Happy Anniversary!

Hard to believe, but it’s been three years to the day that the first Crazy Apple Rumors Site post went up!

Today is our third anniversary!

Yes, three… long… long years.

Three years… gone. Poof. Like that.

I’m sorry, but you know how you always envisioned the future as a kid and everyone was all wearing jet packs and eating Space Food Sticks and your best friend was a robot and you went on cool adventures and there was the drunk engineer who was the comic relief and then some sultry but still kind of girl-next-door babe in a tight leotard who was your girlfriend and stuff?


This is totally like that!

Oh, man, I don’t know what you’ve heard about the Apple rumor business but it is a non-stop thrill ride of epic proportions! Like, last week, Howard and I broke into Apple in an ultimately vain attempt to get pictures of the new flash-based iPod. Oh, man, it was like Ocean’s 12.

Except there were only two of us.

And he’s a dog.

And, truth be told, we didn’t technically “break into Apple”. We got wrestled to the ground in the parking lot by some rent-a-cops and then had to give them our names and they called my parents who came to pick us up. But still… it was kind of a bad-assed, you know… um… brush with the law.

Well, OK, not technically the law, but these guys could have called the law and then it would have been.

Oh! Here’s a better example. The Entity introduced me to some space aliens the other day. Yep. Just like that. Totally out of the blue. I have no idea what they were doing in the office, despite the fact that I’ve asked him about a zillion times to bring this up before hand because many of them have special dietary and atmospheric needs.

It’s hard to get 3,000 cubic meters of a gaseous ammonium/methane mix on short notice.

But meeting these alien creatures totally didn’t faze me. I just shook one of their many hands and said it was a pleasure to meet them. No big deal. That’s how much I’ve grown as a person over the last three years.

You know… thinking about it now… I hope that was a hand.

There was an uncomfortable silence for a second there. And they did seem to really like me after that. That one was following me around for hours.

The Entity is himself, of course, an extra-terrestrial, but after three years it’s hard to think of him like that anymore. He’s just… the Entity.

You know, like, when you were growing up and there was that one kid in class who had been in a commercial and you thought it would be totally cool to be his friend ’cause he could introduce you to William Shatner and you’d get a part on Star Trek and get to play with all the props and stuff and then you find out that the kid is really just this sort of sad figure that his parents are living through and eventually you blow him off because he’s kind of a downer to be around?

Which, of course, probably didn’t help him any.

Man, why do you always have to be like that? You are so shallow.

Anyway, it’s no biggy being around the Entity anymore.

Except for all the static electricity. I could live without that. I’m on my third PowerBook in about six weeks.

But, all in all, the past three years have been a blast!

Which makes it so painful for me to announce that…

CARS is closing its doors and ceasing publication effective immediately!

Nah, I’m just kidding. As a matter of fact, our empire is growing. If you pick up the January edition of Macworld you’ll find us in the Mac Beat section and in an ongoing presence on the back page handling the “What’s Hot” section.

So, if you don’t count the impending Cyber-Apocalypse and the threat of imminent invasion from Tentaculous, the giant octopus-like creature at the center of the galaxy, things couldn’t be better for the staff at Crazy Apple Rumors Site!

Thanks for reading!

But enough about us. Let’s talk about you.

I hear your grades have been falling and you’ve been acting sullen and detached. What’s that all about?

64 thoughts on “Happy Anniversary!”

  1. Nice one peeps, only came over here after the April 1st tomfoolery but haven’t missed a day since.

    “Crazy Apple Rumors – not banned at work like ATAT”

  2. Bellidancer I pooh pooh at your peace through linkage fairy world of pixies, elves and other imaginary fairy creatures.

    I will continue to link to every other page on the net EXCEPT CARS!!

    Why can’t you be more like those lovely people over at 13idol whose tagline is;

    “In a world without walls or fences, what use do we have for Windows or Gates?”

    Haha..haha..ha…cracks me everytime…See Windows is Microsoft Windows and Gates is Bill Gates. How clever is that?

    Now that’s some real reporting without the snidey pants down drunkery that goes on over here!!

    And anyway it’s too late to call of Tony the Ant.

  3. http://www.crazyapplerumors.com/cgi-bin/mt/first-post.cgi?entry_id=230

    Your pants are in the Mega Post. We’ve been keeping them for you in case you got tired of your Mini Skirt. Though it really is quite fetching.

    Also Moltz if I could get those pamphlets on making ninja zombie demon creatures that would be great. I started making some this weekend and well.. the results aren’t pretty. Their running around the Mega Post right now causing all sorts of Havoc. (Though I think one did pull Bill out of the Sarlaac pit so i guess it’s not all bad.)

    Am I supposed to start with Ninja’s, zombies, or Demons? I’ve got a bunch of each but every time I try to put them together (using glue, sewing them together, clamps, etc.) they just get all confused and try running in different directions. It’s pretty funny, but I don’t know how they are going to protect me from the Cyber-Apocalypse.

  4. Happy Anniversary Honey.

    Sorry, I didn’t get you anything. I just… forgot. See, it’s been really busy at work and….

    Anyway. Let’s go to dinner tonight. Wear something special.

  5. Happy Anniversary Honey.

    Sorry, I didn’t get you anything. I just… forgot. See, it’s been really busy at work and….

    Anyway. Let’s go to dinner tonight. Wear something special.

  6. Happy Birthday! No, wait, that was Frosty the Snowman that my daughter has now watched 35 times in the last week. Really, Congratulations on your third year doing CARS! It is no small feat keeping something going that long, especially if it really doesn’t pay all the bills, or that it attracts mooche…I mean ‘friends’ that hang out and eat all your food except for the Entity (does he/she/it create energy like the Silver Surfer and absorb it??). And you even put up with reading losers comments that drag out on and on seemingly with no end or purpose (gradually fades out audibly as you walk away)….

  7. I’ll just say: you guys rule!

    Thanks for 3 years of chuckles at my job.

    Sexbots forever!!!!

  8. ALL HAIL CARS!!!!!

    Actually, I’m surprised that no one has reported getting their pubic hair caught in the fan and cooling works underneath the crappy Dell laptops.

    Well, surprised is not a good word to use there… perhaps what I mean is suspicious…

  9. Hey,

    Don’t you ever quit talking about the Cyber Apocalypse.

    Know you nothing?

    My Apocalypse is waiting for your stinking Cyber Apocalypse to happpen. I cannot wreak my evil will on the measly inahbitants of your puny earth until the computers take over and turn everyone into Wal Mart associates.

    Once that evil plan is in place (What, you think Wal Mart execs would use RFID tags on their own? Bwahahahahah!!!!) to enslave the world in minimum wage jobs (my current key lackey – Shrub – is working on dropping the minimum wage to more reasonable levels – an evil demon has his financial needs as well you know!) then the world will be ripe for the taking!

    Well, they’re ripe alredy, but you know I meant it in a metaphorical way, right? You don’t? Sheesh, you’d think schools nowadays would not be worse than what I’ve planned for earth’s minions!

    Okay, so, let’s get back on trace. Cyber Apocalypse, release of Longhor and then the true Apocalyps of Armageddon! And it has to happen fast. The governator isn’t going to be in office forever you know!

    Sorry, I’m just being anal there. You take your time, eternity in the nether regions (no, not up your nether parts – the firely pits of sulpherous molten lava!) isn’t going to be any shorter, no longer how long it takes to get you here.


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