FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE: Crazy Apple Rumors Site and a consortium of other Apple rumor sites announce today that they are suing Linksys for restraint of trade over the company’s announcement of its new iPhone line of consumer handsets.
“Linksys, in delivering a product with the same name as a widely rumored Apple product, has severely damaged our ability to do business,” said Think Secret’s Nick dePlume.
“Apart from the difficulty in having to clarify that the iPhone we are talking about is not the Linksys iPhone but the widely rumored Apple iPhone, Linksys’ announcement severely damages our credibility by making it appear as if we could have gotten the entire thing wrong.
“Which we may have. I mean, I don’t speak Chinese, for chrissake. Have you tried working with Chinese sources? There’s the language and the time difference and the source building sessions where you have to eat things like chicken feet.
“It’s hard. It’s not like the old days when Apple sources would just walk up to you on the street and hand you a wad of confidential documents.
“Stupid Steve Jobs.”
The consortium is seeking an immediate injunction on the use of the iPhone name and $1.4 billion damages from Linksys.
“That probably sounds like a lot,” said Apple Insider’s Kasper Jade. “But remember that this comes as we’re entering the busy time of year for us – the time leading up to Macworld San Francisco – so the damage is particularly bad. Plus we have a lot of Christmas bills we need to pay off.
“And I’m getting sick of this stupid business and I’d really just like to cash out.”
Crazy Apple Rumors Site editor John Moltz said the consortium might be willing to settle out of court for a lesser amount if Linksys executives agreed to admit that they were “great big poopy heads who smell like the feet of indigent Finnish day laborers.”
“We don’t really get anything out of that,” Moltz said. “I just think it’d be funny.”