Stream of Consciousness Editorial Looks at WWDC

OS X on Intel.

OS X on PowerPC.

OS X on rye.

Fried chicken with OS X on the side, slaw and a biscuit. $4.95.

These topics and many other were covered at last week’s Worldwide Developers Conference where Phil Schiller was heard to remark “Damn, these peaches are good!”

But that did little to mollify hordes of angry developers, let alone hordes of angry Huns. And that is just what you should do with a horde of angry Huns: leave them alone. Soon enough they’ll lose interest and go back to quietly making sausages in the Hungarian forests.

Unswayed, however, Apple issued a call later in the day to all straight developers who have ever been referred to by homosexual developers as “farm fresh.” The company may be planning a new series of Switcher ads targeted at homosexual Windows developers, looking to entice them into developing for the Mac with farm fresh forbidden fruit.

Say that ten times fast.

But let’s spend a few moments on a more serious topic. Do you ever feel sorry for the woman in the Vagisil ad who has to jog through the park while the words “Itching” and “Odor” float over her? I know I do.

Your average Hun doesn’t however.

Returning to Apple developers – who we last left in abject shock at the prospect of re-writing billions upon billions of lines of code in order to comply with Steve Jobs’ wishes that all Mac applications be re-written in Visual MacStandard Basic on a Performa 6400 – who’s to say when they showered last? I mean… look at them.

Talk about itching and odor.

Go ahead. Talk about them. I’ll wait a few minutes.



Well… will you be done soon? I didn’t realize you’d have so much to say about itching and odor.

Who, by the way, are cops. Itching is the older, experienced cop who’s just two weeks away from retirement. Odor’s the young hothead who doesn’t follow the rules. Can they live in a small, unfurnished apartment together, just one flight up from a trio of bisexual stewardesses who’ve sworn a vow of celibacy in honor of Saint Trixy, Patron Saint of Small Packages of Pretzels?

Only time will tell. Time and producer Aaron Sorkin, who’s optioned the Itching and Odor story for a fall prime-time situ-drama-comedy.

The same Aaron Sorkin who will one day find the letter “edisnI letnI” (“Intel Inside” backward) burned onto his pasty white thigh after peeling his PowerBook off his leg.

The irony is bitter.

As is squeezing a lemon straight into your mouth.