Nothing. Nadda. Zip. Zilch.

You know, I’d feel bad about us not getting a post together tonight, but I know for a fact that you just come here for the comments anyway, so it’s no big deal.

Anyway, you’ve got the whole weekend ahead of you and a wad of cash in your sweaty little fist (which is all covered in Cheeto dust), so maybe you could dump a little of it on one of our fine advertisers.

There’s Rogue Amoeba. They make good stuff. Although Kafasis tried to kill me that one time.

Well, there’s also Delicious Monster. The things they can do with an iSight camera. Tell you what. Although Shipley did call me a… well, let’s just say he said I like to do something to dogs that I don’t. Totally. I mean… really. I don’t even know how that would work.

Anyway, that brings us to our new advertisers: Shiny White Box and Many Tricks. They also make boss software and so far neither of their CEOs has tried to kill me or accused me of being into bestiality.

Of course, we’ve only just met so…

I should probably give them some time.

…

Do you think Gruber has this kind of relationship with his advertisers?

2,949 thoughts on “Nothing. Nadda. Zip. Zilch.”

  6. Fortune cookie ads make sense, but why no bagel ads? There are enough mentions on this page I’d think. Must be the work of the greater donut conspiracy.

    (all together now)

    Mmmmmmm, donuts…

  9. All… lists… inverted… everywhere!!?

    Scotty… need… more… power!

    But Cap’n, I canna change the laws of physics!

    Then screw it! We’ve got artificial gravity–who’s going to notice we’re flying upside-down?!!

  11. Maybe it’s not broke… maybe John is coming back…. it could be one of the signs…..evil goat Bar-B-Q…. broken post pages made whole…iPrariedogs forming a Union with iBadgers… the tunnels filling up with everclear… wait thats not everclear, damn somebody was supposed to get that septic tank pumped!!!
    It’s BROKE!

  13. You’re right Ace. It’s just jumped on my shoulder and AAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH

  16. On fortune cookies, my favorites:

    “That wasn’t chicken.”

    “Psychics will lead bloodhounds to your body.”

    “All of your hard work will not pay off.”

    “Happiness and success will elude you.”

    “Your stupidity is legendary.”

    “Appearances can be deceiving, but you aren’t fooling anyone.”

    “You have achieved your personal pinnacle of mediocrity.”

  17. Nice, uplifting collection, Rip.

    The most succinct one I received simply said “Duck!” I wasn’t sure if it was an entree recommendation or a warning, so I ducked just in case.

  18. We don’t have fortune cookies, any chance of Fortune Cookie Aid to Europe?

  20. The important thing is that they are Fortunes, that is to say, Predictions. Too many are mere homilies. My example above fails this test. “Only the bagel has the correct aspect-ratio” is an observation at best, whereas “An attempt will be made by another to use your toothbrush” is clearly a prediction.

  21. Understood.
    Can we have Fortune Cookie Aid to Europe without the toothbrush predictions?

  22. Since they don’t use toothbrushes over there, it might be possible. We’ll have to come up with a substitute. “An attempt will be made by another to use your teapot”, does that work?

  24. Let’s try some…
    An Evil Goat looms ominously in your future
    If you raised your offer by $5,000,000,000.42 it would have worked
    Ballmer is using your water pic right now
    Your lucky numbers are π, √2, #, Ω, ø and 42
    Don’t eat this cookie, just read the fortune
    Aren’t you dead already

  25. I got a fortune cookie on Sunday that said, “Someone is watching you from a far”. I’m trying to decide if that means I have a stalker or the fbi has found my secret lair.

  27. Oddly enough, I got a fortune that was true. It said “The lottery numbers on the reverse side of this fortune will not make you rich.”

  28. Actually Del, it doesn’t have to be either/or. I’ll bet you have many stalkers plus the FBI plus the animal rights groups on your tail. Watch your back! (everybody else is…)

  29. Ain’t me Del with minus 7.5 dioptre, astigmatism and small cataract eyes.
    It is the keyboard I’m using isn’t it?

  30. Hey my animals have lots of rights. I’ve been sewing extras on to get rid of the surplus of arms and legs I’ve got hanging around.

  31. If you keep sewing arms on your animals, how will we distinguish the octopods from the decpods?

  33. To much math keeping track of the limbs. I need to sew more fingers on my hands so I can keep up. Maybe an extra thumb would also be good.

  34. Just don’t give the cats extra thumbs. They get into enough trouble as it is. Last thing I need is a cat that can operate a can opener.

  35. When cats can open food tins for themselves, they won’t need us anymore.

  36. The cans need to be made, and filled, but… with an apposeable thumbs they could get around to those things too… naw, they spend too much time licking their privates to have any left for that.ê

  37. Even without thumbs, there are many useful things cats are capable of, but they just can’t be bothered. God forbid that they wipe the cat-litter dust off their paws.

  39. If I had a dog, I would put a thumb on him a teach him to fetch beverages from the fridge.

  45. Thumbs would explain how the bunny is able to carry that basket full of eggs.

  46. Thumbwhere there is an explanation for all of this…(or is it thumbwear ie fashionable apparel for the thumbed, or is it thumbware ie highly sophisticated software for the thumbed) Don’t know… don’t care, pick one.

  47. Isn’t it, Thumbwear over the rainbow?
    This is difficult as the rainbow moves as you approach it.
    Can Del clone static rainbows?

  48. Nxxx,

    I’ll try to clone a rainbow. The first step is to beat it until it is unconscious so I can extract the DNA easier. Anyone know how to beat up a rainbow?

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