Think Secret reports that Apple has sent out invitations to a September 7th event that is expected to feature the release of iTunes-enabled cell phones from Motorola.
But Think Secret, as usual, only gets half the story (shit, do we have to do everything?).
According to Crazy Apple Rumors Site sources who spoke on exclusive background under the condition of “double-secret” anonymity with “no takebacks”, the phones will come with a wrist strap… standard.
On all models.
Sources indicate that while the phones will come from Motorola, Apple insisted on the strap and designed it itself.
“Apple has done it again,” said David Pogue of the New York Times. “The added ability to loosely connect the iPhone to your wrist makes it virtually almost sort of impossible to lose.
“Unless you have small hands. Then it’ll just slide right off. But Apple can’t be held responsible for not making their products to the specifications of certain small-handed freaks.”
Pogue then launched into a 30-minute tirade on the many benefits of eugenics and left CARS reporters with a pamphlet entitled “How Small-Handed Sub-Humans Plan To Steal Our Bodily Nutrients and Our Way Of Life.”
Once the iPhone strap is proved a success, sources say, it may be added to other products, such as the iPod, PowerBooks, and even the Xserve, for the system administrator on-the-go.
“This could be a boon for enterprise environments where security is a major concern,” Pogue said.
“Small-handed agents of godless anarchy are hell-bent on bringing the engines of our economy to a grinding halt by stealing enterprise servers. If system administrators were able to be connected to their servers by a thin nylon strap, they could defeat these filthy miscreants with tiny appendages.”
Pogue spent the next 45 minutes giving an expletive-laden discourse on his feelings about how small-handed men are seeking to mate with our noble and chaste normal-handed women.