Author: CARS Staff

Despite the seemingly unimpeachable nature of the source, many Mac users believe that Steve Jobs’ Leopard presentation yesterday was nothing but a collection of cleverly Photoshoped images.

After a string of supposed Leopard screen shots were promulgated on the Internet prior to WWDC, many may be gun shy.

As soon as Apple posted the QuickTime stream of the WWDC keynote, Mac users noted some troubling details about the so-called “Leopard demos.”

Analyzing screen captures he had taken of Jobs’ demo of Spaces, Mac user Alex Johnson noted “There’s severe pixellation on the edge of every window. And the font kerning is all wrong.

“Here,” he said pointing at the screen with a Space Food Stick. “And here.”

“Now, sure, it could be because it’s a screen capture of an overloaded QuickTime stream. Or it could be because this is yet another phony collection of Photoshop creations intended to fool eager Mac users into thinking Apple is going to release features called ‘Time Machine’ and ‘Spaces.’

“Wake up, sheeple!” Johnson shouted.

Then he angrily took a bite of the Space Food Stick.

Other Mac users went further than Johnson and speculated that Jobs himself may be a clever Photoshopping, pointing to the pronounced edge of his outline against the screen behind him.

“But I don’t just mean in the picture,” said Carl Stoller. “I mean all the time.

“Maybe I’ve just been burned too many times by Apple screen captures, but don’t you think Steve is just a little too good to be true?”

Apple representatives stood by the veracity of the screen images shown during the keynote.

But, under closer questioning, they did admit that Phil Schiller wasn’t really on a rollercoaster in the iChat demo.

With Apple’s Worldwide Developers Conference barreling down on us like a tour bus full of booze and hookers – which, I understand, pretty much describes the evening program – it’s time for RUMOR ROUNDUP!

YEEEEEEEEEE-HAAAAAAAAW!

Let’s bring in the rumor dawgies!

In a long-overdue move, Apple will phase out the brushed metal theme and will introduce a new “cheesecake” theme. Sources indicate that menu bars will be a crunchy graham-cracker crust and the window beneath will be a smooth cream cheese.

Either that or its someone’s birthday at Apple and they’re getting an OS X-themed cake.

The sources were kind of far away and had binoculars with a really narrow field of view.

It is without doubt, however, that the company will reveal its plans for movie rental downloads from the ever increasingly misnomered iTunes Music Store. Why the company would choose a conference for developers for such an announcement is not entirely sure, but if rumors of discounted downloads of portions of the Girls Gone Wild series hosted by Snoop Dogg are true, that would explain a lot.

Programmers love Snoop Dogg.

OK, and cheap 20-year-old floozies who are willing to bare their breasts for a string of beads.

But who doesn’t like that? Other than some neglectful middle-aged daddies, I mean.

I’m sure Apple developers would really love it if the girls would lift their tops for a linked list.

Frickin’ dorks.

Finally, it is a near certainty that Apple will release some developer-related feature – possibly a Cocoa class called NSWindowToolkitMenuBarWithRetsin or something – that will be basically incomprehensible to you, the non-attendee. Somehow, however, you will find yourself discussing its implications with your Mac-using friends and opining on how it will be a boon to developers, even though it took you four hours to write an Automator script that empties the trash.

Well, those are all the rumors that we have near-confirmed or partially confirmed or somewhere near the intersection of Confirmed and Bullshit.

Well, those and the new Mac Pros.

But you don’t want to hear about that.