The first follow-up product to the not-yet-shipping iPhone was announced in a surprise special Apple presentation today in Cupertino.
“The iDream will provide 1000 hours of full-motion, 7.1 Dolby surround dreams with the quality you expect from Apple, Pixar, and Disney,” CEO Steve Jobs said.
Furthering their success in making Mac OS X into an embedded operating system that can run a mobile phone, a wireless base station, and a media translation system, iDream ports the OS X into neurochemical structures in the human nervous system that mimic computer processors.
“With iDream, we have fulfilled our vision of bringing the best experience, with 7.1 Dolby surround sound, to the true center of our digital lives: the brain,” said Jobs.
Jobs detailed his long-held belief that the human brain provides a substandard user experience and that Apple was uniquely positioned to take a leadership position in this highly fractured market.
“Each person has his own unique human experience,” Jobs noted. “That’s incredibly inefficient.”
He then closed his eyes for 10 seconds, opened them, and said, “Boom. There. I was just in Maui with Jennifer fricking Connelly. It was awesome. And now everyone can have the same experience.”
The iDream uses the wetware capacity of the brain to store up to 75 petabytes of information using the holographic, standing-wave structure of neuronic activity. Additional storage may be obtained by using the new BUID disk format to repartition a brain to store fewer unnecessary or unwanted memories – like that time you asked Kim Karcher if she wanted to go to the 9th grade dance and she laughed so hard Crystal Pepsi came out her nose – and by using thorough compression.
Jobs mentioned the movie Johnny Mnemonic as an example of this methodology, but no one in the audience would admit to having seen it, although several shuffled uncomfortably in their seats.