Apple Developers Not Taking Trojan Seriously.

In a disturbing sign that Apple faces an uphill battle should OS X be attacked by a more malicious virus, sources indicate that OS X developers at the company are not taking the Oompa-Loompa Trojan seriously.

In fact, Apple developers’ main reaction so far has been to laugh almost uncontrollably at the mere mention of the word “Trojan”. The unfortunate choice of the name “Oompa-Loompa” as a descriptor for this Trojan has only exacerbated the situation.

“Ha-ha!” said developer Chad Latham. “Oompa-Loompa Trojan! That is classic! Heh-heh. Little tiny Trojan. Heh-heh-heh.”

Latham and fellow developer Rob Gregory then did that annoying fingertips-only handshake.

No amount of chastising by senior management has corralled Apple’s juvenile developers.

“Look, I know that the name of this particular kind of malicious application is the same as a condom brand name,” Chief Software Technology Officer Avie Tevanian said.

“Wait… what’s a kind of condom?” a snickering Gregory asked.

“Uh… a Trojan,” Tevanian said.

Latham and Gregory burst out laughing.

“Ha-ha! Oh, man, you totally got him to say it!” Latham said.

“Ha-ha-ha!” Gregory laughed. “I know!

Later, a frustrated Tevanian sought to enlist CEO Steve Jobs’ assistance.

“I just don’t know what to do with them, Steve,” Tevanian said. “They won’t take this seriously.”

“They won’t take what seriously?” Jobs asked.

“This Trojan.”

“Ha-ha-ha!” Jobs laughed, doubling over. “Oh, man! Ah-ha-ha! Ha-ha! Ahhh, I got you to say it! Ah-heh. Heh-heh.”

Seeing Tevanian’s deadpan reaction, Jobs regained his composure.

“I’m sorry. It’s… um… it’s not funny. Got a problem. With that… that… thing.”

Apple may bring in a high school guidance biology teacher to talk to its developers.

66 thoughts on “Apple Developers Not Taking Trojan Seriously.”

  1. Top 100 Fact for Mr. T

    [Several huge posts deleted. Sorry, Tim. Off-topic copy/paste might cut it around post 38, but not up here. – The Management.]

  2. I found Crazy Apple Rumors!!! I’ve been clicking the old rss feed link repeatedly for about 2 weeks now and I’ve been getting no love. Thanks for telling me everyone. But you couldn’t hide from me forever, no sir. I have a lot of old articles to catch up on now. But the comments seem to have been vandalized by some timmayyy character.

  3. sorry guys, I was watching American Idol, and i forgot to check this website at 9:00…my bad, maybe yall see me tomorrow

    vote Taylor Hicks

  4. this is communism big brother, the exact opposite of what Apple wanted in 1984, this ain’t no Apple site.

    you shut the people but aite

  5. Tim, you’re not banned, you’re just moderated.

    Oh, and you seem to be mistaking this for a democracy.

    It’s not.

  6. Oh, yeah, by the way, on that one that we just deleted… it’s “commie.”


    Not “commy.”

  7. oompa loompa doompa dee doo,
    I’ve got another virus for you
    oompa loompa doompa da dee,
    if you are wise you’ll listen to me.

    what do you get when you browse as admin?
    a kick in the groin and a punch to the chin!
    what happens when you check ‘open “safe” files’?
    who is it then who smiles?

    the Symantec accountants!

    oompa loompa doompa dee da,
    turn off the net and you will go far.
    get your porn from cable TV,
    like the oopma loompas doompa do dee!

  8. And one more thing. I believe you’re confusing communism – which is an economic system – with totalitarianism – which is a political system. It’s perfectly possible to have a communist democracy.

    CARS happens to be a capitalist totalitarianism, however.

  9. Aah, a visit from Willy, the Poet Laureate of the chocolate factory!

    If like you I had the time, I too would make a rhyme.

  10. That’s a bunch of bull-you-know-what! I’ll bet that Steve has got an entire division working on nothing but a secret virus wiper-outer thing. I mean, jeez, why isn’t the Mac anti-virus software flying off the shelves?!!1! WTF?! Why does my OS get the fuzzy end of the virus-pop? 🙁

  11. I’ve been trying to catch theis *snicker* trojan all day and I just can’t seem to find it. There really really should be a url for people who want download viruses onto their computer. I mean, I haven’t dumped my hard drive once since I started using Mac; I’m getting bored.

    Maybe I should smash something. Like, with a rock.

  12. hey yo, my bad on that communism democracy thing, I should know the difference. Thanks on clarifying that for me.

    And Chuck Norris never uses spellcheck. If he ever makes a mistake, the Oxford dictionary changes their word.

  13. Since Moltz is talking about communism: we need cities named after Steve Jobs, statues and streets, as well as a huge crowds doing syncroneous movements in adulation. By the way, Moltzy: if communism was only an economic theory, the guys in the gulag were what, Enron crooks?

  14. Dear Steve’s Pal. I think it follows that if gulags were symptoms of communism then Guantanamo Bay is a symptom of capitalism. Not so sure that works…

  15. OK, I done it. I had a friend at GCHQ find out where this annoying little fuck witt lives, went round there and smashed his freakin brains out with the nearest thing to hand, which happend to be an old ‘Speak & Spell’ on his desk which he’d somehow managed to install a really early build of Linux on (he was quite a smart little bugger, untill I de-brained him MUWAH HA HA HA HA!).

    So! there should be no more postings from the ubiquitous little prick because he’s dead. The only way he could ever bother us again would be if he’s somekind of un-killable demon spector from hell, and if thats the case then we’re buggered quite frankly.

  16. Well…
    as a Zombie myself,
    I can assure
    Mr T. M. is not one of us.
    We’re far more elegant!

    Bloody Hell!

    And, one more thing,
    even if this damn thing’s getting a little far,
    do not make any confusion
    between communism and soviet system…

  17. Indeedily-doo. I think Tom tried to make the point, but the gulags in the Soviet Union were an effect of anti-democratic totalitarian policies that repressed all parties and thought but that of the Communist Party. They weren’t caused by state ownership of all the means of production.

    I’m not trying to defend communism. We wouldn’t have Apple if we had a communist system. And I need me some video iPod. I’m just trying to draw the distinction between economic and political systems.

  18. is there any way to get the old theme back through css or something else? the new one is not to my liking and also doesn’t display probably in camino.

  19. Not the old theme per se, but we’re working on another getting the theme switcher up and a theme with just one side column.

  20. Looks good in Shiira. I miss the Entity graphic next to the title. Good thing the favicon is still there.

  21. I planned a long post on communism and political vs economic systems but my attention was terminally disrupted by ipod-stealing girlfriend. I’m from that part of europe, btw.

  22. There was that article in wired on how steve jobs is cool but only that, while bill gates is a dork but gives scores of money to relevant causes. That true?

  23. Wow. This is quite a significant post.
    Tim Ma has been restrained.
    Moltz has posted more than anyone else.
    There is an intelligent conversation about politics (and economics) in the comments.

    On CARS.

    Who would have thought?

Comments are closed.