Archive for June, 2004

30 JunJobs To Fight Rose After WWDC.

According to numerous paper notes being passed in sessions at Apple’s Worldwide Developers Conference, CEO Steve Jobs will fight Konfabulator co-creator Arlo Rose near the swings outside the Moscone Center after the conference concludes.

Jobs and Rose’s disagreement is the result of what many feel is the appropriation of Konfabulator’s functionality in Tiger’s Dashboard.

Rose is also rumored to believe that Jobs smells and he looks funny and he dresses like a dork and is a stupid four-eyes. Jobs, on the other hand, thinks Rose is a loser and the only reason he is whining is that he is a loser who doesn’t know how not to be a loser because he’s such a loser.

Sources at the conference were sketchy on what style of fight it would be, what rules would apply, who would be allowed to throw the first punch or how a winner would be determined.

But already chants of “Fight! Fight! Fight!” could be heard on the exhibition floor and clustered groups of developers, journalists, Apple employees and Mac enthusiasts were talking of little else.

“Oh, man, this is gonna be the best!” said the New York Times’ David Pogue. “Arlo is so gonna kick Steve’s ass!”

Safari developer David Hyatt disagreed, saying “Nuh-uh. No he isn’t. Nuh-uh.”

Jobs has already received unsolicited advice from several Apple executives including Chief Software Technology Officer Avie Tevanian who suggested “going for the nuts.” Jobs, however, claims to be able to beat Rose without resorting to “fighting like a girl. Which is what Arlo is. A girl.”

Rose responded that he is rubber and Jobs is glue, and that insults said by Jobs will bounce off of him, ironically sticking to Jobs instead.

Other notes currently being passed at the conference indicate that attendees think that iPod Marketing Manager Danika Cleary is cute and they wonder if Cleary thinks that they are cute, too.

Sources close to Cleary say, however, that Cleary does not think that attendees are cute and that she can do so much better than them.

29 JunWWDC Reaction

Due to budget cutbacks and the need to put my foot down about some personnel issues we’ve been having here (I’m sorry if some bad apples had to spoil a good time for everyone!), the Crazy Apple Rumors Site staff did not attend the Worldwide Developers Conference this year.

Because some people forgot to get their field trip permission slips signed.

I’m not saying who.

It’s not who you’d guess.

Unless you’d guess Chet.

In which case it is.

Anyway, we sat down and (some of us sullenly) watched Steve’s keynote and here’s our stream of consciousness reaction to the QuickTime streaming action.

Just after taking the stage, Steve said there are developers at WWDC from countries he didn’t know existed, which had us howling.

It’s funny sometimes how he likes to pretend he’s not omniscient. But he is, you know. He’s omniscient.

He sees what you do at home alone at night. He doesn’t want to, of course, because you’re disgusting, but… you know… omniscient.

Steve talked about the Apple Store, played a pretty cool iTunes/iPod video and then got into the new displays that… well… everyone already knew about.

Still, that’s a damn big display.

Also, I think I saw Steve adjust himself while he was talking about it. So… you can tell he’s pretty excited about it.

Steve moved on to Mac OS X saying that the transition to Mac OS X is over and then introduced Andy Dick, who seemed to be on prozac, to talk about products from Alias. And then there was some woman talking about the next version of Myst, a couple of funky musician types, about the geekiest guy you’ve ever seen and the entire University of California Marching Band to talk about how much they liked Panther.

Everyone likes Panther, if you haven’t gotten the memo.

But enough about that. Let’s talk about Tiger.

I noticed that Spotlight puts another icon in my menu bar and I was thinking that I’m going to run out of room between the application menus and the sound, Airport, etc. icons.

And then I found out I probably won’t need my Konfabulator icon anymore.

Which explains a phone call we got later. The phone rang and there was the most horrible tirade of he filthiest expletives you’ve ever heard on the other end.

I forgot to check the caller ID, but I’m pretty sure it was Arlo Rose. You can’t really blame the guy. Apple seems to be making it a point to put him out of business every few years.

Kind of a strange message to bring up during a developer’s conference, if you ask me, but… uh… they didn’t.

Hey, kids, what would any Apple conference be without a little Schillermania?! Not worth the price of entry, that’s what!

The S-Man’s Core bit of doing an image transition between a picture of a tiger and a picture of a lion was obviously a thinly veiled attempt to tell us that the code name for the version of Mac OS X after Tiger will be Lion.

Or, possibly, based on the groovy psychedelic image he made next, Electric Zebra.

You know, there’s been a lot of controversy about whether Phil’s Canadian or not, but I think it misses the larger point:

He’s stoned out of his mind on mescaline.

Somewhere in there they mentioned that Xcode 2 will supposedly support 64-bit application development. But based on our research, it’s more like 63 and a half. They just rounded it up to 64, which I think is kind of lame.

I don’t know if you saw the demo of Automator, but Apple just created a revolution in downloading porn. Oh, sure, they made a show of downloading “family pictures”, but… you know… wink, wink…

And they also created a revolution in online group sex with iChat video conferencing.

So, new monitors, advanced graphics capability, Automator, iChat video conferencing…

What new Apple technology do you think will impact digital porn the most?

No, really.

‘Cause that’s what I got out of this keynote.

Admittedly… I get that out of every keynote…

28 JunApple A Hoax.

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25 JunFriday Feature: Crazy Apple Help Desk.

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24 JunPowerBook Gets Foot In Door. Personality Promptly Shuts It.

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