Nothing. Nadda. Zip. Zilch.

You know, I’d feel bad about us not getting a post together tonight, but I know for a fact that you just come here for the comments anyway, so it’s no big deal.

Anyway, you’ve got the whole weekend ahead of you and a wad of cash in your sweaty little fist (which is all covered in Cheeto dust), so maybe you could dump a little of it on one of our fine advertisers.

There’s Rogue Amoeba. They make good stuff. Although Kafasis tried to kill me that one time.

Well, there’s also Delicious Monster. The things they can do with an iSight camera. Tell you what. Although Shipley did call me a… well, let’s just say he said I like to do something to dogs that I don’t. Totally. I mean… really. I don’t even know how that would work.

Anyway, that brings us to our new advertisers: Shiny White Box and Many Tricks. They also make boss software and so far neither of their CEOs has tried to kill me or accused me of being into bestiality.

Of course, we’ve only just met so…

I should probably give them some time.

…

Do you think Gruber has this kind of relationship with his advertisers?

2,949 thoughts on “Nothing. Nadda. Zip. Zilch.”

  1. If we flood the tunnels with alcohol:
    1. The alcohol will kill the interesting flora and fuana that is unique to the tunnel systems.
    2. The amount of alcohol needed would leave none for the rest of us.
    3. Ace would either drown or die of alcohol poisoning.
    4. Nxxx might light a match ( or what ever they call them over there) and burn the whole planet to a cinder. (But hey! it would really piss off those global warming people)
    5. It would ruin huh?’s pants
    6. It would make Rip’s toast soggy.
    7. It would make my eyes water for several reasons
    Seven is supposed to be a perfect number so I will stop there.û

  2. It’d be a shame to waste all that alcohol just to dry out the tunnels. Wait, my camera bag has one of those silica gel packets… let me see…*rummage*… here we go. I’ll toss it into this tunnel entrance and see if it helps:

    *plop*

  5. Global Warming would feel warmer but seem fouler,
    All that fizzes is not Seltzer,
    All that retches does not choke

    J.R.R. Tolkien (sorta)

  8. Really Agitated Magic Pigs?

    Randy About Mrs. Pie?

    Right Angle Mission Planners?

    Rusty Ass Metal Plyers?

    Reposessed Articulated Mental Powers?

  12. Rabid Assholes Mangle People?

    Redmond Adds More Poop?

    Eric Cartman had a Reticulated Anal Mapping Probe in South Park once, didn’t he King?

  13. Rumors And Malicious Propaganda?

    Never watched South Park much, tired of hearing the wife bitch, but I have heard rumors that a true Reticulated Anal Mapping Probe requires three dimensions to work properly, and those little fellas seem to be two dimensional, though there could be a two dimensional analog. (ha! he typed anal log) >>(sorry for the improper interjection of Beavus and Butthead)

    Reasonless Albeit Mindless Prattle?

  14. King: Reasonless Albeit Mindless Prattle? On *THIS* site??

    I think you found it there bro!

    Oh, people who made the mistake of upgrading GirlFriend6.9 to Wife1.0 often have that trouble. They usually work around it by either buying a VCR or getting a DVR. Or something like that. One of those 3-letter-acronyms-ending-with-a-R things. Use it to record and watch the show when you find yourself temporarily parolled, not to hit Wife1.0 over the head. That never helps. Unless you want to become Wife1.0 in prison of course.

  17. Damn! I must have dozed off and missed my opportunity to post that message yesterday. But today I guarantee I’ll get at least one comment up here. Just you wait and see. All I’ve got to do is find my notes and outline and do a little research–then I’ll make a funny and educational contribution–I just have to get organized, that’s all.

  21. Okay, okay, I’ve got one…a procter, a vicar and a barber walk into a boxcar… no, wait… a proctologist, a viscount, and a boxer walk into a bar. Uhh… no. But I’m getting closer. Give me a minute, I’ll be right back.

  24. Thanks, Rip. I just couldn’t remember that one. I keep confusing the nun with the salesmen. I must be getting old again.

    Back in the sixties my father got annoyed at the sudden increase in the number of people telephoning our home in error. On a hunch, he got out the new telephone directory and looked up “Wrong Number” and, sure enough, their number was the same as ours!

  25. This (hopefully) wont affect Del.
    A good thing about dying. There have been a number of cases where hair keeps growing after death.

    Buy Nxxx’s guaranteed hair restorer.

  26. Nxxx, do you need to be dead for your hair restorer to work? Seems to be alot of trouble for some hair, probably not alot of repeat business either.

  27. Nxxx,

    Raging About Messy Pubes?

    or as huh? might say

    Rally Around My Pantsâ„¢?

  28. KTD,
    I am so disappointed with your comment. We offer a personal service and we dig you up occasionally to check our restoration service is working. We only ask for two, sorry three assurances, forgot about the money.
    1) You sit still whilst we press the gun against your head as getting brain and blood stains out is harder than with that intern’s dress.
    2) Don’t tell Buffy.

  30. Raw Ass Misses Paper?

    Right After My Prefix?

    Nxxx, sorry about pubes line, couldn’t think of a “hair” word that starts with R A M or P.

  31. Y’know scrolling to the bottom of this page on an iphone takes determination, great care,and brain damage. Thank God I got here when I did.

  32. Rip, you think it’s bad with an iPhone? Try it with an iPod Shuffle. This page make no sense at all as you are listening to more than 1500 comments in random order.

    Not that it makes sense in asceending numerical order…

  34. Or ascending, for that matter.

    Man, it’s chilly in here–say Nxxx, could you send me one of those British Thermal Units? I’ve been meaning to buy one, but the shops here don’t carry them.

  35. Ace,
    Aren’t you suffering from Global Warming? I was going to ask you for a one of your Clackamas (was it?) County Thermal Units. There is another problem, BTU are only for gas users, unfortunately the flat is piped for that newfangled electricity gas substitute thing.

  36. We need to tunnel a little deeper and tap into that geo-thermal energy thingy, I heard about on one of those science channels when I couldn’t find the remote. (stuck between the cushions again)}

  37. I met a lady who said her globes could use some warming, so I gave her Al Gore’s phone number.

  38. King,

    I’ve been working on an extra special uber digging machine. Nuclear powered, aggregated diamond (carbon) nanorod drillbit, and a penchant to run amok. I’ve let it lose in the tunnels. Let me know if it diggs down deep enough.

  39. Deep is not the word for it, down is not the word for it “a penchant to run amok”??!!, utter chaos would be more accurate. It has found its way to new areas though, it seems that all the iPrairiedogs and iBadgers were not gone, but are now a bit hard to recognize after three of four generations of interbreeding. SHould of had em fixed, –

  41. Ace,
    I have difficulty in remembering…….what was yesterday…………..however 1661?
    I’ll go and get the diary.

  44. 1691 will have rotational symmetry so that’s the one I’m looking forward to. I believe there is a substantial jackpot attached to it, and I could really use the extra dough. So let’s speed up the posting before I run out of Spam and starve.

  48. Here is my contribution to getting us closer to the palindromic 1691.

    Does that symbolize 69 in a doorway?

  49. That reminds of a joke I just heard about a young Chinese couple on their wedding night. Both virgins. All the sexual knowledge between the two of them was what she had learned from conversations with friends.

    She said, “I think I would like the number 69.”

    He said, “You want steamed chicken with vegetables?”

    No, I’m not typing this on my iPhone. I am, however typing it near my iPhone, a stack of papers, and a recent issue of Ladies Home Journal.

  50. Rip, I’m worried about you, as you appear to be self-plagiarizing:

    ==================================================================

    Rip Ragged Says:
    September 22nd, 2007 at 8:45 pm
    Just say no to flying grizzlies. The fallout could be catastrophic.
    I recommend the tofu fritters with arugula garní and steak fries.
    I just heard about a newly married Chinese-American couple, both virgins with no idea how to proceed on their honeymoon. Based only on vague recollections of conversations with friends, she says, “I think I would like number 69.”
    He looks puzzled and replies, “You want steamed chicken with vegetables?”

    ==================================================================

    Rip Ragged Says:
    October 5th, 2007 at 7:55 pm
    That reminds of a joke I just heard about a young Chinese couple on their wedding night. Both virgins. All the sexual knowledge between the two of them was what she had learned from conversations with friends.
    She said, “I think I would like the number 69.”
    He said, “You want steamed chicken with vegetables?”
    No, I’m not typing this on my iPhone. I am, however typing it near my iPhone, a stack of papers, and a recent issue of Ladies Home Journal.

    ================================================================

    Now, steamed chicken with vegetables sounds very kinky in this situation, if I don’t say so myself.

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