08 Nov 04OS X 10.3.6 May Cause Erectile Dysfunction


Reports indicate today that Mac OS X 10.3.6, in addition to causing a number of Firewire drives to cease to pop up on the desktop, may also cause other things to cease to pop up, most notably male genitalia.

Reader reports flooded into Macintouch today from confused, bitter and desperate Mac users.

“I’ve been having ‘problems’ getting my ‘hard drive’ to ‘mount’… if you know what I mean.” – Mark, Oakland

“After updating, my Johnson does not react appropriately to visual stimulation.” – Todd, New York

“My soldier does not stand at attention.” – Dan, Boston

“The ultimate representation of my manhood is not functioning within normal parameters. And, while it sucks that my Space: 1999 Eagle Playset is busted, there also appears to be something wrong with my penis.” – Karl, Dayton

“There’s something wrong… down there. No! Down… there! Fur-ther… right… there! Oh, yeah. Uh… Hmm. Yep. Nothing. I’m not getting anything. Thanks for trying, though. Oh, really, baby, it’s not you. It’s me. I’ll call you.” – Richard, San Diego

“I’m contemplating downgrading to 10.3.5. This is a long and complicated process. First, I have to find my Panther install CDs. Then I have to spend the two hours doing the Panther install. Once that’s installed, I have install all the OS updates. Then, finally after about five hours of work my Glenn Dickey should be back on the beat. Ah, on second thought, screw it. It’s not like I’ve been using it recently.” – Tim, Orlando

Apple has yet to recognize the problem and has even deleted several posts from the company’s online discussion boards, though they do all violate the profanity clause simply by the nature of the subject.

At this time, Mac experts are recommending male users avoid installing 10.3.6 while cut-rate pharmaceutical sites are eagerly spamming .Mac email accounts.

This quickly shaping up to be the worst update since 10.2.1 unleashed the Hell beast Ronquar which cut a swath of destruction through Cos Cob, New York. Ronquar, now fully sated, was last seen living on the Lower East Side and working as an accountant for a actuarial company.

22 Responses to “OS X 10.3.6 May Cause Erectile Dysfunction”

  1. Ambrose Chapel says:

    getcher mind outta the gutter.

    and1st

  2. Ambrose Chapel says:

    also, i always pass through Cos Cob when i travel to new york to visit my family, and remark to myself on what an unusual name it is.

  3. MacStansbury says:

    will no amount of refreshing the page ever get me the first post?

    argh

  4. Anonymous says:

    no problems once I upgraded my sexbot’s OS

  5. UhhhDude says:

    My dysfunction is called OS 9.1.

    My performance is suffering, y’know? I can’t seem to get it up for those crucial computations anymore.

    At least that’e my story. Cuz that herbal Viagra ain’t working on my computer, neither.

  6. MacStansbury says:

    You know, they could make billions just by putting ads in the comments.

    Ads for c1al1s or the like. I wonder if they’ve thought of that, or if they were too interested in their seximal innuendo to care.

    Anyways, I’m going ahead to continue celebrating 10 years of “Later Gater.” It’s how I sign off on IM. Gee, I wonder what I use as a handle…

    But if I don’t find something to do soon…well, there’s always Google…

  7. Anonymous says:

    Sounds like Moltz is starting to feel the effects of turning forty-esque. I think we all know what inspired this article. Sorry John, but you can’t blame it on an OS upgrade gone wrong.

  8. Brother Mugga says:

    Yup, this is clearly a cry for help from a very sad, very ‘feeble’ forty year-old, limping his way towards sexual obscurity.

    I foresee a blatant pitch for Pele’s slot in those “I would (but I can’t)” adverts any day now.

    Probably first thing tomorrow, in fact (disguised, no doubt, as a blatantly Freudian story about Moltz’s secret ‘probe’ ‘inside Apple’).

    Let’s face it, he’s got bugger all else to do now.

  9. Ozi says:

    from the title onwards, i was giggling. 🙂 I loved this article. It makes me realise that I am not alone with my problem. Whilst “Mr Winky” has been having “issues” for some time, at least now I can blame it on 10.3.6 😀

  10. bear says:

    The rumor is that John is going to do a joint (get it?) commercial with Bob Dole.

  11. OOH YAAA says:

    Sweet 11 you are mine. Sorry Huck!

  12. Dwartz Farquhartz says:

    Funny how the comments are rather sparse on a day when the CARS article is about erectile dysfunction. Too close to home for some, perchance?

    In the meantime, I’m going off to set the oyster-eating contest, toss a caber, and do other manly-man-type thingies.

  13. dirk diggler says:

    I’m not gonna touch this post with a 8″ pole.

  14. Del says:

    Ok here are the new rules. All the guys who have done the 10.3.6 update go over to that side of the room. Yep over there on the left had side of the giant red line I painted down the comments.

    Now everyone who has NOT done the 10.3.6 update come over to the Mega-Post and try out the new Rev.B sexbots that arrived this morning. We’ve even done the update that upgraded all the sexbots from Lesbian & Gay sexbots to Bi-Sexual.

  15. macintaz says:

    There is No Cos Cob, New York there is only one Cos Cob and its in Conn in Greenwich

  16. Citizen Of Trantor says:

    John: exercise and proper diet. Your little Joe will come raging back to life in a few weeks, and that one eyed trouser snake will never look back. Worked for me. 🙂 –8

  17. Del says:

    I am SO disappointed.

    I was looking through the trailers on Apple’s site and I saw a add for the new Disney/Pixar film CARS

    http://phobos.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/redirect?url=itms://www.apple.com/moviesxml/s/disney/1145/fullscreen.xml

    I though how cool. It could have the exploits of ninja sexbots & solve the mystery of where all the Cheez Whiz went and It wasn’t like that at ALL!!! In fact I don’t think there even was one apple rumor in the add or sexbot.

    Worst Trailer EVER

  18. Anonymous says:

    18th

  19. Okay,

    I’ve done the 10.3.6 upgrade, and all it did was make me hot to trot.

    So off I trot to the…well…er…trotting place. Where people go to trot when they’re hot.

  20. bear says:

    Always remain flexible, not flaccid!

  21. Anonymous says:

    my dangle has had quite the same angle after the up grade either, but its not like i had much use for it anyway.

  22. Adam says:

    22th! My hands smell like bubbles!