You know, I’d feel bad about us not getting a post together tonight, but I know for a fact that you just come here for the comments anyway, so it’s no big deal.
Anyway, you’ve got the whole weekend ahead of you and a wad of cash in your sweaty little fist (which is all covered in Cheeto dust), so maybe you could dump a little of it on one of our fine advertisers.
There’s Rogue Amoeba. They make good stuff. Although Kafasis tried to kill me that one time.
Well, there’s also Delicious Monster. The things they can do with an iSight camera. Tell you what. Although Shipley did call me a… well, let’s just say he said I like to do something to dogs that I don’t. Totally. I mean… really. I don’t even know how that would work.
Anyway, that brings us to our new advertisers: Shiny White Box and Many Tricks. They also make boss software and so far neither of their CEOs has tried to kill me or accused me of being into bestiality.
Of course, we’ve only just met so…
I should probably give them some time.
…
Do you think Gruber has this kind of relationship with his advertisers?
No more iPrariedDogs, but how about a GroundCamel? I figure a groundhog can dig a pretty big hole damn quick, and a camel is much bigger and faster than a hog.
Here’s the tunnel to the Peta-Post:
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Thank goodness there’s no more iPrairieDogs. Those things were more trouble than they were worth,
Don’t even get me started on the EPA hassles…
Now this GroundCamel…
What colors do they come in, and will it work with my iFlame?
GroundCamels… hm… do they come in one hump or two hump models, I’m kinda tired, don’t think I’m up for the two humpers. Does remind me of two camel jokes though, If you’ve heard them before, please tell me and I’ll stop.
John had joined the French Foreign Legion. He had been assigned to a remote post out in the middle of the desert. After he had been there for a few weeks he asked a more veteran legionaire what they did for … well you know… its been awhile, oh! his buddy said, they bring the camels in from town the last Friday of the month. So John waited, and sure enough the last Friday of the month a large group of camels were herded in. All the legionaires started running towards the camels, John stopped his buddy and asked “What’s everybody in such a hurry for?” His friend turned to him and said, what?.. and take a chance of getting an ugly one.
Then the other one, what?, you’ve heard this before?, oh well nevermind.
I think I make the GroundCamels in Silver, Black, Red, Green, Teal, Pink and Orange. Oddly enough I can’t make them in Camel color.
The dirt will take care of that.
No Cross Tunnel.
Just got out of one of the more irascible examples and it verbally abused me continuously.
King td,
If the other camel joke is about getting them to drink more water, I haven’t heard it.
Del,
Why stop at two hump camels?
Multi hump I say.
Excellent idea Nxxx. I will begin work on the first 42 humped camel (and I don’t mean humped by 42 members of the foreign legion).
Cattle, camel, dairy, dromedary…
Whither Paris? A mess of trampled silicone? And all this humping.
I’m confused.
The worst part is we seem to have neglected Nebraska and parts of Kansas. We run the real risk of becoming irrelevant if we don’t address these issues.
That’s because we can’t spell Kneeberasker or Kensuss so we can’t write the signposts.
Dick Lexseeyer to rescue again.
Rip, I don’t think we can address Kansas, I once sent a letter to Kansas, it was returned stamped, NO SUCH ADDRESS. So, I take it from that, that Kansas does not exist. I believe it was made up for that movie/book, just like the other place from the book,…(Oz I think it was called) though Walt Disney World did have a representation of Oz on one of their rides, so maybe that’s the one that really exists.s
The one I can’t spell is North Dakota, which is sad because I have friends that live in Cape Cod. But that’s just me.
Anyway, as long as we’re connected in some way to Mickey the Rodent, I suppose everything will be okay.
Thanks for the joke kingthedestroyer. I told it at a baby shower on Friday.
Del,
Baby shower?
Take care.
You could arrested for that.
I don’t know about that Nxxx, You get a group of females together, they can get pretty raunchy. Just like the strip clubs, women behave much worse than men. Del, if you have a need, here is the other camel joke.(It’s sort of a sequel)
Mike was tranfered to another isolated French Forgein Legion post. After a few weeks with no action he asked a fellow Legionaire about having certain needs satisfied. He was told that camels were brought in on the last Saturday night of the month. So, the last Saturday came as did the camels, Mike ran into the corral and mounted this really cute camel with long eyelashes, and… got busy, his new friend came up and said, “what the hell are you doing, we ride the camels to town, that’s where the women are.”
That’s a good one also.
The best part was explaining the first joke you gave us to one of the ladies who didn’t get it 😛
ktd and RR,
Kansas exists; I should know, I married someone from there. But North Dakota? They just pay people to put ND plates on their cars and drive around.
When Christopher Columbus landed in 1492 he was not seeking Kansas, thus starting a tradition among explorers that continues still today.
Kansas is a state?
I thought Kansas was just a band?
You mean a state stole their name?
When did this happen? I know they haven’t been together for a while, but… geez…
Rubbish!
Even we Yurops know that Kansas is a city, famed for jazz and Rhythm and Blues.
The other camel/French Foreign Legion joke concerns a fort under siege. The radio and telephone are down, so the only hope is for someone to ride for help. A volunteer is called for and the new recruit does. It is explained to him that he must take his camel to the water hole and brick it. “What do you mean, brick it?” “Well a camel can only drink enough water to last seven days and help is nine days away. So when it is almost full, you smash its testicles between two bricks, the camel goes Ooooooooooh and sucks up two more days of water.” The recruit, a little concerned asks “Doesn’t it hurt?” “Only if you catch your thumb between the bricks.”
Switzerland has a Canton named Vorde. Their cars bear VD plates.
Hearing these jokes, the camels are getting restless. The Camelline Anti-Defamation League is handing out torches and the dromedaries and Bactrian camels are closing in on the Tera-Post. Even llamas and guanacos have been enlisted. But the vicunas can’t come as they’re having their hair done.
I suggest you put your spit-guards on.
Great.
I just had my Pantsâ„¢ pressed, too.
Let the camels, llamas and other restless creatures beware, with a good chew of Red Man tobacco, they will have a tough time getting away from me unscathed. (I’ve been known to be able to hit a drummer in the eye at ten paces for dropping a beat)
I hope they get here soon! I need more victims.. i mean volunteers for my new experiment.
Oooo….
Care to share the details?
I promise I won’t tell!
Huh?,
Del’s working on a Bushblair, known over here as a Cameron.
The problem is getting the combined Ethical Quota above 0.0125%. Mention this anywhere else and they’ll send the fellers round with the Polonium 210.
Well…. Since you asked so nicely I’m working on combining suggestions of kingthedestroyer and Nxxx. I’m creating a new type of dirty bomb.
I’m combining the spitting ability of all the camelids with a many hump design. Each hump will be filled to capacity with chewing tobacco. Imagine the crows control ability. No one can stand up to being completely drenched in foul camel spit-chewing tabacco mixture.
Ewww! “Foul” is right! Just don’t let them loose in the tunnels, Del!
For many years baseball players have been using tobacco to control crowds. That’s what kept me from running onto the fields.
Oh, by the way, 1200!!!!
whoa.
That’s just scary, Del.
White flag from this side of the pond, Del.
Could you substitute bubble gum for chewing tobacco as we have an enclosed place smoking ban from July 1st?
1202???? Is that or is that not palindromic? Well Fibonacci possibly? Failed again.
Ahh, the smell of coffee in the morning…
Wait! That’s not coffee, it’s dihydrogen monoxide. And it’s supposed to be odorless. Must’ve gone bad. Gotta check those expiration dates.
I’m seeing if I can switch the camels to chewing gum. I’ll let you know how that works out.
Ace, watch out for dihydrogen monoxide. We have had such a problem with it around here. (Falling from the sky, covering the ground filling up every depression and hole) Probably need to call a hazardous materials unit to take care of it.Ä
yadda.
Ace,
Would you stop sending your unwanted dihydrogen monoxide over here as we already have an excess of it. Whatever you do, do NOT move the bihydrogen monoxide variant this way either, it makes the sexbots uncontrollable.
Sorry, it’s just nasty stuff. The crystalline form has invaded my refrigerator–now I’ve got to throw it out and get a new one.
Also, some has found its way into the Clackamas River near here and several locals have died from it. Someone needs to find out where it’s coming from and bring charges against those culpable.
Ace,
You’ve given my fridge/freezer the wrong idea, I’ve got crystalline formations too.
YaY lolcats in the main post.
Makes me happy 🙂
Del, knot u 2, cey it isn’t sew.
Ace, dihydrogen monoxide has been found on the moon in its crystaline form, and many suspect that that it once covered much of the surface of Mars. Now look at them both, dead, totally devoid of life. I believe it’s an alien conspiracy. Where is Muldar when you need him. The aliens probably got rid of him too.
Like they set fire to the Smoking Man?
Or on this side of the Pond, the Non Smoking Man.
Del,
You are being outclassed. No need for all this genetic engineering. In Germany, a squirrel, not sure if red or grey, attacked three people before being despatched with a crutch.
It is now a matter of Tera-Post pride or shock and awe.
I told that damn squirrel to take an iFlame with him, but noooo iFlames are for sissys. A real man/squirrel can take out people without tools.
I guess that will teach him.. oh wait he’s dead I guess that won’t teach him.
The aliens probably used an iFlame to fry the Smoking Man,(Non Smoking Man for Nxxx),
Del, I wouldn’t trust an iFlame to a squirrel, would probaly try to roast his nuts with it. (would either leave him homeless or sterile… possibly both)
So if the squirrel’s name is Chester, would that mean Chester’s nuts are roasting on an open fire and Jack Frost is nipping at your nose?
You’ve done it now Del, I’ll be trying to play that on sax tomorrow practice period.
Wish i hadn’t mentioned Meistersquirrel.
I like Del’s genetic engineering.
The results are usually quite tasty. Just set your iFlame to ‘bake’, and voila!
Just watch for the bones…