Nothing. Nadda. Zip. Zilch.

You know, I’d feel bad about us not getting a post together tonight, but I know for a fact that you just come here for the comments anyway, so it’s no big deal.

Anyway, you’ve got the whole weekend ahead of you and a wad of cash in your sweaty little fist (which is all covered in Cheeto dust), so maybe you could dump a little of it on one of our fine advertisers.

There’s Rogue Amoeba. They make good stuff. Although Kafasis tried to kill me that one time.

Well, there’s also Delicious Monster. The things they can do with an iSight camera. Tell you what. Although Shipley did call me a… well, let’s just say he said I like to do something to dogs that I don’t. Totally. I mean… really. I don’t even know how that would work.

Anyway, that brings us to our new advertisers: Shiny White Box and Many Tricks. They also make boss software and so far neither of their CEOs has tried to kill me or accused me of being into bestiality.

Of course, we’ve only just met so…

I should probably give them some time.

…

Do you think Gruber has this kind of relationship with his advertisers?

2,949 thoughts on “Nothing. Nadda. Zip. Zilch.”

  4. Rip,
    That’s not 1K, Del has that. That is 1Kb, which isn’t enough to keep the hive running.

  5. I thought one KB was an Aussie Lager. A toy store in the mall? A bank in Iceland? The tenth power of two.

    I’m confused.

    Can I have a KB, please?

  6. In the US we celebrate Memorial Day, but I can never remember what we are memorializing. It has something to do with remembering something. In a respectful way. It’ll come to me eventually.

    By the way, I recommend the film “Hot Fuzz.” It shows how to keep the peace in your home town, and win civic honors as well.

  9. Memorial Day,(yesterday) the day we honor those that gave thier lives defending the U.S.(other countries may also).I certainly hope is was not a veterans cemetary Ace found dug into on the 26th, It would be bad for the tunnel business..

  10. We had a yesterday off too. Spring Bank Holiday and following tradition, it poured down. Was previously known as Whitsun alias Pentecost but they are moveable, whereas SBH is last Monday in May.
    Our memorial day is nearest Sunday to November 11th to commemorate the ending of the first World War.

    Now we have a reason for Moltz being missing.

  11. I’m thinking of mixing a cocktail in honor of something or other.

    Does anyone know if peanut butter is soluble in everclear?

  12. No, it stays in lumps, at least at the spa where I had the PB ‘n’ everclear bath. It’s much like a lava lamp with the peanut butter lumps splitting apart and rejoining endlessly like a political party coalition in India.

    The good news is that no one has ever claimed to have drowned in a vat of everclear and peanut butter.

  14. Not to be picky, Ace, but I don’t think anyone has ever claimed to have drowned in a vat of anything.

    (I think it has something to do with “drowned” preceding “claimed”.)

  15. I back from vacation!!!!!

    Hey why isn’t this place burned down yet? I figured without me dampening the matches the whole post should be charred and in ruin.

    Oh well, I know what I am going to do today.

    *Fires up iFlame*

  19. A smore is a traditional campfire treat popular in the United States and Canada, consisting of a roasted marshmallow and a slab of chocolate sandwiched between two pieces of graham cracker.
    Smores are associated with recreational camping. Part of the enjoyment of this simple dessert is the way in which it is made on such camping trips. A marshmallow is skewered on the end of a long stick and held just above the campfire until (according to personal preference) its outer surface starts to brown, char, or even catch fire. Once heated, the marshmallow’s inside becomes soft. The marshmallow is quickly pinched off its stick with the waiting graham crackers, one of which has a piece of chocolate on it. Ideally, the heat from the roasted marshmallow partially melts the chocolate into a gooey mess. However, some people assemble the entire smore on the stick and cook it all at once, to ensure gooey chocolate.

    I think if we get that everclear burning we can make mountains of smores.

  20. Smores were previously written as “S’mores”, and were a contraction of “Some mores” (as in, “I’d like some more.”).

  21. Take the graham crackers, marshmallow and chocolate, stack’m, pour a shot of everclear over the top, touch it off with any available flame source, (yes Del, you can use your iFlame for this) let it burn for 1.027 seconds, extingush and eat.
    Fun for the whole family.

  22. w00t!

    I don’t think I’ve seen the S’mores, but I am from Michigan and the population tends to get confused by punctuation.

    Would you get a better Smore if you kept them in half with a piece of chocolate and marshmallow on each half. Then pour the everclear and light it. Once it is done put the two halves together? Wouldn’t it melt the chocolate/marshmellow better?

  23. Too much assembly, after the first five or six putting the two semi-molten halves together could cause severe burns on the fingers or tongue that would not be felt until the next day. Faulty memory could lead to confusion and embarassing questions. (ie what did I do last night, or damn I’m glad I was too drunk to try and put anything else into that sexbot)

  24. Hey, sorry about the Mary Poppins sexbot. I’ve cleaned her all up and returned her to her previous location. I didn’t know anyone would miss her. You see, I found this bottle of Everclear just sitting around and I thought it looked lonely, but I didn’t want to drink alone. Yeah, with nobody else. So I had Mary keep me company. Don’t bother asking her what happened, I cleared out her memory banks with excessive amounts of booze. Besides, you don’t want to know.

    Hey, is it me or did it get warm in here? You folks are playing with fire?? Neat!! I want some!!!

    *pours some Everclear down throat, then pours some over head, then pours more down throat, them pours more over head …*

  25. Ah, shit. I must have mistyped. I’m on the ‘smores wiki page.

    Oops. Del’s hair is on fire. Can I have another everclear, please?

  26. The only thing that is everclear over here is photographic models’ skin. But only after Photoshop.

    Also, camping has a different meaning over here.

  27. Well, I just let my Smoreâ„¢ burn for 1.685 seconds, and it’s totally runied.

    Any suggestions?

  28. If midwesterners can deep-fry a turkey, why not a S’more? I’ve never had an actual S’more as described in Del’s encyclopedia entry, but I did have a S’less at the fat farm. Since then I’ve had S’none.

  30. What’s that smell?

    Del, are your Afro-Puffs burning or are you just happy to see me?

    I was just thinking. Thank God it didn’t last long. I have a low threshhold for pain.

    I just went at looked at pictures of the Microsoft digital nightstand or whatever the fuck it is. I’ll bet it will run Pac Man. We could put one in the Milwaukee tunnel. We could rig it to take quarters. When the elephants aren’t drunk on everclear they could reboot the nasty thing. We could give them a few Zunes to stand on.

  31. Somebody should stop those elephants over there from eating the Smores.
    If you thought they smelled bad BEFORE…. yikes.

  32. Don’t let anyone else know but elephant dung, both African and Indian, is the only medically proven aphrodisiac.

  33. Ahh, the smell of coffee in the morning…

    Wait, that’s not coffee, it’s elephant dung. Moldy, dusty elephant dung!

    And I have a sudden urge to mount Saint Helen. No, not the volcano. And no, not the island in Montreal, nor the hotel in New Orleans. I mean the saint named Helen. She’s rather presentable.

    Would she lose her status as a saint if she were mounted?

  36. Ace,

    I think it will probably still be okay, but she should be mounted by a reputable taxidermist. Don’t settle for less than first class work.

  37. Those taxidermists are no good. Whenever I hail one, I usually have to tell him/her how to get to where I want to go.

  38. No Nxxx, those are taxi *drivers*. Taxidermists are responsible for the skin on the taxi, the outward appearance of taxi’s, like the color (normally yellow, but not always) and the amount of major dents (I think it’s a mathmatical algorithm that determines the size of the dents, but the number is just a pure random thought) and which parts of the taxi are completely devoid of any damage, if any.

    Of course, taxidermists are pretty lame too. I mean come on already, why can’t we have more variety in our taxis?

  39. You are trying to fool me, It’s an American Joke isn’t it?
    Drivers are things used in golf.

  41. Tax Advisers? They guys who help put things on bulletin boards?
    Besides, a golf is a nice German car.

  42. Thanks, gang, but the Pope found out and Sainte Helene has been excommunicated. The Pope also defrocked her, which is strange because one of his predecessors frocked her in the first place.

    Wasn’t one of the Commandments “Thou shalt not frock,” like number twelve? Mel Brooks might know.

  44. Always thought the VW Golf was known as the VW Rabbit Stateside, which would connect with Ace’s post.

  45. All this is terribly confusing. The IRS will be all over me, and I haven’t been saving the recipes. I’d better call my Texas Ranger.

  50. Rip, that’s what you get for calling Chuck Norris, he is the worst frocker ever to make Texas Ranger, you would have figured he’d be a better baseball player. P

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