Nothing. Nadda. Zip. Zilch.

You know, I’d feel bad about us not getting a post together tonight, but I know for a fact that you just come here for the comments anyway, so it’s no big deal.

Anyway, you’ve got the whole weekend ahead of you and a wad of cash in your sweaty little fist (which is all covered in Cheeto dust), so maybe you could dump a little of it on one of our fine advertisers.

There’s Rogue Amoeba. They make good stuff. Although Kafasis tried to kill me that one time.

Well, there’s also Delicious Monster. The things they can do with an iSight camera. Tell you what. Although Shipley did call me a… well, let’s just say he said I like to do something to dogs that I don’t. Totally. I mean… really. I don’t even know how that would work.

Anyway, that brings us to our new advertisers: Shiny White Box and Many Tricks. They also make boss software and so far neither of their CEOs has tried to kill me or accused me of being into bestiality.

Of course, we’ve only just met so…

I should probably give them some time.

…

Do you think Gruber has this kind of relationship with his advertisers?

2,949 thoughts on “Nothing. Nadda. Zip. Zilch.”

  1. **Oh no — now that Psyko’s graduated from college he’s probably going to unload his prodigious accumulated knowledge upon us without warning**

    Welcome back, Psyko! As you can see, we’ve accomplished almost nothing while you were away. Basically we got drunk a lot and dug the tunnels a little too much.

  2. Psyko,
    How did you manage to get in and out of the Country without being detained as a terrorist?

    I warned the authorities about TP posters.

  3. Yay Psyko!

    We needed more craziness. BTW while you are in England Find Cai and tell him to get his butt back here.

  4. Ace, don’t worry. I won’t be forcing my knowledge upon all of you. I’m actually trying to set the record for how fast a college graduate can forget everything he’s learned without using amnesia.

    Nxxx, it took a while, but eventually I was able to convince them that I was no longer a TP poster since I hadn’t been posting in far too long.

    Del, heya! I’ll work on finding Cai next time I fly over, but he’s even more elusive in the real world. = \

    Now if you guys don’t mind, I’m going to go start a new tunnel that goes to Apple’s headquarters. I’m sick of waiting for Leopard.

    MARK

  6. PS

    New rumor….

    Balmer was killed in a “terrible, accidental, tragedy”….

    Steve Jobs was seen laughing manically.

    Word on the street is that Gates killed him cause he was pissed because he caught him having gratuitous gay sex with Barney the purple dinosaur…

  8. **Uh oh, the cat’s out of the bag. Psyko must have taken “Invisible Writng 101” at school since he now can read our secret asterisk-encapsulated messages. I wonder if he uses lemon juice.**

    If a tree falls in a forest and there’s no one to hear it, does it make a difference?

  9. Psyko, welcome back. It’s your turn to feed the porcuphants. A word of caution: don’t spook them while carrying an armload of water balloons.

    Moltz’s donkey was supposed to be near here. If you see it let me know.

  11. *Pop*, I’m pretty sure Bill didn’t do the killing. I think it was Barney himself. I mean, after all, nobody (not even Barney) wants any of that. Ewwwww.

    Ace the only thing you just said that I can see is “if a tree falls in a forest and there’s no one to hear it, does it make a difference?”

    My invisible friend Milton the Penguin can read everything you said though. No worries, he’s going back to Antarctica in a few days and I’ll be oblivious again. I just wish I knew how long you guys had been talking behind my back. : \

    MARK

  12. But that’s the thing, perhaps Barney does want some of that. Maybe there’s a whole gay community of people that we wish weren’t born (or imagined in the case of Barney….or maybe he was born…).

    Psyko, your invisible penguin no longer likes you, and he told me he wishes to elope with a pillow and myself (and maybe Squishy). I”m tempted to do it, he offered me a new iMac….

    XP

  14. At what…the gay community or me running off with the penguin and Squishy or me getting a new iMac that you wont have?

  15. Forget they gay thing. I don’t want to know about Barney and the evil MS twins. Bleh!

    Sad face to losing the penguin. =(

    I’ll have the iMac yet! =P

    MARK

  17. Well at least you remembered that you might miss me….

    HAH

    Good luck trying to have kids with me now!!!

    (kidding, I love you!)

  22. Alright Psyko per your wishes the tunnels are now filled with leopards. I’m not really certain why you want them. Maybe I’m becoming a snob, but unblended animals just don’t interest me any more. I guess thats why I keep forgetting to feed them.

  23. Oh great. Hungry leopards. Porcuphants. Thousands of leopards with quills in their snouts, hungrier than ever and in pain.

    I think I’ll stay topside until this blows over. Waiter? Long Island Iced Tea, hold the tea and ice.

  24. HELLo everybody! just returned from my vacation in the 7th circle of… what ever that place was. (What was Balmer doing there?) I caught up on the TP, a few new posters, (I still like that old one of Farrah what’s her name) Has Huh? seen the porkyoupants yet, may have infringed on his copyrights?

  26. We Brits are not afraid of hungry leopards, pocuphants and porkypants. All you have to do is speak in a clear manner and they will obey.
    Hm. Need to consult “THe Lion Tamer’s Handbook”. Rightio, crack whip and they will obey.
    Hm. Page what was it? Are here. “Point chair in a commanding manner.”
    Gulp, what’s the next plan? Ah yes. “Bend down and throw dung in their eyes.” Well there’s plenty of that and it seems very familiar……………….

  29. Hmm…. That actually explains why my sister is always lecturing me on how I’m a bad influence on her 4 year old.

  32. You will be pleased to know that the Welsh Rugby Union team beat Argentina 27-20 and even more pleased to note that the Welsh management were proudly using a Mac Book.

    The Argentinean Rugby Union side are known as the Pumas, which raises the question, why no Pumadillos in the tunnels?
    Del, see to it at once or I’ll set the Welsh scrum on you. On second thoughts, you might enjoy going shoulder to shoulder with eight burly men, therefore the offer is withdrawn.

  33. Rugby reportage is okay, but if you stray into cricket, I’ll sic the crickephants on you!

    If a tree falls in a forest and crushes the only sentient entity within earshot, does it make a sound? How do you know?

  34. No, it doesn’t make a sound. The only place remote enough for a crash to escape any sort of hearing mechanism is space, and there is no sound in space.

    MARK

  36. While it’s true that a vacuum will not carry sound waves, an experiment was conducted during a spacewalk outside the International Space Station where a Russian cosmonaut attempted to communicate with an American astronaut using two tin cans and a long string. By holding the cans against their helmets and keeping the string taut, a short historic conversation was achieved:

    “Comrade? You there?”

    “Hey Vladimir, pass me the socket wrench, comprende?”

    “But comrade, I thought you were bringing the tools.”

    “Doh! Well, alrighty then.”

  37. *note to self* invent pumadillos and have them kidnap Welsh Rugby players and bring them to my lair.

  38. Del, I saw a pumadillo on Animal Planet last night. Though, it was broadcast from another demension, the pumadillo was the host. My satalite disk has been acting up lately.

  40. Hey man, you take what you want and I’ll take what I want. Spaced out I was and I heard Darth. Or was it Garth?

  41. Did he say “Shwiiing”? That would be Garth.

    I watched the movie “The Fly.” Now I’m afraid to go in the tunnels because there might be a Delephant in there. Warn the bartender!

  42. The main post gave me an idea awhile ago. I think my new crosses are going to be Cyborgs. That will make it so much easier to mount the iFlames. I don’t know why I didn’t think of this before.

  46. Why not Bjornborgs? Or Seven-of-Ernest-Borgnine?

    Del, the reason you didn’t think of it before is that it’s too late for that now.

  47. Del, this is almost too scary to mention, but how about a “Dancing Monkey Borg (Steve Borgmer)”?

    If we could shape its programming to our will, it would be good for guarding the tunnel exits. No one would DARE face it.

  50. A Steve Moltz
    or a John Jobs,…
    Oh, wait,… that’s wrong in so many ways,
    guys, just get a permanent marker and mark out the part of the screen that has the offending words so that they may no longer assault the eyes.

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