Category: iPhone

The Apple rumor world kicked into overdrive again today as evidence of a tantalizing new iPhone in the works was revealed.

First reported by Engadget, a chain email featuring a humorous picture of a monkey using a telephone was forwarded to someone from an Apple email address, setting off a chain reaction of speculation of an upcoming iPhone specifically designed for monkeys.

Apple Insider then picked up the news and proclaimed “Clearly this means that Apple intends to deliver a monkey-enabled version of the iPhone.”

Think Secret had a different take. “Clearly this means that everyone who buys an iPhone Pro, which is coming out next week, will get a free monkey.”

And Mac OS Rumors said “Apple will introduce crank-powered monkeys at a special event on the Apple campus tomorrow. The phone is just a red herring.”

But not everyone was as sanguine about the iPhone/monkey rumors.

“This is ridiculous,” said the iPhoneless Merlin Mann. “Someone sent someone a picture of monkey. It doesn’t mean anything!

“Besides, who’s to say the current iPhone was not designed for monkeys?

“And I think you know what I mean by that.”

In an encouraging sign that iPhone news may finally be petering out, the biggest piece of news today surrounding Apple’s new cell phone was that the company announced that it would be releasing a new iPhone bag.

Apple CEO Steve Jobs announced iPhoneBag 2.0, a follow-up to the signature iPhone launch bag.

“We heard you, Jobs said. “We know how much you liked the bag in which the iPhone came in and, bam, we’ve got a new bag, due out by late July.”

The new bag will include upgraded handle with a greater thread count in the all-cotton handles, higher-resolution printing, a glossier varnish overprinting, and sturdier paper.

“The iPhoneBag 2.0 will last you through the two-year contract required to obtain the bag,” Jobs said.

“Finally some iPhone news that I really couldn’t care less about,” said Macworld senior editor Chris Breen.

“I’ll tell you, I actually threw my bag out. I really did. Without even thinking about it.”

When pushed, Breen admitted that he threw out the bag for the second iPhone he purchased. The first he’s keeping in a pristine “mint in the bag” condition on a shelf in his office.

“This is going to be a collector’s item some day,” Breen said, somewhat defensively.

“Actually, you know what? It already is.”

But the Mac community universally welcomed the news that iPhone news just isn’t news anymore.

“OK!” exclaimed an exasperated Daniel Jalkut of Red Sweater Software. “Let’s all just go back to talking about the Macintosh because everyone already has an iPhone now. So, it’s not news!

“Eeyup. Everyone but me, that is.

“Soo, let’s just talk about the Mac. You all remember the Mac, right?”

Apple declined to comment for this story but got a blank look on its face when asked about the Mac.

In a surprise move today, Apple CEO Steve Jobs announced the release of the iPhone Pro which will be available immediately. The iPhone Pro has an expanded feature set that redefines the product line.

“We were really excited about the original iPhone, Jobs said. “It was a ground-breaking product.

“But that’s over. Today we’re pleased to introduce the iPhone Pro which offers a clear advantage over the iPhone. You’re going to want to shove those things in the back of the drawer and head down to the Apple Store to pick up one of these bad boys.”

According to Apple sources, the iPhone Pro:

• Features 80 GB of storage space and a full-featured Mail application with spam filtering and the ability to copy/paste between applications.
• Comes with an iPhone SDK and allows users to install third-party applications.
• Is unlocked and can be used with any cellular provider.
• Will be introduced at the 8 GB iPhone’s $600 price point with the price of the 8 GB model being dropped to $300 and the 4 GB model being discontinued.

Reaction in the Apple community was enthusiastic.

“What the hell?!” exclaimed an excited John Gruber of Daring Fireball. “I just bought one of those things on Friday! They can’t do that! Can they do that?

“What the hell?!”

Equally ebullient was Bynkii.com‘s John C. Welch.

“That’s just a bunch of crap! A bunch of fricking crap!” Welch cheered.

“I’ll kill Steve Jobs! I’ll kill him!

“Right after I get my iPhone Pro. I’ve gotta go line up.”

While the Friday launch of the iPhone went seemingly spectacularly, at least one disturbing incident marred Apple’s new mobile device’s day in the sun.

At the Stockton Street Apple Store, while patrons were milling about and enjoying the iPhone and the atmosphere, a distraught and clearly drunk interloper came onto the scene.

The Newton MessagePad 2100, the last Apple product in the handheld category, entered the store shortly after 8:00 PM and began shouting at patrons.

“Hey!” the Newton said. “What’s everybody doin’, huh?! You all buying something? Oooh, the big iPhone rollout!”

Approaching the iPhone, the Newton at first feigned friendliness.

“Oh, hey, buddy! Congratulations! Hey, I remember my launch so, you know, if you want to hang – heh-heh – and maybe get a beer, I can give you some pointers.”

Clearly uncomfortable, the iPhone said “Uh, well, I’ve kind of got a lot of events to go to. You understand.”

“Ooh, yeah!” the Newton said. “I totally get it. Mr. Big Shot doesn’t have time!”

As the iPhone attempted to explain itself, the Newton began to turn away but then whirled around, swinging wildly at CEO Steve Jobs’ most recent pet project. It missed and landed flat on its back.

Lying on the Apple Store floor and floundering in a drunken haze of misery, the Newton then yelled at the iPhone “Oh, what, do you think you’re better than me?! Huh?! Do you?!”

Somewhat embarrassed by the whole incident, the iPhone said “Well, uh, I do now…”

The iPhone was then hustled on to its next interview. The Newton lay on the floor until Adam Tow arrived and took it home.

Apple declined to comment about the incident, but did set up several orange cones around the spot where the Newton had laid until it could be mopped up.