08 Dec 04Evil-Looking Goat Seen Around Apple Campus.


In a disturbing sequence of events of unknown portent reported by concerned Apple employees, an evil-looking goat has been sighted all across the Cupertino campus.

While its purpose is unknown, the goat has appeared at Caffe Macs, in several conference rooms and in countless cubicles, striking fear into the hearts of engineers, marketing analysts and education sales specialists.

“What does it want?!” cried a visibly distraught Tamalyn Nichols, a higher education sales representative.

“Can’t anyone find out what it wants?!”

Nichols dropped her belongings and ran screaming down the hall, flailing her arms above her head.

“It’s not so much the evil-looking goat I mind as it is the invisible evil boys choir going ‘AH! AH! AH! AH!’ every time he shows up,” said software engineer Eric Schell. “It’s really hard to concentrate with that going on.”

So far, no evil has come of the evil-looking goat’s appearances, but some believe it is an ill omen sent by Satan himself, and is the harbinger of plague, pestilence and poor market share for the iPod.

Others believe it’s just a goat.

“Whichever it is, I wish it’d just go away,” Schell said.

“It really creeps me out. Goats just creep me out in general, really, but… an evil-looking goat…”

Schell shuddered.

Apple has contracted for the services of a licensed exorcist to deal with its evil-looking goat problem, as well as alerting animal control.

41 Responses to “Evil-Looking Goat Seen Around Apple Campus.”

  1. 2nd says:

    bastard

  2. Streetrabbit says:

    Well I must say that was a truly fascinating article. Why’d they choose Macintosh as the preferred apple? Why not granny smith? Granny Smith Powerbook G4 or Granny Smith G5 now they’re names that would get a lot more computers into old folk’s homes and which school district would throw out their grannies?

    p.s. This post has been in my clipboard for three hours now just waiting. And watching. And refreshing. Pretty smart huh? That’s book learnin’ fur ya.

    And….I still missed it. Oh well at least I can relax over lunch.

  3. Dan says:

    4th?

    All your base are belong to evil goat.

  4. Invisible Evil Boys' Choir says:

    AH! AH! AH! AH!

    AH! AH! AH! AH!

    AH! AH! AH! AH!

    AH! AH! AH! AH!

    AH! AH! AH! AH!

    AH! AH! AH! AH!

    AH! AH! AH! AH!

  5. Bellidancer says:

    Evil Goats? Evil Goats? HA! John is making way too much of the goat. Notice none of the people in the photos even glance at the goat.

    They have seen things much worse than a Goat!

    Think about it. With all the evil executives, products, and marketing plans that have infested 1 Infinity Loop from time to time, a silly looking goat seems kind a cute. I mean stack the goat up against Spindler or Amelio, or the PB5300 (there was a computer from hell), or the whole Performa line.

    I’d take the goat.

  6. Insider says:

    Apple’s top notch security is preventing the goat from entering any confidential areas. All intelligence photos only show the goat in public areas.

  7. Dr. Who says:

    That’s not an evil looking goat. It’s the guy who is coding Appleworks 7.

  8. Nick says:

    The name Gil is derived from spanish for goat, perhaps Mr. Amelio has decided now is the time to exact his revenge?

  9. Bellidancer says:

    At this point I would be ecstatic if Apple was devoting the efforts of even one evil looking goat to the Appleworks 7 project.

  10. MacStansbury says:

    just got around to reading the story, and I can’t help but wonder if that goat had something to do with the crash of Flight 815.

    yes, I’m a little obsessed with Lost right now. I mean, what do they want with Claire’s baby?!?

  11. Anonymous says:

    that goat has devil’s eyes!

  12. MacStansbury says:

    I’d like to add that Howard’s work goes largely unappreciated. I mean, seriously, give the dog a bone! Way to go, Howard.

  13. Bellidancer says:

    And will Charlie remember anything? I think its a cheap trick when writers resort to ” I can’t remember” so they can tease the suspense along. Come on, Charlie has seen something, Locke has seen something. Tell the audience!

    What’s with the steel underground? A chest? A chamber? What?

  14. Streetrabbit says:

    It certainly looks like a nice sunny day in the photos. That’s nice. Nice for all the people. Nice for the goat. Nice for the evil choirboys. How nice all the people, milling around the pretty umbrellas. Nice. Kind of makes me think of Nirvana or Shangri La. A Heaven on Earth if you will. They remind me of a happy fairyland, with elves and pixies where even the goblins are nice.

  15. MacStansbury says:

    naw, see, cause the wicked witch of the North has her special memory-erasing epidermal that she used to make with the Imperials-dragging. that’s what happened with Sayid when she would ask him a question, and then stick him into unconsciousness.

    What I’m saying is Charlie doesn’t know what happened to him. And now that I think about it, that’s probly why Locke doesn’t remember his date with Lostzilla. Drugs!

    Oh, and the metal thing is part of the S.S. Minnow that went down with the researchers the WWofTN ran afoul of Klingons or Romulans or something.

    Oh, and can’t wait for the SEVENTH showing of the FIRST FRICK’N episode…AGAIN!!! I can imagine the Nick and Jessica thing, but the first episode-again? teh s uck

    honestly, this is as infuriating as what the WB used to with Buffy.

  16. Bellidancer says:

    Oh but they teased you to watch and find all the little clues and foreshadowings you missed the first seven times you watched.

    As much as I would like to see more original content. Reshowing the episodes so often has its advantages. Though seven showings is a bit much, at least ABC is doing what they can to make sure as many people see the show as possible. I wish Fox had done the same with Firefly.

  17. Does anyone else find it strange that just as the takeover talks between Jobs and Palmisano break down an evil looking goat shows up on Apple’s campus?

    Coincedence? I think not.

    The on esilver lining is that it adds new meaning when Jobs says to Ive: “you get my goat!”

  18. Invisible Evil Boys' Choir says:

    AH! AH! AH! AH!

    AH! AH! AH! AH!

    AH! AH! AH! AH!

    AH! AH! AH! AH!

    AH! AH! AH! AH!

    AH! AH! AH! AH!

    AH! AH! AH! AH!

  19. Dwartz Farquhartz says:

    yeah, about that AppleWorks 7 thing…

    Ya think you could make macros work again, fer chrissakes?

    (walks off grumbling)

  20. Dwartz Farquhartz says:

    Umm, that question was directed to Apple, not anyone here.

    Unless someone here has hacked AW6 into allowing macros to work…

    Sorry.

  21. Abe Linconlogski says:

    Note to Howard the dog:

    Less Flash, more Red Eye Reduction.

  22. MacStansbury says:

    The thing about what ABC does takes me back to last night…every commercial was about that Flight of the Phoenix movie. If you were interested in that movie, then you might like it. If you were there to watch Lost and not the commercials, you might not like it.

    It’s the reason people got angry about the Terrell Owens thing before the Monday Night Football. People tune in to see a football game, not ANOTHER advertisement for Desperate Housewives. They want to see sweaty fat guys pounding the crap out of each other, not Jason Taylor being hit in the face with a pie.

    One of the reasons that the new deal with ABC for MNF is taking so long is that the ESPN deal is part of it. Many owners are sick of using NFL broadcasts to hype Disney properties.

    But that’s just me ranting about ABC. To rant about Fox, I have an easier time. They have no clue what they are doing. Firefly, Fast Lane, Futurama, Family Guy (which I hated, but hey), and there’s got to be more that I’m missing. Blame Fox.

  23. CTHULHU says:

    I’M JUST LOANING STEVE ONE OF MY MY DEMON-GOATS TO KEEP THE STAFF ON THEIR TOES! DON’T TELL HIM, BUT AFTER HE’S THROUGH WITH IT THERE’LL BE BBQ!!

    MMMM, DEMON-GOAT!!!

  24. Bellidancer says:

    CTHULHU, I hope the demon-goat tastes better than it intimidates. Seriously, look at those photos. No one is running away. No one is screaming in horror.

    Maybe its just the times. What with shows like Buffy and Angel and movies like Hell-boy ( was that you? third from the right in the alternate universe?) people just aren’t not freaked by the weird anymore. Did you read about the rock musician and his wife who having themselves surgically modified to be non gendered replicas of each other? Have you seen photos of people who have had hundreds of piercings and surgical mods?

    Sorry CTHULHU, red glowing eyes and horns just aren’t enough any more to scare people. Have you giving any thought to a demon with a perpetually running nose who continually sneezes on people or wipes his nose on his hand and tries to shake hands?

  25. UhhhDude says:

    Damn it! Missed my chance for fame!

    I flubbed my audition for the Invisible Evil Boy’s Choir…

    AH! HA! AH! HA!

    AH! HA! AH! HA!

    AH! HA! AH! HA!

    AH! HA! AH! HA!

    See what I mean? Flubbed it.

  26. MacStansbury says:

    reminds me of a joke I heard once:

    How do you get to Madison Square Garden?

    Practice!

    ok, so maybe that wasn’t the real joke, but I can’t concentrate with the weird goat all over the place. frick’n goats

  27. Robman says:

    That was Baaaa aaa aaa aaa ddddd ass-funny!

  28. Winky 4x4 Turbo XL says:

    You know what’s really evil?

    Lunchables.

  29. GLAARKU says:

    I’M BRINGING DEMON-GOAT’S MILK CHEESE AND SOME EVIL WATER CRACKERS WITH EVIL PEPPER!!!

    CARS, NOW WITH 27% MORE EVIL! ASK FOR IT BY NAME.

  30. GLAARKU says:

    I INVENTED LUNCHABLES… SORRY ABOUT THAT. JUST DOING MY JOB. I ALSO INVENTED CHEDDAR “STRING” CHEESE. PRETTY DAMN EVIL, HUH? I MEAN, HOW THE HELL ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO PULL THE STRINGS OUT OF THAT?! MOZZARELLA WAS A MUCH BETTER IDEA, BUT HEY, I’M EVIL. OH, I’M ALSO RESPONSIBLE FOR THE TV SHOW THE VIEW. SORRY.

    ALL HAIL GLAARKU!

  31. MacStansbury says:

    is it wrong to like Lunchibles? I mean, a whole meal, all in one package? why nobody ever thought of a container with all the makings of one meal before just amazes me.

  32. Leibnitz, N. says:

    Wow.

    One whole meal in a single package.

    Wish we had thought of that in the ’50s. Would have been real nice while watching that new-fangled TV thing.

    Course it would be pretty hard to fit any decent sized Triceratops in that little plastic tray…

  33. me says:

    the joke was carnegie hall

  34. me again says:

    or was it 2 jews walk into a bar

  35. me yet again says:

    i think it was something about the irish

  36. me for the last time today says:

    why do they always pick on the irish ?

  37. Anonymous says:

    That goat may be evil-looking, but can it talk? If so, someone should throw a football at it, or maybe take it on a roller-coaster, or take it to a reggae festival and put it on the mosh-pit. Just don’t forget to tie it back up to the truck, or the old man will be pissed.

  38. Steve Jobs says:

    Appleworks 7????

    I told him to do an OS X version of Hypercard!

    Now where is that sharp stick…

  39. Anonymous says:

    hm… longhorn… evil

    must be M$ trying to make it more user friendly– or just flat out copy apple

  40. madogdidit says:

    She ate the built-in radio project for 5th gen iPod 🙁