Nothing. Nadda. Zip. Zilch.

You know, I’d feel bad about us not getting a post together tonight, but I know for a fact that you just come here for the comments anyway, so it’s no big deal.

Anyway, you’ve got the whole weekend ahead of you and a wad of cash in your sweaty little fist (which is all covered in Cheeto dust), so maybe you could dump a little of it on one of our fine advertisers.

There’s Rogue Amoeba. They make good stuff. Although Kafasis tried to kill me that one time.

Well, there’s also Delicious Monster. The things they can do with an iSight camera. Tell you what. Although Shipley did call me a… well, let’s just say he said I like to do something to dogs that I don’t. Totally. I mean… really. I don’t even know how that would work.

Anyway, that brings us to our new advertisers: Shiny White Box and Many Tricks. They also make boss software and so far neither of their CEOs has tried to kill me or accused me of being into bestiality.

Of course, we’ve only just met so…

I should probably give them some time.

…

Do you think Gruber has this kind of relationship with his advertisers?

2,949 thoughts on “Nothing. Nadda. Zip. Zilch.”

  1. Mother Superior and two Sisters in road accident, total snuffsville.
    They reach the Pearly Gates and St. Peter says, “Well ladies, we should have no troubles with your entry but I must ask each of you a simple question, okay?”
    “Sister Murphy, what was the name of the first female?”
    “Eve.”
    “Go ahead.”
    “Sister Michael, where did Eve first live?”
    “Garden of Eden”
    “Well done.”
    “Mother Superior. As you are senior to your colleagues, your question will be slightly more difficult. What was Eve’s first words on seeing Adam?”
    “Ooh! That’s a hard one”
    “You’re in.”

  2. That’s very funny, Nxxx, but are sure it’s nuns? Salesmen or lawyers might be more appropriate for a joke about people entering the gates of hell.

  3. Ace,
    I wrote the Pearly Gates not the Purley Gates. Purley is just down the road from Croydon and home to half of the famous bits of Status Quo.
    Um. Are there any famous bits of Status Quo?

  5. Really Del, do not disguise development iFlames as iPods, some idiot is bound to nick one and do damage. We, your loyal customers, appreciate the danger of known iFlames which is why you also offer various body parts in the catalogue. Still the bright side is that someone will have to think twice before stealing an iPod or did Steve put you up to this?

  6. Personally, I think it was the glossy paper in his trousers that started the whole conflagration. I only put matte-coated or uncoated paper in my trousers for that very reason. And it’s important to walk very slowly, especially in corduroy.

  7. Good Point Nxxx.. I think the disadvantage of getting into the news vs. setting iPod thieves on fire is worth it.

    I’ll start the plan on mass scale soon, just in time for halloween.

  8. How in the Hell did an iFlame end up in Atlanta, I thought we sealed all the tunnels in the Atlanta area after all that Micheal Vick stuff, ( who knows what he would have done with an iBadger)

  9. Another beautiful day in paradise, eh? Thanks for the great post (about Nothing. Nadda. Zip. Zilch.) I think that floor hardwood maple in regards to this topic is also important.

  15. Muuahahaha….

    Hey Del, are you catapulting pumpkins again this year?

    If you are, I’d like to get my order in early this time. I need thirteen thirteen-pounders launched on All Hallow’s Eve to this location: Latitude 45°22’50.24″ N, Longitude 122°37’44.59″ W.

    Please send the bill to me here at the Tera-Post. Thank you.

  16. I was.. um planning on being on “vacation” with a really good alibi this year.

    I’ll see how it works out.

    I think that field looks like a perfect place to launch one though Ace should I aim a little east to hit the track? Might get a runner.

    If you wish to track the trajectory the pumpkins will start from 42°27’30.21″N, 84°18’49.50″W

    You know.. If I’m not on vacay.

  17. No need to hit a runner: I can do that myself on horseback with smaller pumpkins.

    And go ahead and take a vacation. There are plenty of pumpkin bombardiers out there who are eager to rise to the top of the pumpkin pummelling pinnacle, who can fling gourds for days on end without breaking a sweat. Move over sister, the next generation is just waiting for you to slack off so they can get all the action. Yesirree, and I’m not bitter at all, not one bit.

    Just remember: no pumpkins, no payola.

  18. Hi, Very nice place you have here. YouÂ’ve done a good job & awesome blog on Nothing. Nadda. Zip. Zilch.!

  20. Pumpkin?

    Oh heavenly rotorapture!

    Spin the number and it stays the same!

    It’s the boomeranger, right back at you.

    Uh, where do I go to claim my prize?

  21. Ace,

    Your Prize is at 38°07′48.53″N, 85°50′30.22″W.

    A rather sordid looking fellow told me to tell all the rabbits I know that their prize 38°47’23.12″N 77°21’44.91″W
    So Streetrabbit you may want to head on over. They suggested you be there on Halloween, though the guy didn’t look very trustworthy.

  23. Where’s the speech thanking everyone you know regarding the 1691 post?
    Must be at least twenty-one minutes long and include tears.
    We deserve it.

  24. Oops sorry. I forgot.

    Ya know, the first time I won something here at the Tera-Post, I thought it was a fluke (…actually it /was/ a fluke–so much for saving the whales…), I thought it was just my fleeting fifteen minutes of fame. But now, winning the 1691 prize, I find that you really, really love Sally Field. What’s with that?

    Thank you, thank you! *sniff*

  25. Bravo! Bravo!
    For he’s a jolly good fellow,
    For he’s a jolly good fellow,
    For he’s a jolly good fe-e-ellooooooooowwwwwww,
    And so say all of me.

    And so says all of me,
    And so says all of me,

    For he’s a jolly good fellow
    etc., etc
    Repeat until infinity

  28. It has come to the attention of our Legal Department that Mr. Rip Ragged has plagiarized one of our lamest jokes on two separate occasions. Apparently Mr. Ragged lacks any imagination whatsoever.For that reason, we will decline at this time to file a suit. We’re watching closely, though. That reminds us of a story about a young Chinese couple that just got married, or maybe it was a traveling salesman… a traveling young Chinese salesman and his wife…

    I can see your house from here.

  31. I’m speechless!

    (Congrats, Ace.)

    On to 1771!……………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

  32. Since the Tera-Post has ground to a halt, let me take this opportunity to show off some of my extensive Burma-Shave sign collection.

    I’ve been stealing these sign-chains off of old backwater highways for years now, and with all the trouble in Myanmar (more truly, Burma), I can think of no better time to try to kill off what’s left of our little work-in-progress.

    On curves ahead
    Remember, sonny
    That rabbit’s foot
    Didn’t save
    The bunny
    Burma-Shave

    My job is
    Keeping faces clean
    And nobody knows
    De stubble
    I’ve seen
    Burma-Shave

    Whooossshhhhh!

  33. Oh, hi, DW… i thought I was all alone here.

    Anyway, I wanted to add for you younger whippersnappers than reading these signs works better if you pretend you are driving down a highway past some pasture when you see the signs coming up on you one by one. I’ll put a little space between the lines to help you out.

    Cautious rider

    To her

    Reckless dear

    Let’s have less bull

    And lots more steer

    Burma-Shave

  35. That’s easy. If there’s a sporran, it’s a kilt, and if there’s a purse, it’s a man in a dress.

    Also, the sword is often a dead giveaway.

  37. Nxxx, could you help Del out here? She obviously hasn’t spent much time with highlanders and transvestites, at least not while fully conscious.

  38. In best mock German Feldwebel accent, “I know nothing.”.

    Incidentally, in your Burma Shave Sign collection, isn’t faeces misspelt?

  39. Well I’ve seen both with swords. I’d always gone w/ the lack of underwear made it a kilt, and wearing underwear made you a man in a dress.

    Except I just recently saw something that was DEFINITELY a man in a dress… but unfortunately there was no underwear. So now besides bleaching my eyeballs I need a better definition.

  41. Och aye, at this point I must point out that tossing the caber has no sexual connotations.
    Mind you I’m Welsh not Scots and believe them as fellow Celts.

  42. A Yahoo headline over here just sent shivers down my spine. It read “Hacks in Mac attack.”
    Turned out to be newspaper reporters attacking the English national soccer manager but took five years off my life.

  44. You get two points for that one, Ace.

    (I remember those signs spread out in the wilds of MN when I was growing up.)

  46. Must be the Murlocks again, first they try to impregnate iBadgers, now they’re sucking up everyone, sic basturds.

  48. It’s the Eloi that scare me, with their limp, damp handshakes.

    My pumpkin arsenal is shaping up quite nicely. The pile is about the size of a Smart Car.

  50. Ace,
    Please take care with those pumpkins.

    Brompton Bicycles are built just across the compound from the Smart Car importers in Brentford, Middx, UK.
    As a fully qualified Brompton Technician, should you damage or besmirch in any way a Brompton Bicycle, I am duty sworn to kill you, painfully.
    Should this unfortunate situation unveil, would you like to be buried in the Tunnels?

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