster: “helping people organize.”

In what would prove a pivotal move in pushing the dynamic duo into crime fighting, they then retained the services of a consultant who shortened the company’s mission statement to simply “helping people.”

“Generally, I tell my clients to keep their mission statements as short as possible,” said consultant Trent Westerfeld. “The ideal mission statement would be one syllable… some sort of grunt or hoot designed to resonate with employees, business partners and clients.

“I had a client once that got its mission statement from ‘Providing enhanced value-added products to top-tier clients in competitive global 2000 industries’ down to ‘A-Oooh-Gah!’ It’s three syllables, but it was quite a sight seeing them all jumping up and down, yelling ‘A-Oooh-Gah! A-Oooh-Gah!’ Now, that was an organization with a mission!”

Their mission statement shortened, Shipley and Matas now felt obliged to help people in all circumstances.

“That’s when we first started talking about also fighting crime,” Matas said. “Although… I think Wil had maybe thought of it before because he already had a costume…

“Kinda freaked me out, really…”

Ignoring his younger partner, Shipley said “If Delicious Monster can help people scan things into a library of all of their bar-coded or otherwise categorizable items, then it can also help them fend off muggers, cads and the street vermin that infest the Hell’s Kitchen that is… uh… the area around Seattle’s University Village.”

Shipley and Matas have yet to decide what kind of crime fighters they will be. Matas is leaning toward a “Starsky and Hutch” approach that would involve large hair and souped-up hot rods. Shipley prefers a costumes and gadgets approach, a la Batman, but admits that his preference may be related to Halle Berry taking on the role of Catwoman this summer.

“Would it be sharing too much to say I have a thing for women in leather?” Shipley asked.

“Oh. OK, well, I won’t mention it, then.”

One thing is for sure, however. Along with their sidekick, Plantzilla, Shipley and Matas will make the mean streets of Seattle’s trendy, upscale, shopping area safer from crime.

Asked if Plantzilla had any special powers that would aid the trio in fighting crime, Shipley replied “Um, does photosynthesis count? Then, no, I guess not. But it is… uh… a very large plant. Very… intimidating. You… wouldn’t want to have to… move it.”

No Responses to “New Software Company Codes, Fights Crime.”

  1. Billy Mays says:

    Billy Mays Here:

    For first post!!!!!

  2. EMan says:

    Is there any upcoming summer movies where Halle Berry plays a sexbot?

  3. Scott M. says:


  4. Reiggin Hilderbrand says:

    You’re not very hip, are you, Scott M.?

  5. kman says:

    Oh, and now it’s suped up. Sheesh! What has this country come to? Can people really not spell? Even with a spell checker. Souped-up, it’s souped-up, fer cryin’ out loud.

  6. Joseph White says:

    no he isnt. i mean look at his name “scott m.” ?

  7. batrico says:

    Yes, but did you ever consider you could have supped up the soup, but it is redundant to soup up the sup?

    Oh, and pardon me while I express disdain for those beneath this post.

  8. John Moltz says:

    What?! “Souped-up”?! As in, like, SOUP?

    “Mmm, that car was souped-up!”

    “Damn, bro, it was Chunky souped-up!”

    And, no, no one here can spell, OK? And, for your information, BBEdit’s spell-checker ACTUALLY SUGGESTED “SUPPED”!

  9. Shareholder says:

    On the issue of editing gaffes (gaffs?). Is it Planzilla or Plantzilla?


  10. Dwartz Farquhartz says:

    I laughed and laughed when I (mistakenly) read that their mission was to make the mean streets of Seattle trendy and upscale. Then I read it again.

    Oh well. You still made me laugh out loud.

  11. Dwartz Farquhartz says:

    I mean, imagine people cruising the streets, fighting off people with Folgers (not Starbucks) coffee…telling people they’re “dope.” Har har har.

    John, could you tell your buddy Jack at AtAT to get busy? I’m getting all fidgety waiting here.

  12. ‘planzilla’ might be annoyed that his/her name has been spelt right in one place but wrong later on. thats just not professional.

  13. El Capitano Corelli says:

    Better still, you can get official Trent Westerfeld car horns:


  14. BBEdit is a fine application and not at all to blame for your failure to spell colloquialisms correctly.

  15. Brother Mugga says:

    What concerns me is the lack of any indication as to what their ‘call sign’ might be.

    I mean – picture the scene.

    I’m there, with my various organiseds dissed all over the place.

    I’m leaking superfluous stationary.

    In desperate need of some bar-code related salvation.

    What’s the bat-signal?

  16. John Moltz says:

    No, it’s true, BBEdit is not to blame. I blame the Connecticut public school system and this:


  17. kman says:

    John, really, you should be ashamed of yourself. BBEdit has no responsibility for those who refuse to use proper english. As a man who uses slang, John, this falls on your shoulders. So quit blaming the very nice and faultless app, BBEdit, for your shortcomings.

    By the way, I noticed you changed it to the appropriate spelling. 🙂 I knew you would. Oh, sure, you might have to throw a fit first, but you know when you’re wrong and you’ll eventually do something about it.:) You’re a good guy, John.

  18. Etymology Now says:

    The origins of the term “souped up”:


  19. madnicholas says:

    Am I the only one who reads CARS that is actually FROM Seattle? I mean, nobody has spoken up about the actual problem that plagues University Village. You know what I mean… (Look up the hill. College students, for you out-of-towners.)

  20. Scott M. says:

    I’ll have you know that I choose to abbreviate my last name as an homage to Alan M., the good-natured and rather dim sidekick of the late Dan DeCarlo’s JOSIE comics.

    Okay, I’m lying. At least the spelling got corrected, and does Moltz thank me? Does he send me free CARS merchandise, or Masako’s phone number? Hell no.

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