31 Oct 07Apple Faces Two New Lawsuits.

Bad news for Apple today as the company has been made the target of two new lawsuits – one over restraint of trade and one over a product defect.

In the first, Apple has been sued by the creators of the Word-A-Day calendar series over the Word of the Day screen saver in Leopard.

“Apple has basically just driven us out of business,” Artemus Johnson, president of the Word-A-Day Company said. “I have kids to feed. A mortgage. I actually have a Mac on lease! It’s not fair.

“No one’s going to buy those little tear-off calendars this Christmas! My wife is going to leave me! Aaaah!”

In a separate suit, Apple is being sued over the iPhone’s screen’s inability to stay free of finger blemishes. The primary plaintiff is one Smudgy McSmudgman, a Trenton, New Jersey businessman.

“According to my client,” said lawyer Greg Delacorte, “his iPhone is practically unreadable, as it is covered in a layer of crusty fingerprints.”

Delacorte did allow that McSmudgman does have particularly porous fingers and a penchant for eating sticky sweets while reading the Sunday newspaper.

“I probably shouldn’t tell you this,” Delacorte said, “but the court documents are also a mess.”

“We’re confident that we will prevail in court,” said Apple general counsel Daniel Cooperman. “Our sources indicate that McSmudgman is incapable of refraining from noisily eating fudge with his bare hands in the courtroom. That won’t look good in front of a jury.”

Apple stock went down, then up, then down and then up again on the news.

23 Responses to “Apple Faces Two New Lawsuits.”

  1. Ace Deuce says:

    Smudgy is an old friend of mine. He just needs a squirt of Simple Green and he’ll be as good as new.

  2. CB says:

    3, tree, three, tres, tois.

  3. Ace Deuce says:

    He’s just grumpy because the guys in IT told him to do a clean install and he couldn’t.

  4. YourMedic says:

    My mood went down, then up , then down, then up again as I read this.

  5. CB says:

    A layer of crusty fingerprints is a good thing – the glass won’t break if iPhone falls on floor.

  6. Don of Doom says:

    It’s scary when you start looking throough the posting for a link to a real story. So you actually made this up yourself John? Bravo!

  7. Nxxx says:

    With fingers like that, who needs Post it notes.

  8. digitalcowboy says:

    Top ten! Yeah, baby!

    Suck it… uhh… higher numbered comment people!

  9. !!
    ‘leven
    woohooo onze!

  10. Streetrabbit says:

    Boy, I’ll bet schadenfreude (dictionary.com Word of The Day, May 10th 2000) comes up often on that screen saver.

    That Jobs guy’s just nasty!

    Oh and “Apple general counsel” made me think of Nancy. Just when I thought I was over her.

  11. Apple Lopsider says:

    Read this one while eating food:

    The McSmudgman suit is now class action, so anyone affected by this issue can get in on the action. I know “my friend”, a clinically diagnosed compulsive nose-picker and snot-smearer, has had a similar issue with his iPhone, which is currently blurry and caked in a protective case he made himself.

  12. felipe says:

    I guess I will be suing Apple as well…
    My version of Leopard didn’t come with a pony, as promised by Apple!!!
    I mean, they never directly promised, but I guess it was implied that upgraders would get free ponys!!
    I even got a pony from MS when I upgraded from XP to Vista….

  13. J0n says:

    Yeah, but a dead pony that’s been left out in the sun for several days isn’t exactly something to cheer about.

  14. Ahnyer Keester says:

    I really have no comments except that “Smudgy McSmudgman” is my real name and so I’m suing CARS, if I can get a set of court papers that aren’t so badly smudged.

  15. Ahnyer Keester says:

    felipe, what you got from MS when you upgraded to Vista is not a pony but what comes out of a pony.

  16. Doc W0lfram says:

    Great research, Del!

    Oh, and neunzehn!

  17. peter says:

    Zwanzig, zwanzig, zwanzig!!! Come and get your nice crispy zwanzig right here!

  18. MORE TO COME:
    iPhone Contains Cyanide! Bromide! Formaldahyde! RAW SEWAGE! –Handle carefully!
    Our friends at GreenPeace have once again outed Apple as a “toxic polluter of note”!
    … and where is their pollution? In you pocket! That’s right, right there! If you are one of the rubes who was unfortunate enough to buy one of these DeathPhones that is!

    Missed call: the iPhone’s hazardous chemicals
    The concerned citizens at GreenPeace ask:
    “When will promises of a greener Apple bear fruit?”

    See the complete report here!

    As a concerned citizen, a father, a member of Mankind! I implore Apple to stop the ravaging of our planet, the fish kills, the species endangering, the wanton disregard for the health and welfare of our families, Just for a phone! A stupid phone with bodily fluids smeared all over it from all that unsanitary “touching”!
    …”We recomend that you wrap it in recycled paper, put it outside, then call your counties’ Hazmat team!”

    Join with our friends at GreenPeace, stop Steve Jobs! stop Steve Jobs! stop Steve Jobs! C’mon! stop Steve Jobs! stop Steve Jobs! stop Steve Jobs! C’mon! stop Steve Jobs! stop Steve Jobs! stop Steve Jobs! stop Steve Jobs! ….

    Be Earth-Friendly, buy a Zune or the soon coming ZuP

  19. FilmPhotoWeb says:

    That’s how those Apple execs make their money selling options. First they line up some fake lawsuits. The stock plunges. Then they put out press releases about fudge and cherries. The stock shoots through the ceiling. Then they sell 4 million shares at $280 per share which they were granted at a buck-twenty back in the day when MyLackey.com was a going concern with 500 employees and no products. To think I could get my groceries delivered over the Internet back then – I miss the 20th century…

  20. Apple Lopsider says:

    Bring back the late 20th century! Bring back OS 9 and Windows 98! Bring back Tomb Raider, Quake, StarCraft, and Tekken! Out with Ajax, in with ActiveX! Out with Flash, in with Shockwave! Out with Iraq, in with Rwanda! A free Tibet seemed just around the corner! The goths and emo kids were hippies and grungers! The Animaniacs and Freakazoid were still on Kids WB! Eisner was driving Disney over the cliff he’d helped it climb! The rest of the rich were driving For Explorers! Everyone else was driving Ford Tauruses and stealing Honda Accords! Napster was free!

    But: Mariah Carey was still alive.

    Is it really worth the price?

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